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[IN AD 2101 WAR WAS BEGINNING...]
<Atlus and Lugia are sitting in their chairs. The desk where Base Gastly normally sits is empty.>
Atlus: Where's Base Gastly?
<A bomb explodes, rocking the entire studio>
Atlus: WHAT HAPPEN ?
Lugia: SOMEBODY SET UP US THE BOMB. WE GET SIGNAL.
Atlus: WHAT!
Lugia: MAIN SCREEN TURN ON
<The main viewscreen lowers. The shadowed figure appears on it, now revealed>
Atlus: IT'S YOU !!
Cats: HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMAN !! ALL YOUR BASE GASTLY ARE BELONG TO US. YOU ARE ON THE WAY TO DESTRUCTION.
Atlus: WHAT YOU SAY !!
Cats: YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE MAKE YOUR TIME. HA HA HA HA...
<The viewscreen goes black and the lights go out as the power is cut to the entire studio>
Atlus: Did you hear that, Lugia?! He kidnapped Base Gastly! We have to go after him!
Lugia: We need to get out of here first! In the basement we have a hangar!
Atlus: What's down there?
Lugia: The Milleni-<The rest of the name is bleeped out>
Atlus: The what?
Lugia: Um...I mean the Phantom Crui-<Again, the name is bleeped out>
Atlus: I think they installed a censor for registered trademarks.
Lugia: No matter! We have a ship down there!
<Atlus and Lugia get up and run offstage and down a stairwell into the hangar below. A rickety old starship is down there>
Atlus: This is it?
Lugia: Fastest ship in the galaxy.
Atlus: It looks like a hunk of junk.
Lugia: I hear Lucas' lawyers a knockin'.
Atlus: Uh...we'd better get onboard, then.
<Lugia walks underneath the ship and pushes a button, a small ramp lowers. Atlus and Lugia get on and walk into the cockpit>
Lugia: Did you remember to open the bay doors?
Atlus: Should I have?
Lugia: Well since I don't think this thing is capable of ramming through 2 feet of solid steel...
Atlus: Alright, alright, alright. I'll do it. <Looks out the cockpit and sees a squad of soldiers wearing white, plastic armor run in and surround the ship> What are those?!
Lugia: <Looks out and starts to panic> Zigs!
Atlus: I still get to open the bay doors, right?
Lugia: Well since my survival sense is kicking in...
Atlus: <Sighs> I'm going, I'm going. <Walks back into the cargo hold and starts looking around for a weapon.> Hmm...rifles, cannons, photon bombs...this catches my fancy. <Takes a blaster pistol out of one of the lockers. Suddenly, an apparition of an old man appears>
Old Man: Atlus...
Atlus: Huh?! Who are you?! How do you know my name?!
Old Man: Atlus. For great justice...
Atlus: Huh? For great justice?
Old Man: For great justice, take out every Zig.
Atlus: Take out all the Zigs, huh? Thanks old man. Hey, why are you helping me anyways?
Old Man: I know what you doing. Move Zig. For great justice. <The apparition slowly disappears>
Atlus: That was pretty...cryptic. Well, here goes nothing. <Lowers the ramp> FOR GREAT JUSTICE! <Dives out of the ship trying to go all Matrix style. Unfortunately this isn't Monster Helix so he lands roughly on his side, his shoulder blade cracking loudly> Owww... <Looks up as all the Zigs surround him and point their blaster rifles directly at his face> Oh boy.
Zig #1: Ready... <Atlus squeezes his eyes shut and mutters a few last words> Aim...FIRE!
<All the rifles fire. When Atlus opens his eyes he sees that all the Zigs have shot each other except for one Zig who is looking around, confused>
Atlus: <Stands up placing a hand on his broken shoulder> Hey you.
Zig #7: What?! What?! I'm sorry! I was just following orders! I didn't wanna shoot you!
Atlus: Why didn't they hit me?
Zig #7: We're just low level soldiers! And we can't see through these masks! And we're union! And...and...and... <Breaks down and starts crying> Please don't kill me! I have a wife and three kids!
Atlus: Hmm... <Looks the Zig over> Give me your armor and weapon.
Zig #7: <Strips down to his hearted boxers and hands everything over to Atlus> Here! Here! Just don't kill me!
