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atmospheric conditions'
Valentine's Day Special

written by yours truly

Ah Valentine's Day, here again to bless me with its presence. I feel deep sorrow for all you hapless couples out there cursed with the expectation of exchanging gifts with your significant others. Debating over what to get one's valentine can be quite possibly the most stressful time ever attributed to the month of february. It all builds up to one temultuous moment: that gut-wrenching time of opening each other's gifts.
There are just too many things that could happen.....
Scenario Numero Uno
What if your valentine spends way more money on your gift than you do on them? Even if the gift you give them is clearly the cooler gift, the thought of being out-bought will linger like a nasty-odor in the back of your mind.
Scenario Numero Two-o
Read scenario numero uno and imagine if you were the one who spent way more money on the gift. It would seem to your valentine that you were trying to buy their love, or even worse, that you were trying to compensate for your below-par performances in bed. No matter what, you're screwed! (but not in a good way)
Scenario Numero Three-o
So if not either of the above, then what?!?! Scenario three-o thats what! Heres what happens:  Its
the night of valentines day, and the two of you are eagerly unwrapping the gifts.  Hypothetically, lets say that each gift costs the same. Heres the kicker though....one of the gifts turns out to be incredibly lame, and as a result an obviously faked suprise and happiness ensues. What are you supposed to say when you get *the* lamest present in the world from your valentine?
    "Just remember, I will love you no matter what honey!"  yeah, as if...
    "well...its definitely the most unique present i've recieved."  sorry, strike 2
    "uh...well...do you still have the reciept?"   yeah, thats more like it.

Lets face it, if you have a special valentine this year just take my advice and forget about giving gifts. Just go straight to the special activities associated with february 14th.

Ok, so what if you can't get any lovin even though you do have a valentine? Perhaps a gift really is the right thing to do? If so then check out these links and you will be on your way to gettin lovin in no time at all.

this one is for all those people who have that special cyber lover...
you ANIMAL you!
for all those sophisticated gift givers
for those guys who dig chicawear on themselves
ladies: make your guy something he will always remember
always a favorite!
ladies just buy something for yourself
this is scary even if you do have enough money



If you dug this column then stay tuned for more to come, plus some super duper special suprises.
~alec