FATAL FOUR WAY TAG TEAM MATCH
FOR A SHOT AT THE AEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP:
The Briscoe Brothers vs. The New Day
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- DUH POWER OF POSITIVITY VS DUH POWER OF WHOOPIN’ ASS -
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[ BANG! ]
[ Jay Briscoe pulled the trigger of his shotgun, blowing a huge chunk of bark off a tree into the distance in the Big Man’s back yard. The camera panned around towards Jay Briscoe pointing the shotgun at the tree, wearing a Sons of Anarchy type biker vest with his own logo on the back as the camera zoomed out, Mark Briscoe could be seen staring into the camera with a crazed hillbilly look on his face, he looked as if he had just gotten out of bed, his hair was a mess, giving the camera his version of a “people’s eyebrow.” Jay Briscoe pulled the shotgun trigger once more, tree bark flew off the tree once again. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"Good evenin’ ladies and gentlemen… It’s about dat time again ain’t it… New Year, same old stuff… Mark and Jay, duh by gawd Briscoe Brothers are goin’ ta war once again in an A-E-Dubya ring for an opportunity ta become THREE-time A-E-Dubya World Tag Team Champions… "
[ Tossing the shotgun to Mark Briscoe. Jay Briscoe stepped forward closer to the camera with a small smirk on his face. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Ya damn right chicken, New Year, Same ole’ shit man, SAME OLE’ SHIT... cause ya see man dis Monday night in San Antonio, Texas… chicken and I are walkin’ inta what should be a tag team match wit a shot at does A-E-Dubya Tag Team strap, but uhh we both know dis ain’t gonna be no tag team match is it boys, we all know we gonna be in for an all out war dis Monday in San Antonio, cause ya see man we ALL know when we facin’ two of does positive pieces of shit, there comes dat third piece of shit wit ‘em man… I don’t give a shit if it’s Kofi Kingston, Big E or dat their lil bitch, Xavier Woods.. or even all three of them together, we put duh Shield down before and we damn sure will take ya damn positivity and shove it up y’alls asses boys!.. Y’all can play duh positivity shit wit us all ya want boys… but dis Monday y’all are facin’ duh baddest tag team on duh goddamn planet are comin’ ta whoop y’alls ass… on our road ta take BACK what's rightfully ours man… ya see dis Monday in San Antonio, duh Power of Positivity is goin’ toe-ta-toe wit duh baddest tag team on duh goddamn planet… aka duh team ta beat in dis bitch..."
[ Jay pointed at the ground, before taking a drag of his cigar, breathing smoke into the camera. Mark rested the shotgun over his shoulder, looking directly into the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"And let me tell ya something boys, If y’all are tired of dem boys being duh A-E-Dubya World Tag Team Champions… ya better just get a damn pillow, because dats just how duh shit goes around here when ya duh baddest tag team on duh planet man… ya can’t have anythin’ without dem boys apart of it… we’ve been through dis three-on-two shit before man and we trail blazed our way right through dat and become duh A-E-Dubya World Tag Team Champions in duh Sydney Super Dome at Superclash III when we whooped duh Shield’s ass they haven’t been duh same since man… Reigns and Ambrose want ta rip each other's heads off, as for Seth Rollins, he hasn’t been duh same since than man… now ya wanna toss three more lil bitches dem boys’ way… and ta make things worse ya hang a shot at duh A-E-Dubya World Tag Team Championship in front of us."
[ Jay shook his head back and forth. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Y’all boys have sent sent into a goddamn massacre... just like duh Shield boys at Superclash, dem boys are comin’ ta San Antonio ta whoop y’alls asses and we WILL NOT stop until dem boys have does Tag Team straps back ‘round our damn waist for duh record breakin’ third time man!.."
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"OHHHHHHHHHHHH WWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!!"
[ Jay nodded his head, taking another drag of his cigar as he looked directly into the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Listen ta me boys… y’all can walk around A-E-Dubya thinkin’ ya some big, bad force ta be reckoned with man… but when ya step inta dat ring wit dem boys dis Monday night in San Antonio, ya steppin’ inta our damn domain man, OUR DAMN WARZONE!.. dis pro wrestlin’ shit is what GOD CREATED US TA DO BOYS… dis is what we was PUT ON DIS EARTH TA DO!"
[ His eyes widened more, nearly popping out of his head. Jay patted Mark on the shoulder looking over at him. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Chicken, tell ‘em somethin’ man… I got somethin’ I gotta get.."
[ Jay walked off the camera frame still pissed on losing his World title opportunity a few weeks ago as Mark watched him walk off. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"I GOT DIS MAN!"