Atlus: <Picks everything up with his good arm and starts walking back towards the ship> Now open the bay doors.
<The Zig runs over and opens the bay door then runs away. Atlus boards the ship and walks into the cockpit with Lugia>
Atlus: We're all set.
Lugia: <Looks at Atlus' shoulder> What happened?
Atlus: Nothing. Take us out of here.
Lugia: Aye aye. <Punches some coordinates into the navcomputer. The ship slowly raises into the air then blasts off into hyperspace>
[Meanwhile...]
<Inside Cats' chamber room, Cats is standing in front of a cage that he has imprisoned Base Gastly inside>
Base Gastly: <Grabs the bars and shakes them> Let me out of here!
Cats: Escape is impossible. Settle down and enjoy your remaining time.
Base Gastly: What do you want with me anyways?!
Cats: <Turns to face the cage> You do not remember me?
Base Gastly: I've never seen you before in my life!
Cats: Base Gastly, I am your father,
Base Gastly: No you're not! Shutup! You're stupid!
Cats: Uhhh...but-
Base Gastly: SHUTUP!
Cats: Alright, I lied about the whole father thing. <Clears his throat> Base Gastly! I will grind you down with my superior strength! HOO HAH!
Base Gastly: Are you retarded?
Cats: On occasion.
Base Gastly: Just checking...
Cats: Now! Base Gastly! Gaze upon my face and learn the truth! <Presses his face close against the bars>
Base Gastly: <Stares at Cats> I still don't know who- <Pauses for a second then gasps, finally realizing who it is> Oh...my...god!
Cats: Ha ha ha ha!
[Sector Z-101, Galaxy 12...]
Lugia: <Is holding a map, trying (to no avail) to read it> Okay if we take a turn here...
Atlus: Dammit woman! You got us lost!
Lugia: I'm not a woman...
Atlus: But you have no sense of direction.
Lugia: But I'm not a woman...
Atlus: Well then you have to be a guy since you didn't stop and ask for directions!
Lugia: I'm not a guy either.
Atlus: Then what are you?
Lugia: I'm ambisextrous. <Beams proudly>
Atlus: <Slaps Lugia in the back of the head> There's no such word as ambisextrous!
Lugia: There is too.
Atlus: Prove it!
Lugia: If I'm not ambisextrous, then what am I?
Atlus: Umm...
Lugia: Exactly. So therefore I am ambisextrous.
Atlus: Whatever. Give me that map. <Grabs the map away from Lugia and looks over it> Hmm. What's this place here? <Points to a small section of the map>
Lugia: That looks like the 0ld sk00l zone.
Atlus: 0ld sk00l, huh? Head towards it.
<Lugia heads the ship towards the 0ld sk00l zone. Ahead of them lies a huge 8-bit blackhole>
Atlus: Punch it.
<The ship speeds into the blackhole and a huge flash of light engulfs it. When the flash subsides the ship is gone and Atlus is standing in a room by himself. The room has eight squares, each with the picture of a robot with its name underneath. Atlus is wearing a blue helmet and blue robot armor complete with a mega buster on his arm>
Atlus: <Looks around the room> What is this place? <Starts to read the titles> Junky Man. Robot Man. Man Without A Name Man. Unoriginal Man? What kind of place is this?! <Looks down at his mega buster and notices a small inscription> Mecha Man, Copyright Dr Lite Industries. Made in China?! Am I a robot?!
Lugia: <Walks in on all fours, wearing red robot armor that forces him to walk and act like a dog> Take it easy. At least you didn't get stuck as a robot dog.
Atlus: Lugia! What happened?
Lugia: Please, call me Ross. We seem to have been transported into an alternate dimension. We must defeat the eight robot bosses then take on Dr Willy himself, defeat the eight bosses again, and finally take out the alien force that just happened to be controlling Dr Willy. You are Mecha Man and I am Ross, the robot dog.
Atlus: I think I hear half the audience walking out.
Lugia: <Shrugs> No matter. Now, Mecha Man. Choose a boss!
Atlus: Hmm... <Looks at all the squares> I choose you! Ultra Man!
<Atlus and Lugia teleport into the square marked "Ultra Man">
[START]
<Atlus and Lugia teleport onto the ground>
Atlus: What now, Lugia?
Lugia: Ross.
Atlus: Uh...what now, Ross?
