 When I grow up... I went to Chicago the other day, on a class trip. Of all the things I saw, one thing inspired me the most. It was not the statues in the art museum complete with strategically-placed fig leaves. It was not the idea of pointing randomly at Lake Michigan and yelling �WOLF!� (anyone who has read Everworld, raise your hands/paws/hooves). It was not the blue men drumming on glowing pipes to the theme song of �Go Ask Alice,� although that was pretty inspiring too. It was the movie Osmosis Jones. Apparently I was the only one in the room who had never heard of this movie, but the moment I saw it I was inspired. I am going to be an animated virus when I grow up. I am going to have a long red glowing fingernail of doom. I am going to formulate evil plans in a nightclub located inside a giant pulsating zit, and when that zit blows up I am going to be the one left hanging from the ceiling vowing revenge. My hulking green one-eyed minions are going to watch midget wrestling in a place called �the ingrown toenail.� My chief adversary is going to be the one rejected white blood cell policeman with a beard like my music teacher and a girlfriend who just so happens to be the attractive advisor to the reelection-obsessed mayor. I am absolutely serious about the beard. I will kidnap the girlfriend and make my getaway in a common car that has been, with the help of my magical fingernail, instantly turned into an uber-evil red menace to the roadways (er� arteries). I am going to hold epic life-and-death struggles with the protagonist on fake eyelashes. And when I am, at last, plunged into a giant vat of virus-killing blue stuff, I will die dramatically. And there will be much rejoicing. Farp Taccib Sattagg-Hinkstun is all inspired now. |