[ Looking back towards Jay, he slowly turned his head towards the camera, chomping his teeth together, putting one of the New Days unicorn horns on. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"LISTEN UP BOYS… SINCE Y’ALL ARRIVED TA AEDUBYA… Y’ALL HAD YA SIGHTS SET ON DEM BOYS’ TAG TEAM STRAPS… Y’ALL BEEN WAITIN’ MONTHS, YEARS TA COME TA AEDUBYA AND TAKE DOES TAG STRAPS… BUT DIS MONDAY NIGHT Y’ALL BOYS ARE WALKIN’ INTA DEM BOYS’ DANG BATTLEFIELD, OUR PLAYGROUND!.. Y’ALL ARE ON DUH HIGHWAY TA DUH DDDDAANNNNNGGGGEERRRRR ZZZZOOOOONNNNEEEEE!!"
[ Mark Briscoe pointed the shotgun off camera pulling the trigger; BANG! he dropped the shotgun to the ground spreading his arms out, flying around the camera frame like a human airplane singing “Danger Zone”, the unicorn horn flopped around on his head, until Jay Briscoe walked back onto the camera view, the Sandy Fork Badass carrying a stuff horse's head, looking over at Mark, he yanked the unicorn horn off chicken’s head ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"TAKE DAT SHIT OFF CHICKEN!"
[ He glared at Mark before turning his head towards the camera, he held it up at the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Ya see boys, dis Monday y’all are gonna become one of these babies… dem boys are gonna hunt ya damn asses, we gonna slaughter ya, cut ya heads off your bodies and mount dem sumbitches on our WALL… like fuckin’ trophies man!"
[ Jay Briscoe chucked the head off the camera frame, looking back into the camera, his eyes widened, pointing at the ground. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Than we comin’ for does straps boys… we gunnin’ for every damn title dis company has ta offer… it’s TIME dat dem boys, prove dat we not only duh baddest tag team on duh planet… but we duh baddest take AEDUBYA OVER BY FUCKIN’ STORM, BABY!"
[ He licked his lips, his eyes still wide with a crazed hillbilly look on his face. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Ya can take all ya lil Power of Positivity and all dat shit and SHOVE DEM SUMBITCHES UP YA GODDAMN ASSES!"
[ Mark Briscoe nodded his head up and down, violently his eye flopping around wildly, screaming “CCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAWWWWWW! CCCCCCCAAAAAWWWWWWW!” ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"IN DUH DDDDAANNNNGGGGEEERRRR ZZZZOOOONNNNEEEEEE… CCCAAAWWWW! CCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!"
[ His eyes widened, Jay Briscoe looked into the camera, holding up the unicorn horn. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"So New Day, y’all bring duh POWER OF POSITIVITY wit ya’ll… bring these unicorn horns wit ya, and dem boys are gonna bring exactly what we always bring ta dat ring… it’s call whoop ALL THREE ya bitch asses, just like we did to duh SHIELD!"
[ Jay Briscoe walked off the camera frame. Mark Briscoe stepped closer to the camera showing off his missing teeth with a huge smile, his eyes popped out of his head. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"See ya boys in San Antonio!.. Hi-yah!, Aiyah!, Eeee-yah!"
[ Mark Briscoe's smile got wider, his eyes got bigger as showed off his Redneck Kung Fu skills, swinging his hands at the camera, shouting "Hi-yah!, Aiyah!, Eeee-yah!" once more before jumping off the camera frame as the scene comes to an abrupt end. ]
[ end of scene. ]
[ The cameras begin rolling in Sandy Fork, Delaware the home of the longest reigning AEW Tag Team Champions in history, Dem Boys; the Briscoe Brothers. The camera pans up as we find Jay Briscoe enjoying “Brutal Bob” and a nice cold beer. He wore a “One vs. All” Roman Reigns t-shirt and camouflaged baseball hat backwards, he paced around methodically, taking another drag of the Brutal Bob, he looked into the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Dis Monday night, chicken and I are gonna do exactly what we did to duh damn Shield at Superclash… it’s us against duh world man… dem boys once again find themselves outnumbered and outmanned… but we gonna doing EXACTLY what we did before and dat is overcome and hand some overdue ass whoopins’ ta three lil bitches.."
[ He paused, taking another drag of the “Brutal Bob” looking into the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Y’all boys seem ta think ya duh best tag team in duh business… Monday night it’s gonna be tag team wrestlin’ at it’s finest… cause for duh first time in history, in one corner ya yours truly, dem boys… AKA, duh pioneers of duh AEDubya Tag Team division… duh DUH BADDEST FUCKIN’ TAG TEAM ON DUH PLANET… and in duh other corner, we once again got three lil punk ass Shield wannabe bitches in duh New Day... let me ask you boys something man, how duh hell are you gonna say ya one of duh best tag team in duh world when… hell, ya haven’t faced these two ASS kickin’ hillbilly’s from Sandy Fork, BY GAWD Delaware..."
