FOOTPRINTS
The OFFICIAL organ of the Abu Dhabi Island Hash House Harriers AUH4
AUH4 Run Number 1548 – Monday 25th February 2008
New Territory
The Event:
This week, the intrepid Hashers plowed through dirt and rubble, navigated through ruts and harsh terrain, all the while risking life and limb in their search for the ever-elusive “orange pole” – and that was before the run began.
While most Hashers got a close up view of daily activities at a construction site, some had to resist the temptation to find smoother trails within the walls of Marina Mall. They were brave to the last, and eventually made it back to “camp,” ready for a down-down and some grub.
See note at the end, but Monday’s run will be the Chris Lewis Memorial run, so don’t forget your funny hats! (For real this time…)
To save us all a headache…if you’ve only opened Footprints for directions to next Monday’s Hash, as per every week, they’re AT THE BLOODY BACK
Run Verdict
- Shite!
- Gray chalk on gray concrete – a wise choice!
- Why give flour to the construction workers when we need it to mark the trails?
- Too close to the mall for the walkers!
- No swimming, but plenty of surfing!
GM – Big Ears
Hares
Sheila and Viagra Baby
Miscellany
Sheila found the beer to be too cold. Whoever is in charge of that, can you please put a scarf on Sheila’s can next week?
Wendy and Nibbly Bits are to be thanked supremely for their chicken rustling efforts – stepping in at the last minute to arrange grub in the absence of the quite ill hare.
Virgin
Andrew, brought by AJ, joined us from the Alamo and is undoubtedly a spy for the CIA, though he claims to be unemployed. He also threatens to run again.
New Member
Scorch has officially joined us after five Hashes. What took ya so long? Welcome and On on.
Hash Social
Dhow trip on March 5 at The Club followed by buffet at the Bistro, not sprog friendly, apparently still four spaces available.
Progressive Dinner on April 4.
Event at Lulu Beach at the end of April. Brat friendly. More info coming.
Brunch at the Millenium, May 9, more info to come.
Hash Haberdasher
Apparently, there is some new, old merchandise available. There is at least one empty bag…
Returners
Habitual Offender has returned after several weeks of being gone. I don’t know why she was gone, but it’s good to have her back!
RA – Perthy Throwup
After some trouble getting it up (that’s really what I have written...), RA made the following charges:
Heinous Sins
How Much for not knowing when his wife would be back…
Perty Cuter for something about Kangaroo Keg running fast and hurting all the girls. (So much for the fairy light on my head…)
Whiplash and ??? for exercise abuse – running a marathon, tut, tut.
Kevin for phone abuse and working on the hash. Also, apparently, he was in bed with his wife’s sister and he is sick of these loose morals!
Sheila for racism – “look out for the black pole” he said. Is that really necessary?
Kangaroo Keg and Teaboy for grumbling about Hashers breaking the rules. Let’s review the rules, shall we? Number One: There are no rules on the Hash!
Viagra Baby, Mark, Half-Bit Whore, AJ and Andrew all for short cutting. Poo also got in on this as he only showed up for the On Back and his conscience got the better of him, so he turned himself in.
Andrew – for wearing new shoes!! He was a good sport about it all, but I think AJ should’ve joined him…why not go for three, eh?
Marina – for showing up to Hash in her evening gown!
Sex on the Hash
Ball Breaker – for saying to Big Ears: “just trying to find your little knob there!”
Liz – for having something impregnated!
Debbie – for announcing, “Something small would be good!”
Debbie and Whiplash – for pinching bums!
More Miscellany
Hash Shit – it was *gasp!* washed! Shane, after mooning the crowd, was allowed to get rid of the shit, and he chose AJ to be the lucky recipient. Habitual Offender helped us with the obvious by exclaiming, “It’s all full of beer!” before AJ donned the duds. And AJ was quite gracious in receipt; “I love you all” was all he could say.
The Grub
Thanks to Wendy and Nibbly Bits and Olivia for the finger lickin’ good KFC. Mmmmm.
PLEASE:
· let us know if you are planning to bring a virgin along
· clean up after yourself at the on-back
· please shut up during hash circle!
If you haven’t hared any runs or hosted the Down-Downs, Teaboy, Georg with One E and Wet Willy would like to talk to you. We all need to take our turns:
Teaboy [email protected] 050 626 1452
Georg with One E [email protected] 050 667 0357
Wet Willy [email protected] 050 667 0359
Classifieds
Franz (Alpine) and Bronwyn (Whiplash) +2 Hash Brats have to vacate their Villa at the beginning of July as they are to be demolished. If anyone has any info on empty Villas (future hash venues) or apartments could they please contact either of us: Alpine on 050235 8352 or Whiplash on 050 235 5864.
Many Thanks,
A future homeless hash family.
Social Dates for your Diary:
Wednesday 5th March 2008
Dhow Cruise and Buffet at the Club. Details to follow nearer the time
Friday 4th April 2008
Progressive Dinner. Details to follow nearer the time
End of April 2008
Lulu Island Event. Details to come.
Friday 9th May 2008
Brunch at Millennium Hotel. Details TBC.
Events for your Diary:
21st to 23rd March 2008
WORLD INTERHASH – Perth
Please see website for details
“Hashing is a state of mind- a friendship of kindred spirits joined together for the sole purpose of reliving their childhood or fraternity days, releasing the tensions of everyday life, and generally, acting a fool amongst others who will not judge you or measure you by anything more than your sense of humor."
Stray Dog (From the Global Trash Hash Bible complete reference for the Hash House Harriers)
And now for the Hash Crap…I have been given several, a plethora even, of jokes for this document. Here are but a few:
Irish Maths Test
An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test.
Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9.'
'Without numbers?' The Irishman says, 'Dat is easy,' and proceeded to draw three trees.
'What's this?' the boss asked.
'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' said the Irishman.
'Fair enough,' said the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.'
The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. 'Ere you go'
The boss scratched his head and said, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.'
The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.'
The boss looked at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, 'A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.'
'So, when do I start?'
* * * * * *
That's what it's all about!
Sad News.....
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote 'The Hokie Pokey' died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. . . . And then the trouble started.
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
"One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout from the curb.
"No! Five pounds!" He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "One hundred and Fifty pounds!"
He'd yell back, "Five pounds!"
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner,
Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his Wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled:
"See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!"