Ross: Now we dispatch the cheesy robot creations, make our way through the uninventive level design, and advance to the robot boss.
Atlus: That's it?
Lugia: That's it.
Atlus: Alright! <Poses, aiming his mega buster in the air> Watch out, Ultra Man! Here I come! <Starts to run through the level, followed by Lugia. A robot advances towards them>
Lugia: Here comes one!
Atlus: <Fires his mega buster, blowing the robot up> Ha ha! Take that! <Another similar robot comes at them. Atlus fires again> This is too easy! <As they progress through the level, they keep battling the same robot> Aren't there any different robots?
Lugia: Hey, this is 0ld sk00l. Don't complain.
Atlus: Whatever. <Blasts another robot to pieces only this time its head stays intact. Atlus looks at it> Hey you!
Robot: Hey you yourself, you a-
Atlus: <Clears his throat>
Robot: Jerkface?
Atlus: That's better.
Robot: Hey you yourself, you jerkface! I'm just tryin' to make a livin' an' you keep blowin' me up like I was some kin' of cheesy robot creation!
Atlus: Quit complaining. Aren't there any more of you?
Robot: No you idiot! <Takes on a mocking tone> "Oh I'm sorry Mr Robot. Dr Willy said we need to make some budget cuts. I can only afford to keep one of you to guard me. The rest of the money has to go towards lots of spikes and lots of conveyer belts." How ya like that?! Twelve years of loyal service and I get replaced by conveyor belts and spikes! Why, back in the day there were legions of us! Legions! And now it's just me! By myself! Technology is a crime!
Atlus: I'm sorry about your woes but do you think you could direct us towards Ultra Man?
Robot: <Gets an evil look on his face> Not only will I tell you, I'll help you out.
Atlus: Help us out? How?
Lugia: I don't know, Mecha Man. He seems kinda shifty.
Robot: <Shoots a look at Lugia> Shutup Lassie! I'm talking to Timmy here! Now, do you want my help or not?
Atlus: <Thinks for a moment> Yes.
Robot: Alright! Now, if you keep on walking here you'll reach Ultra Man. He's behind the two automatic garage doors. But, there's one problem.
Atlus: What's that?
Robot: There's a long stretch of spikes right before him with no way to get over them.
Atlus: So how do we make it past?
Robot: I will give you the power to walk over spikes. Huzzah! <Starts to glow for a few minutes then returns to normal> There.
Atlus: Thanks Robot.
Robot: <Grins> No problem my blue suited friend. Now, could you put me back together? Maybe oil me up a bit? <Atlus and Lugia start walking away. Yells after them> Bastards!
<Atlus and Lugia continue to walk for a few meters then stop at the edge of a pitfall. At the bottom of the pitfall is a long stretch of spikes>
Atlus: <Looks down into the pitfall> I guess this is what Robot was talking about. Ultra Man is just past these spikes.
Lugia: Are you sure we can trust him?
Atlus: What else are we going to do?
Lugia: Do you always answer questions with another question?
Atlus: Why do you want to know?
Lugia: ...
Atlus: <Starts stretching out> Here goes nothing.
Lugia: Be careful.
Atlus: I will! Here I come! <Jumps into the pitfall. As he hits the spikes he explodes, sending energy circles in every direction>
Lugia: Mecha Man! NOOOOOO!
[Cats' Personal Chamber]
<Cats is sitting in his throne as Base Gastly is shaking with fear in the corner of his cage. The door opens and the Captain walks in, bowing before Cats>
Captain: Cats, your excellency. We have just recieved word from Dr Willy.
Cats: Yes? What is it?
Captain: His message was "Atlus is dead. Device is secured."
Base Gastly: <Jumps up, hearing the news> Atlus is dead?! WHOO HOO! <Cats and the Captain shoot Base Gastly confused looks> Um...I mean. Zut. Darn. Ca va mal.
Captain: Anyways, the plan will proceed as scheduled.
Cats: <Rubs his hands together> Excellent. At this rate the planet will soon be ours!
Captain: If you'll excuse me, sir. <Bows again and leaves the room>
Cats: And in the end I, Cats, will be the Supreme Being! HA HA HA HA!
<Cats' laughing continues as the camera fades out, leaving a black screen>
[CONTINUE? 10, 9, 8...]
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