The Chemistry Report
By: Silent Wolf
A humourous look at the elements

	My friends and I were all sitting around the large, round library table staring at each other and
the blank sheets of paper in front of us.  The teacher had given us an assignment of writing a report on
solids, liquids, and gases.  
	�So where should we start?� I asked.
	Maria sighed. �I don�t know. What do you say we just sort of skip this assignment.�  
	She picked up a chewed up number two pencil and began balancing it on her nose.  Jenny and I
both gave her a dirty look.  Although she noticed, she just teetered the pencil defiantly.
	�I have an idea,� Jenny said. �Why don�t we write it in story form. That way it will be a bit more
of a challenge for us and perhaps it would get the information across better.�
	My eyes brightened at the prospect.  �I love that idea! Okay we need three characters.  Let me
see. One could be Stacey Solid and another Lenny Liquid. What about gas though?�
	�Gassy Greg,� Maria replied.
	Jenny smiled. �So what is that? Did he load up on beans or something?�
	�I don�t think that�s appropriate,� I chuckled.
	�Hmm, well at least I had an idea,� Maria snapped.
	Jenny rolled her eyes then pulled a pencil out of her backpack.  �Alright, why don�t we have
them in a party scene or something. We could open with Stacey Solid sitting on a couch and then say
although she is one of the most popular matters at State Of Matter High School, she cannot say she is a
very active one.  That way we could suggest the dense and incompressible molecules that make solids up.�
	I tapped the pencil on my chin thoughtfully. �I like that idea. How could we incorporate the idea
that those molecules rotate around fixed points? Maybe that character will always be around the same
people.�
	Maria nodded. �I think though that the best way to get this done is to first write down the
characteristics of each matter if we are going to do it this way.�
	Picking up my pencil I began to scribble down little characteristics of gas on a sheet of notebook
paper. �I guess there is no way around writing some form of report.  Okay, people, I want you to tell me
some properties and I will write them down.�
	Jenny was concentrating at her Chemistry book. �When particles of a solid are heated they
vibrate and the kinetic energy of the particles will increase. Is there any way to incorporate that into the
report with the kinetic theory and kinetic motion?�
	I scratched my head. �What is that again?  Kinetic energy and theory I am asking about.�
	Maria looked up from her doodling. �The kinetic theory says that the particles in all kinds of
matter are always moving.  Kinetic energy is actually the amount of energy an object has because it is
moving. Perhaps you could add another character to explain that. Maybe call him Kinetic Kenny.�
	�I like that idea.  Now let me see, what else? Oh yes you can�t forget about melting point. 
Perhaps Stacey Solid can be boyfriends with Lenny Liquid to explain that.  Melting point is when the
particles vibrate so fast that they become strong enough to break the interactions that hold them in fixed
positions.  See Stacey could be very much to herself except when Lenny came along and that disrupted her
little fixed friends. Then the fact that both liquids and solids are condensed states of matter can be worked
in there.  Then they have something in common.  If pressure is increased the volume is hardly effected in
either of those two states.  That works!� I exclaimed.
	�Yes, but does that really help to realize that when those fixed points are broken that the solid
actually melts?  Another point, how are we going to suggest that ionic solids have high melting points
because they are held together so strongly.  Then there is molecular solids.  They have relatively low
melting points.�
	Maria shrugged. �I don�t know.  We could just have Stacey get into some sort of a fight and she
says she is not that kind of girl and she explains the difference.  Perhaps in her little speech she can also
incorporate the fact that some solids, like wood, decomposes instead of melting.  Then we can mention
that the freezing point and melting point are actually the same thing�
	�Sounds good to me.  Now what about crystals? We could have a gang called the Crystal Kids. 
Then people could be talking about them and the different shapes each member has.   There would have to
be seven members to represent the seven crystal systems.� My hand ached from writing.
	Maria smiled. �I could make drawings of the characters and write down the differences of each
character below each one.  Perhaps on that sheet I could write down the characteristics needed to get into
the gang.  Such as the atoms, ions, or molecules of the members need to be arranged in repeating, orderly,
and three-dimensional patterns.�
	Jenny interrupted, �That is called the crystal lattice.�
	�Whatever,� Maria replied. �Anyway, there is still a few bugs to work out on that. I�m sure we
should add something about how the systems differ by the angels between the faces and how many of the
edges of the faces are equal.  Then there is the fact that the shape of a crystal depends on the arrangement
of the particles within it.  There is where you could mention the unit cell.�
	�What is a unit cell?� Jenny asked.
	�Well the book states that it is the smallest group of particles within a crystal that retains the
geometric shape of the crystal.  Perhaps we could do something like have seven clans in the Crystal Kids
and they crash the party, but then when people are talking they could mention that the angles at which the
faces intersect are always the same for a certain substance, or in this case, clan.�
	Jenny began counting on her fingers. �Let see there would be the Cubic Club, Tetragonal Terrors,
Orthorhombic Order, Monoclinic Movers, Triclinic Tickers, Hexagonal Hipsters, and the Rhombohedral
Rebels.�
	Maria and I burst out laughing. 
