John and Julie’s living room. Bob (alias Mordred, alias Spongebob) is embracing Julie, unaware that she is actually Elmo, who has had a sex-change operation in order to marry a giant Prawn. Bob: Oh, Julie! Julie: Oh, Bob! Bob: Oh, Julie! Even though I am dating Big Bird and secretly conspiring to become an opera singer, I love you! I need you! Julie: Oh, Bob! Even though I am married to John and secretly having an affair with C3PO and I’m dying of cancer, I need you! They kiss Someone knocks on the door Julie: Quick, Bob, under the coffee table! John, who is actually Alex’s half-cousin, walks in John: Julie! That man hiding under the coffee table isn’t having an affair with you, is he? Julie: No! Ha! Ha! John: Good. Incidentally, he is my stepmother’s roommate’s mailman twice removed on his father’s side. A scream is heard Commercial Break… Bob: (To himself) Little does he know I am his half-sister! Julie: Oh, no, it sounds like my ex-boyfriend who was previously in a coma from the shrapnel from the bullet Teresa shot at him! He must have revived and found that Brad was dead! John: But Rover is on trial for killing Clippy! Bob: I hated that thing anyway. Hans Solo: This isn’t the Star Wars studio, is it? Random Urak-Hai: It’s down the hall. Tod: (bursting in) Julie! I’ve found you at last! John: Tod! Everyone thought you were dead! Bob kisses Julie Tod: And I’m my own grandpa! A maniacal laugh is heard Commercial break… A deserted planet somewhere in the Alpha Centuri sector. Two shadowy shapes are seen. First shape: This Sam… Second shape: …is actually a reincarnation of Yoda, and secretly Gollum’s brother. First shape: Yes, of course. Now, about Dumbledore… Second shape: I think there’s a very good probability he’ll keel over some time later in the series, perhaps in some sort of an epic battle. The series is starting to turn darker, you know. First shape: Right. Now, about the budgie… Second shape: The vacuum cleaner malfunctioned. It wasn’t my fault. First shape: Stop interrupting me. Commercial break… John and Julie’s apartment, several weeks later. The building has been completely destroyed. Two detectives kneel among the rubble. Tim: Open-and-shut case. See here, look at that footprint. Watson: Oh my god. Tim: Yes. A giant prawn. Must’ve escaped from the local zoo. Theme song begins to play Little does Diane know that Farp Taccib Sattagg-Hinkstun is having an affair with Artemis |
