That David Koresh, when he was not busy molesting at least twenty-three girls
(none of whom had yet reached the age of puberty) lead a raid of neo-nazies,
extreme right wing talk show hosts, racist militias, paranoid conspiracy
mongers and Branch Davidian Zombies, to assault and take over the
headquarters of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms in the nation's
capital.
Flying helicopter gunships, driving tanks and armored personnel carriers, the
Davidians and their demonic allies launched a dastardly dawn assault on the
peaceful and law abiding agents of the BATF. Having kidnapped the innocent
agent's children they cowardly used these same children as human shields to
prevent the agents from fighting back in self defense. For the sake of the
children the agents lowered their flag, and surrendered their headquarters
to David Koresh and his horde of mindless child molesters. Then in what must
be considered an act of gratuitous evil the Branch Davidians, whacko extreme
right wing talk show hosts, libertarians, racist sexist militias, and Darth
Vader (who's evil twin was David Koresh) ritualisticly sacrificed those
helpless innocent children -- but only after having sex with them of course.
Out manned and outgunned the BATF was forced to ask the FBI to help.
Together they laid siege to the captured headquarters building in downtown
Washington DC. Despite just provocation, the FBI and BATF still hoped for a
peaceful end to the confrontation. To this end they set up loud speakers and
broadcast Brahm's Lullabies into the now fortified captive compound. Agents,
Mahatma Gandhi and Albert Schweitzer, the FBI's best, were put in charge of
the negotiations.
Negotiations that the Branch Davidians sabotaged by shooting group moons and
telling sexist jokes toward the general direction of the sensitive federal
agents. When it became apparent that David Koresh's plan was to break out in
a Normandy Beach type assault with both air and navel support, that his final
solution was to have his cult zombies force every man, woman, and small
animal on the North American Continent to have sex with him. Then they knew
that they could delay no longer.
Arming themselves with wiffle bats and silly strings so as not to hurt
anyone, the brave federal agents faced the tanks, helicopters, and sexual
libido of the satanic David Koresh. Even with the agents dauntless courage
it was a near thing. Beside which sinister dark forces had been gathering,
unorganized extreme right wing neo-nazie militias were organizing, they were
going to come to the aid of the extreme right wing talk show hosts, satanic
cults, and the Davidians. Darth Vader was moving the Death Star into
position. It was a near thing.
When it became apparent that David Koresh would be made to surrender, he
forced all his cult zombies to soak themselves in lighter fluid and he
personally lit each and every one, molesting the children first, for old
times sake. The valiant BATF and FBI agents tried throwing themselves on the
burning Davidians in order to smother the flames, yet even so only a few were
saved.
The BATF in its mercy and forgiveness protects and feeds these lost souls,
recognizing that redemption is never impossible.
Congress realizing that it had by tying the hands of our valiant Federal law
enforcement contributed to the disaster, has decided to empower those two
brave agencies by giving them the power to print money, declare war, grant
letters of marquee, and to enter into treaties with foreign governments.
This legislation has already passed the Senate and is only waiting for
confirmation in the House.
And that's what I learned watching the media's coverage of the Waco hearings
in congress. So most of all I want to thank the media without whom I
probably would have thought that the government just gassed and burned to
death 82 people who were basically minding their own business.