	�Okay, fine. So the names need a little bit of work.  Let�s just move onto the fact that some
substances exist in more that one type of solid state. Like diamond is a crystalline form of carbon and
graphite is another form of the same element.�
	�Why don�t we have Stacey be an actor.  She could be Graphite Gal when she is acting out one
act while in anther act play Diamond Daisy.  Perhaps we could give her a scene where she performs and
therefore displays the difference in their properties. For instance, diamond is very hard while graphite is
soft and low in density.�
	�The party drunk could be called Amorphous Armond. You know amorphous is a solid form
which has no ordered structure to it.  See no order and he drinks cause he has problems in his life?  The
problems representing no order.  I guess we can work on that,� Maria sighed.
	I chuckled. �Why don�t we represent the supercooled liquids by a guy who thinks he is all that. 
Supercooled liquids are just another name for glass which has an amorphous structure.  It is in between
being a crystal and being a free-flowing liquid. See, you can see through certain people�s pick up lines. 
Just like these supercooled liquids are transparent fusion products.  Just something cooled to a rigid state
without crystallizing.�
	Jenny yawned. �Let�s move on to something else.  These solids are getting boring.�
	I scratched my head. �Yes lets do Lenny Liquid next.  Still, don�t you think we need to mention
the way those solids break? That amorphous solids shatter irregularly while crystals retain their surface
angles?�
	�Lets just move on,� Maria said flatly.
	�Lenny Liquid a nerdy guy who many people don�t feel attracted to and is able to adapt.  That
way we can suggest the weak forces that hold the molecules of water together so that they can slide past
one another.  That also works to explain how it can take the form of the container you put it in.  He could
also keep further away from people to show how his molecules have a greater space between them then
that of a solid.�
	Maria asked, �Could I draw a picture of him? Somehow I could find a way to figure out how to
suggest that his physical properties would be determined by the interaction of between the motions of
particles and the attractive forces between them.�
	Jenny shook her head.  It wasn�t that she was disagreeing, she just has a way of spacing out.  I
could tell for a while she was going.  The big clue was the little glistening spit drop forming on the edges
of her mouth.  Somehow she never seemed to notice and because it was a liquid it would disappear in a
bit.  That reminded me of evaporation, which is the conversion of a gas into a liquid below its boiling
point.  Another name for it is vaporization.  
	It isn�t quite so gross in the summer, because there is more heat.  The heat causes the kinetic
energy of the molecules in the liquid to speed up and overcome the attraction forces within the liquid.  I
am surprised she doesn�t notice cause the particles with higher  kinetic energy leave first, letting the
cooler particles remain and therefore cooling the skin.  It is much the same concept as sweating. 
	My thoughts were interrupted by Maria. �Hey!  Did you get that?  We are talking about
evaporation.  I want to make sure we somehow manage to write how escaping particles can collide with
air particles causing some of them to return to the liquid.�
	�This is going to be way past our limit of words,� I sighed. �Do we just want to skip the concept
of vapor pressure.  You know that thing where if vaporization occurs in a closed container the particles
collide off the walls and that pressure is formed above the liquid. Then some of the particles condense and
return to liquid state.�
	Jenny shook her head. �That is an important concept though.  That has to do with dynamic
equilibrium when the container is saturated with vapor.  Then the particles continue condensing and
vaporizing, but there is no net change in the number of particles.�
	Maria looked up with a pained expression.  �No more knowledge!  Anyway, yes that is true.  You
know that is when the container �sweats.�  Our toilet does that in the summer. Let�s skip it for now and
see if we have room later. You know, like throw it in there with the fact that a temperature increase of a
contained liquid increases the vapor pressure because the warmed liquid has more kinetic energy.�
	�As for boiling point,� I said changing the subject, �we could have Lenny Liquid have a temper. 
Under normal pressure, or 1 atm, he has a normal boiling point, but if there is lower external pressure his
boiling point lessens.  Perhaps we can skip the fact that that happens because the particles need less
kinetic energy to escape in the situation.�
	�That is good.  When we mention the pressure we can have him talking about his temper to a
friend.  Then he can state that his vapor pressure is equal to the external pressure,� Jenny said.
	�That makes no sense in the way you suggested in showing it though,� I pointed out.
	�Oh well,� Maria said.  �That can be figured out later.  I like using the boiling point as a
reference to his temper.  I mean, one can not throw more then a temper tantrum, just as the temperature of
a liquid cannot become higher then its boiling point.  No matter how much heat is supplied, it only boils
faster; just as a tantrum could only get worse.�
	Suddenly a huge snore vibrated through the air.  Jenny had fallen asleep.  A horrified look
crossed my face as everyone in the library stared at our table.  Maria and I smiled, turned red, and
pretended to be deeply engrossed in some sort of non-existent homework. 
