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While I truely believe I'll never be as smart as my brother (or for that matter, an eggplant - and yes, I've met several eggplants in my day that were pretty bright; tasted dang good to boot) I like to think that I have a pretty decent IQ.

The thing is this, I can't for the life of me see past my present. I seem to live for the moment way too much. I should learn to invest in my future, and not spend all my hard earned dosh on something that may/not satisfy me right now.

Except, I can't get over the idea of owning an S2000. Really, when am I ever going to be able to afford a sports car in my life? Granted, one can argue if owning an S2000 qualifies oneself as having owned a "sports car". It's not a Porsche or Ferrari granted. Heck, even the Golf R32 has an extra 7 horses, and that's just a hot hatch.

Still, the S2000 I like to believe is a driving enthusiast's dream. It's sweet 9000 RPM limit (I'm looking at the 2002 model, 2003 has a 2.2 litre engine, and drops the limit to a mere 8000 RPM) and driving position makes one feel like a champ, even if it's just a trip to the grocery store.

The odd thing is, I'm not a car guy, never been much of one. But the idea of owning such a fine vehicle that won't break at every seasonal change (unlike my GTI, which when it works, is great, except that it's in the shop once a year) is so exhilerating, words do not adequately describe the giddy feeling I have inside. I guess you could say it's as fresh as gargling minty listerine, and then running outside in minus twenty degree weather, mouth agape, then chugging an ice chilled beer - with a bonus beer buzz right after.

I already know how impractical that car is. People who drive them don't use them as winter beaters, and generally can afford a second automobile anyhow. I admit that my S2000 will mainly be a winter beater. Imagine that for a minute. I will be driving a lightweight, rear-wheeled, 240 HP convertible in the dead of winter. What's worse, the car I'm looking at has a full body kit and lowered suspension.

I don't get it either. I guess at this point, I'm willing to throw money at my problem, hiding behind a stack of cash that I can't really afford to waste to try and forget.

Forget. That's a good word to use, if inappropriate. I guess if I ignore it long enough, it will go away. But it's like not fighting a speeding ticket right? You ignore it long enough, you automatically get fined when you renew your license, so you lose either way.

Lose. That's what I'm about to do. Lose out on everything I fantasized I'd have, except, well, except this time it's different.

Different. Because this time I'm broken. More broken than the last, not because my heart is shattered, it's because it's shattered and I no longer care to fix it. That's how strange my life has turned.

I was accused that my life was going too good. Maybe that's true. But wouldn't getting an S2000 just make it all that more bittersweet? I said I would do it if it happened. So far, it's still happening, and therefore allows a free pass into wanton waste of my moola.

Maybe it's not a free pass. I'd have to sacrifice a lot to drive this thing. I'd at least have to raise the car and remove the skirts back into stock form. I'm hoping to get some $ back for doing that. I will have to eat peanut butter sandwiches for the next three years, sans peanut butter, and maybe one piece of bread.

And yet, I almost don't care. It's like I just want to do it, to say I've done it, and maybe drive that final nail into the coffin.

In the end, I have no dependents, no kids to look after, no wife to take care of, and definitely no joint account to worry about. It's the only time I'll be able to afford it and still not call it mid-life crisis.

I know there's more to life than materialistic things. But that's even more the reason to buy this car, not to own something cool, but to drive it so that it makes me happy. I'm not rich. I don't have a lot of money, but I make enough to able to afford a second-hand version, which is all I'm aiming for.

Life is funny like this. One second you're on top of the world, next second you're barely keeping your head above the water, and everywhere you look, it's ocean blue with nary a hint of green in sight.

....I'd rather drown falling from the boat, than to have never boarded at all. posted by losir at 10:09 PM