FOOTPRINTS
The OFFICIAL organ of the Abu Dhabi Island Hash House Harriers AUH4
AUH4 Run Number 1543 – Monday 21stJanuary 2008
The Crusaders Run
The Event:
On the same day that in 1189 Philip II of France and Richard I of England began to assemble troops to wage the Third Crusade, the Island Hash gathered at a school car park just off Airport Road to battle their way around the trail and ultimately conquer the Groses’ castle at the hallowed on-back.
The hares did their best to thrawt the efforts of the hashers crusade, not placing any markers except those that led to false trails, and indeed their efforts were well rewarded with two casualties, ‘Ooz ’Ee and Gavin, getting lost in battle and a third, Olivia, who fell and became walking carried wounded but valiantly soldiered on for the cause.
Eventually all except the martyred couple made it back and celebrated their success with drink and curry.
To save us all a headache…if you’ve only opened Footprints for direction to next Mondays’ Hash, as per every week, they’re AT THE BLOODY BACK
Run Verdict
- Worst run of the year
- The whole run was a false trail
- There was no GPS this week to guide us
- Lots of missing checks and arrows
- The sprinked pink chalk didn’t stay put
- It was 4.1 kilometres long
- Not worthy of a score
GM – Big Ears
Hares
Motts Crew – Wet Willy, Georg with One E and Teaboy
Hash Ball Organisers
Fairy Lights, Jan, Sheila, Wendy and Ballbreaker
Virgins
Lydia from Essex, a teacher of sort here for 2 years and is likely to hash again. She was duly given some ‘I promise it will only be head’ from Big Ears.
Returners
A webbed-footed Kangaroo Keg back from Australia where it was apparently a bit wet and really rather crap.
Daniel, back for the first time since June – allegedly due to injury.
Hash Birthdays
Birthday girl Wendy, 23 again.
Hash Numbers
CJ for 25 runs (and we still don’t know her real name!)
RA – Perthy Throwup
After a shrill chorus which was harshly adjudged ‘shit’ by PT and a whom provided a recommendation for ‘execution’ lessons, RA made the following charges:
Charges from the Run
Liz and Goldilocks – who had a great running style but who surely need to breath and not talk to maintain it.
Debbie and Carpet Burns – for similar but being less successful and their gas-bagging led them to loose the trail. Fairy Lights for following them.
The four hares for having two laying false trails in such abundance that they themselves were getting confused, let alone the pack, come the run.
Dunebasher for shortcutting
Hash Achievements
Christine revealed that she did the Dubai Marathon ?10km? in 1 hour 9 minutes, just within her target time of 1 hour 10 minutes.
Christine had a second down-down because she was therefore clearly also racing.
Other Charges
Truffles for getting so pickled that he crossed into the dark side and ate a lettuce leaf, but couldn’t find the circle without his GPS so missed out.
Carpet Burns for squeezing Perthy Throwup’s bum- either old man or RA abuse.
Virgin Lydia for wearing thongs on hash, and Perthy Cutter as she was the one that invited her. And was as it so happens also wearing inappropriate footware.
All Americans for their elections (moan) with names of candidates such as ‘Mitt’, ‘Hillary’, ‘Barak’ and ‘Chip’- What’s up with you guys?!
Viagra Baby was cruelly called into the circle with the yanks for something he wrote in Footprints. Shocked faces all around.
Sheila for starting a song for his North American Compatriots then forgetting the words.
Charges from the Floor
Carpet Burns proposed a naming for Debbie who apparently spent half the evening talking about dogs dry humping her leg. Wanky Leg was proposed, however deferred to next week for other possibilities that may also arise out of her being a nurse from Essex- surely the possibilities are endless!.
The Grub
In honour of International Spicy Food Day which is celebrated annually on January 21, the hash was treated to a cracking curry.
Social Dates for your Diary:
Friday 15th February 2008
It’s a very ancient custom during February to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. As such the Hash Socials are putting on a post-Valentines Day Brunch at Flavours, the Sheraton.
It should also be noted that on these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed…who’s up for brunch now then?
Wednesday 5th March 2008
Dhow Cruise and Buffet at the Club. Details to follow nearer the time
Friday 4th April 2008
Progressive Dinner. Details to follow nearer the time
Friday 9th May 2008
Brunch at Millennium Hotel. Details TBC.
Events for your Diary:
25th January 2008
WADI BIH Run
Three teams entered, Please contact VB…
21st to 23rd March 2008
WORLD INTERHASH – Perth
Please see website for details
“Hashing is a state of mind- a friendship of kindred spirits joined together for the sole purpose of reliving their childhood or fraternity days, releasing the tensions of everyday life, and generally, acting a fool amongst others who will not judge you or measure you by anything more than your sense of humor."
Stray Dog (From the Global Trash Hash Bible complete reference for the Hash House Harriers)
Words of advice for Truffles:
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. (David Bissonette)
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. (Sacha Guitry)
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. (Hemant Joshi)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)
The great question... which I have not been able to answer is..., 'What does a woman want? (Sigmund Freud)
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. (Anonymous)
'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' (Henny Youngman)
'I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.' (Sam Kinison)
'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.' (James Holt McGavran)
'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.' (Patrick Murray)
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. (Nash)
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. (Anonymous)
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. (Henry Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Milton Berle)
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. (Anonymous)
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' (Anonymous)
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