 	When people began looking back to their books, I tore a sheet out of my notebook and rolled it up
like a newspaper.  Maria nodded as she realized what I was doing. SWACK! Jenny got it over the head
and with a pig-like grunt she roused herself.
	�What?� Jenny asked irritated.  �I wasn�t sleeping.  I was, um, using creative visualizing
processes.�
	�Okay, sure,� Maria said.  With a dull look on her face, she threw tiny paper balls at Jenny�s
forehead.
	�Hey!� Jenny protested.  
	�Guys! GUYS!� I yelled and got some nasty looks from the other people in the library.  �Can you
both just concentrate?  There is only one character left to develop and that is Gassy Greg.�
	�He should be fluid in motion and not be to overly conscientious about social status.  That will
represent how because the particles within a gas are spaced so far apart they have no attractive or
repulsive forces.�
	�The textbook also makes a point to emphasize that there is nothing in between the particles,�
Jenny said staring vacantly at her chemistry book.
	Maria ignored Jenny�s statement.  �Anyway, I think that he should be an active guy.  Maybe we
could make him into a racecar driver or something.�
	I interrupted, �Yes and he would have to be very straightforward because that would further
represent how those molecules move.�
	�Huh?� Jenny asked.
	�Don�t you remember what Mrs. Mackatier was telling us?  That the particles in gas move in
straight lines and also independent of the other particles.  Of course that should go without saying because
there are no forces between them.   Anyway, the only time they change directions would be with they
rebound from collisions with an object or off of another particle.�
	Maria looked up.  �I remember that.  Wasn�t she saying something about how energy is
transferred during those collisions.�
	�Right,� Jenny said. �Something that has that quality is called being elastic.  Elastic gases have a
constant total kinetic energy.  That is a important part you can�t forget.�
	�I see.  Looks like someone didn�t fall asleep today in class,� I commented.  �Perhaps you could
try to not to do that here too?�
	Jenny smirked. �Yea, yea, I can try.  Your starting to sound like my mom or something.�
	I ignored the little comment and began reading over the notes we had been taking.  It looked as if
it were shaping up pretty well.  I frowned though as I looked over the characteristics of Gassy Greg.
	�Okay, lets review Greg.  He is a guy who doesn�t put much emphasis on his personal
relationships, he is very easy going and adaptable to his surroundings, is energetic, and very
straightforward.  Does that sound about right?�
	�Pretty much,� Maria replied.
	�Well then, perhaps for the properties of gases we should have Gassy Greg interact with other
people somehow.  We can just put him in situations that help portray the fact that the physical behavior of
gases depend on its volume, temperature, and pressure.  Do we really need to touch on contained gases
and uncontained gases?� I asked.
	Maria replied, �I don�t know.  What are they again?  I was doing my nails while our teacher was
explaining it.�
	I sighed.  Why was it that she found chemistry class to be her personal grooming time.  Last time
we did a report on reactions she had found it necessary to flirt with her newest crush.  Sometimes I
wonder how she can pull of her C�s and B�s. 
	�Most gases are uncontained.  They are those that are not sealed in containers.  Knowing that I
am sure you can tell me what contained gases are then.  So what are they?� I asked patiently.
	�Uh, duh, gases in a sealed container?� Maria said.
	Jenny gave Maria a look through half closed eyes.  �Yes and do you know what gases do in those
containers?�
	An evil grin crossed Maria�s face.  
	�No, with that look on your face I don�t want to know what you think they do.  The gases expand
to completely fill the container,� I said quickly.
	�I liked my idea better,� Maria pouted.
	Jenny spat, �Yea, I bet you did!�
	�Anyway,� I said, �do you think this is enough of an analogy writing it in story form or do you
believe we should have an extra section on the bottom for it?�
	Maria shrugged.  �I don�t know.  Perhaps we should just to be safe.�
	�I have an idea!  Since they go to State of Matter High School they could like have matter party
games.  Construct that matter!  The only construction things they can use is balloons and string.  Gas is
like a room full of balloons just floating around not touching anything and not attached to anything.  To
construct liquid, they could tie balloons together with rather long stings.  That way it can move around
with an attraction, but still be free flowing.  The solid would be the same as the liquid.  The only
difference would be that the strings would fasten the balloons so tightly together that they move in one
chunk.�
	�I like that idea, Jenny,� Maria admitted. �Let�s go with that!  Great we�re done!�
	�Not yet!� I said.  �We still have to write the actual story up to go with our facts and characters!�
	In unison we all let a giant groan we still had a long night ahead of us!

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