FOOTPRINTS
The OFFICIAL organ of the Abu Dhabi Island Hash House Harriers AUH4
AUH4 Run Number 1553 – Monday 31st March 2008
Wet T-Shirt/ (no) Activities Run
The Event:
The hashers met on familiar ground ready to take to the streets of Abu Dhabi. We’ve all been here before, we know the territory well…or so we thought! We were told at the outset to be on the lookout for “activities” along the way, but I must admit, this hasher only found one activity – albeit a fun one involving rubber and ropes. Though, it is possible that the wet t-shirt contest sponsored by the sprinklers at the beginning could’ve been considered an activity as well… So on we trudged, along and back on the corniche until we ended up right back where we started.
For the on-back, we met up at Ooz-Ee and Pashmina’s and were treated to a delightful meal of pizza and salad – yum!
To save us all a headache…if you’ve only opened Footprints for directions to next Monday’s Hash, as per every week, they’re AT THE BLOODY BACK
Run Verdict
- Training run!
- Rubbish!
- Too many activities!
- Views of the entire corniche!
- Too many hashers arrested for playing on the playground equipment!
GM – Big Ears
Hares
Sylvia and Gerhart
Caterers/Hosts
Ooz Ee and Pashmina provided space to gather for the on-back as well as pizza and salad for the masses! Thank you!
Virgins
Melanie from Halifax is here on vacation (excuse me, holiday…) for a week and has no plans to return!
The same goes for Sarah…except, for some reason I think she does plan to return…it was all very confusing…
Redsea (or if you look at my notes, “Retsie”) who is here on holiday for three weeks and joins us from the Jaka Ranana Hash in South Africa and plans to return.
Birthdays
Sheila who turned a spritely 69 (heh heh)…ok, 65…and Angry Pussy who at 31 is less than half Sheila’s age…. Many Happy Returns to them both….
New Member
Chris Lawler Welcome Chris! Also, Simon and Kevin were finally given numbers…woo hoo!
Hash Social
Progressive Dinner on April 4. 25 dhs per head (head? who said head?....)
Event at Lulu Beach at the end of April. Brat friendly. More info coming.
Brunch at the Intercontinental (new location), May 9, more info to come…but there will be pink champagne…
RA – Perthy Throw Up
Some in the group must’ve taken singing lessons…and RA made the following charges:
Sins on the Run
Carpet Burns, Whiplash, Georg with One E, and Deb were all called in for racing…tsk tsk.
Laura and Danni (?) were called in (get it…called) for using their phones on hash….this is not a new rule…..
General Sinning
Shane was called in for talking about “global dimming” – is that where we’re all getting just a little bit dumber every year?
Thunder from Down Under was heard to say, “I’m giving up the booze.” This was just before circle…so I’m not sure how long that lasted.
Richard doesn’t have the foggiest where any of the Interhashes are…Coaching? Nooo…Ka-ching? Nope…..Kuching….yeah, that’s the ticket!
Sins from the Interhash
Bloody Nips – for not making it to the BBQ…
Dancing Queen (with DT Cowboy standing in his stead) for licking Bloody Nips’ nips….
Big Ears for not being able to keep his hands off Bloody Nips’ red dress…
Sounds like a wholesome time was had by all….
More Sinning…
Brits were called in because of the 2007 “Oddest Book Title in Britain” contest, which saw “If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs” coming in first. “I Was Tortured by the Pygmy Love Queen” came second followed closely by “Cheese Problems Solved.”
Kiwis (and Wendy) were called in because of the wombat rape case.
New Shoes on Hash
Sheila was gracious and took off his shoes in order to do his down down from one…he even took Bloody Nips’ down down since Bloody Nips decided to do his in his thong…
Hash Shit
Whiplash, in true dramatic form, enlisted several of the girls to assist her in stinking up the hash shit with several vials of eau de toilette. Promptly afterward, Bloody Nips was chosen to don the freshly seasoned shirt…I can still smell it….
Hash Names
Well…after some deliberation and name calling, Deb and Georg walked away from the circle with new hash names.
In the running for Deb: Thigh Crusher, Wanky Legs, MILF, Titty Tots, Green Goddess, Nut Crusher, Scrubber, Nutbush City Limits….and the easy winner was: MILF!
For Georg we heard: Shizermeister, Piledriver, Vowel-less, Two-nil, Tea Boy Sex Slave, Tea Boy’s Bitch, Vittamin E, Witless, Upside-down Adolf. And the winner, by a small margin, was: Vittamin E
Forever and henceforth in anything related to hash, they shall forever be known as MILF and Vittamin E! On on!
The Grub
Ooz Ee and Pashmina provided lots of yummy pizza and salad…complete with vegetarian options…And even though some of the guys tried to sneak in ahead of time, I am happy to report that all women and children were fed.
PLEASE:
· let us know if you are planning to bring a virgin along
· clean up after yourself at the on-back
· please shut up during hash circle!
If you haven’t hared any runs or hosted the Down-Downs, Teaboy, Georg with One E and Wet Willy would like to talk to you. We all need to take our turns:
Teaboy [email protected] 050 626 1452
Vittamin E [email protected] 050 667 0357
Wet Willy [email protected] 050 667 0359
Classifieds
I have been informed from work colleges about the HHH society I am interested in joining if not only to get fit but also to meet some like minded people. I will be moving over to Abu Dhabi on the 1 st April on my own. I am getting relocated through work for a yr +.
At present I am looking for accommodation (have surfed the net and finding it impossible to track any agencys down), just for myself, a single 27yr old male, fully house trained. lol.. I know this is a long shot, but thought it be worth a go as I understand accomodation in Abu Dhabi is hard to come by due to a shortage. I would be grateful if you hear about any vacancys for either a shared accomodation where I could rent a room of somebody or a 1 bed apartment, that you could put my name forward.
See you in April for my first meetup.
Daniel Fahy. [email protected]
Franz (Alpine) and Bronwyn (Whiplash) +2 Hash Brats have to vacate their Villa at the beginning of July as they are to be demolished. If anyone has any info on empty Villas (future hash venues) or apartments could they please contact either of us: Alpine on 050235 8352 or Whiplash on 050 235 5864.
Many Thanks,
A future homeless hash family.
Social Dates for your Diary:
Friday 4th April 2008
Progressive Dinner.
End of April 2008
Lulu Island Event. Details to come.
Friday 9th May 2008
Brunch at Intercontinental Hotel. 145 Dhs per person.
Events for your Diary:
Please see website for details
“Hashing is a state of mind- a friendship of kindred spirits joined together for the sole purpose of reliving their childhood or fraternity days, releasing the tensions of everyday life, and generally, acting a fool amongst others who will not judge you or measure you by anything more than your sense of humor."
Stray Dog (From the Global Trash Hash Bible complete reference for the Hash House Harriers)
And now for the Hash Crap…and it truly is crap (and this is my disclaimer: I don’t write this stuff….I don’t even source it…so if you don’t like it or find it offensive…I suggest you skip this part next time…):
A real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in Tesco's.........
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food?
(PS Only read this if you’re British, or if you come from somewhere with a totally incompetent government…)
Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...
who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...
Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
AUH4 Run Number 1551
Monday 7th April 2008
START TIME: 1800 Hours
HARES: Whiplash
LOCATION: Behind Al Wahda Mall Meeting point is outside Whiplash’s and Franz’s villa in Al Wahda Sports Club (Villa No. 2) just behind Al Wahda Mall
See Map Next Page
ON BACK: Same Place.
– (et) +
050-8874916
