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Sometimes, I wonder what life would have been liked if I had gotten lost in a city where I knew no one, and no one could get a hold of me.

I say this with the saddest, heaviest heart possible, but you know what? I can't feel the pain that I thought I would have.

My dear "Bak Fu", the oldest uncle on my dad's side just passed away this evening. I try to think of him, to think of what he's meant to me, to realize that he's gone forever. And you know what? I draw mostly a blank.

It's snippets now. There's a video playing in my head of him playing "Teen Gow", a traditional tile game using Chinese dominoes, which our family is very fond of. He was very good at that game. I can see him playing it still, being smug about knowing pretty much what the other people had.

Of course, then there's his insistence on speaking English to us whenever my brother and I went back to HK. Even though he obtained a degree in an American University, his English is broken, at best. I will always laugh when one of the cousins bust out, "Now, these curtains, they're Flench. The whole decor is velly Flench."

Man, how we howled like hyenas just thinking about it.

I also remember the last time he took us to The Peninsula Hotel for high tea, how he insisted on giving us a personal guided tour of the place. Asking the matre'd when the restaurant was going to open, and why the food wasn't up to snuff. The finishing touch was when he made me get a picture of the swimming pool.... I groaned, and was inwardly embarassed because I didn't have much of a choice, and we looked like donkeys doing it.

Finally, there's the time when he literally GAVE me his condo to live in for the weeks that I was in HK. Since he wasn't ready to move in, it was empty save for a bed and working fridge. He let me stay there all by myself. I was pimping, dawg! I even brought home a girl on the last night. Something no one knew, until now - don't worry, she was a friend from Toronto, and we just happen to be there at the same time. Nothing happened! I was behaving. (Hi Backseat Becky) hahaha.

Okay, there's one more memory, which I cherish above all else. Something I've only told to a select few people. I think I was 7 or 8.

You know, I believe I've written about this story before, but I will again....

We used to have this folding table that we'd use for meals at lunch. After every meal, we'd put it away. One day, "Bak Fu" decided that I was old enough to move the table by myself.

Now, the table was wider than my wingspan, and taller to boot. There was no way a seven year old had any right to think s/he could move it, let alone carry it to the corner, where it's normally stored.

I didn't want to move it, I was too small, but "Bak Fu" wouldn't hear of it. He wouldn't let anyone else move it or help me, I had to do it by myself. I remembered being very angry at him, because I thought he was demanding too much. But you know what - I moved it, and was able to carry it away. I actually somehow managed, and I felt good about it. To this day, I always try to do physical labour which I feel is beyond me at first glance.... because I know that it's the mental toughness of not giving in that allows me to exert my physical strength. That I have him to thank for.

I guess in the end, I am a little sad. More than a little sad. I will never again, in this lifetime, be able to listen to his stupid jokes. Never again hear about how much he loves China and thinks that Chinese are just about the smartest thing since sliced bread. He's no bigot, but he really appreciated the culture and the wonders that existed within the country, and it is infectious. Throught his eyes, I too understand how rich and great our culture is.

Thanks "Bak Fu". You've tried to teach me how to be a man when I did not have a father figure. You've given me the strength and the will to tackle physical labour head on. You've been a great friend, a dear uncle, and an excellent mentor.

I might not cry tonight, but sometime down the road, when I realize that you're truely gone, I will.

....Godspeed. posted by losir at 1:38 AM