Voice of police chief: November 19, 2000. Twelve midnight. Me and my partner were sitting in police headquarters, contemplating finding some fleeing bank robbers so we could go on another high-speed car chase. Police chief: Pass the doughnuts. Partner: (passing doughnuts) What do we do tonight, boss? Police chief: The same thing we do every night. Partner: Try to take over the world? Police chief: Shut up. Voice of police chief: November 20, 2000. Twelve-o-one. Some of the boys brought in a suspect in one of the weirdest crimes of the night. Seems someone broke into Sam�s, a little joint downtown. A night clerk got roughed up, but no one was seriously hurt. Nothing appeared to be missing. Something was suspicious. Police chief: Where were you on the night of July fourth, 1779? Suspect: I didn�t do nothin�. I swear! Partner: Ah ha! According to the rules of correct grammar, using a double negative means that you DID do something! We have you now! Police chief: Shut up. Voice of police chief: November 20, 2000. One-thirty. Me and my partner brought the suspect to the scene of the crime in the hopes that he might suddenly confess. I was seriously considering shooting my partner. Police chief: We know you aren�t Johnny Tremain. You are Freddie �the stinker� Baloney, head of New York�s largest organized prawn-smuggling ring. Freddie: You got me, chief. (Pulls out gun) Yer a smart one, mister. (He shoots the Partner) Partner: (dying) Chief, you gotta do one last thing for me. Police chief: What? Partner: Tell my wife and kiddies to be brave. And look both ways before crossing the street. (he dies) High-speed car chase ensues. Voice of police chief: November 20, 2000. Three-Forty-Five. I had Freddie cornered in an abandoned warehouse conveniently out of range of any kind of backup. Freddie: Now you�re in for it, chief. Police Chief: Oh yeah? Freddie: (raising gun) Yeah. Police Chief: But before you kill me, there�s just one thing you have to know. Freddie: What? Police Chief: I�m not left-handed. Farp Taccib Sattagg-Hinkstun needs some more doughnuts. |