[ Mark Briscoe stepped into the camera frame wearing one of the New Day’s unicorn horn hats once again, Jay looked over at Mark his eyes popped out his skull, Mark’s eyes widened as he looked at Jay. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"CAN YA FFFFEEEELLLLL DUH PPPPOOOOWWWWUUUUUHHHH!!!!"
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"I can feel me whoopin’ ya ass if ya don’t take dat shit off, chicken."
[ Mark looked straight at Jay, slowly sliding the unicorn hat off his head, getting face to face with his big brother, his eyes widened crazily as he slowly turned towards the camera. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"Y’all boys wanna come inta our house… wit dis dang unicorn horn crap?.. dis is pro wrestlin’ boys not duh dang magic unicorn funland!"
[ Mark stuck the unicorn hat into a tree shredder as the stuffing and remains of the hat flew out of the machine, Mark screamed out “OOOOOOOHHHHHHH WWWWEEEEE!” Jay Briscoe stepped towards the camera rubbing his hand through his beard. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Since 2013, Dem Boys have been duh standard bearers here in AEDubya, we been revolutionizing duh tag team division in AEDubya man, we been duh damn workhorses of dis company man… and now duh New Day thinks they can just come inta our house… and now these New Day pussies wanna come in and think they’re the best tag team in duh world… sssshhhiiiiittttt, we duh trailblazers of dis company, boys and we ain’t stoppin’ there… dem boys is takin’ dis bitch by storm boys!.. cause ya see man, dem boys ain’t stoppin’ with duh tag straps, WE WANT IT ALL MAN… dat includes Paul E’s new lil bitch of uh client, duh new AEDubya World Heavyweight Champ, John fuckin’ Cena… let me tell ya son, ya think ya can just walk around cashin’ in shit dats not even yours man…"
[ Jay took another drag of his “Brutal Bob” breathing smoke into the camera, his eyes widened, looking rabid and crazed, nodding his head up and down. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Dats cool man, I can understand dat, ya couldn’t get duh job done in duh most violent match in AEDubya; duh Triple Tier Cage… so what does a bitch like you do, ya cash in GOLDUST’S Money in duh Bank contract… dats alright, ya wanna win duh most prestigious championship in AEDubya like dat man… don’t think I haven't taken my eyes off dat prize man, I’ll whoop ya damn ass and take dat title from ya in due time man."
[ Jay paced back and forth, pointing at the ground. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"It ALL begins dis Monday night in San Antonio man… y’all do NOT want ta miss dis ass whoopin’ dem boys are gonna give does My Little Pony bitches; duh New Day… YOU DO NOT WANT TA MISS ONE BIT OF IT MAN!.. I don’t give a shit who we gotta go through man… Big E, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods or hell, even all three of dem bitches, we’ll overcome duh odds AGAIN."
[ Mark nodded his head, Jay’s eyes widened more looking into the camera. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE;
"Y’all boys better be ready dis damn WAR boys… cause we comin’ ta San Antonio for a goddamn WAR… Davey Richards, Eddie Edwards y’all lookin’ at ya next challengers boys… ya can mark it down man, it’s only a matter of time!.. New Day, see ya lil pony pussies in San Antonio!.."
[ Jay walked off the camera frame, Mark stepped closer, his eyes widened. ]
THE SILENT BRISCOE | MARK BRISCOE;
"Ya boys may be a well oil unit… y’all may be a great tag team, but dis Monday night y’all are goin’ DOWN BAYBAY!.. dem boys return ta tag team action dis Monday in San Antonio… and we gonna whoop yo ass, CCCCCAAAAWWWWWW… CCCCCCAAAAAWWWWWW!!!"
[ Mark Briscoe runs around the camera frame, swinging his arms around the air violently, stopping in mid-run, looking into the camera, his eyes widened more as he let out one more; “CCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!” running off the camera frame, Jay Briscoe’s voice was heard. ]
THE VIOLENT BRISCOE | JAY BRISCOE [voice-over];
"Dis Monday night in San Antonio, New Day... Y’all about ta..."
REACH FOR DUH SKY... BITCHES
[ BANG! BANG! BANG! ]
[ Gunshots were heard through the Sandy Fork sky as the transmission cuts off and the scene fades. ]
[ end of scene. ]