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I think I know why I don't to be a father. My kids would kill me from all the worrying I'd do.

I was driving this morning at the local Wallymart, half asleep, full auto-pilot on. The night before, Tee-Dot got a triple serving of wintery snow, and by this morning, the grounds were slushy and slippery.

The parking lot was already quite busy, and vehicles stopped where they may. Two SUVs rested their massive carcass in front of the pedestrian crossing, intersecting the main entrance. Our Lady Pathetic (OLP) walks between the two behemoths; head down dialing a cell phone with one hand, while pushing a baby stroller with the other. Unless her name was the Amazing Kreskin, or gifted with true ESP (Extra Stupid Power), it was apparent that she was totally oblivious to her surroundings.

So now the stroller is dangerously leading this tragedy-on-foot, awaiting for some idiot (moi) to sideswipe her kid. It wouldn't even really be my fault, as the road conditions would lengthen the distance needed to come to a full stop. Furthermore, we're talking about "Mr. Gosh-darn-sunshine-in-da-morning". I'm a sloth before 1pm. How dare she put this onus and the safety of her offspring on me?

Luckily, the ol' noggin was churning enough to send a signal to my right foot to hit the stop pedal.

I see stuff like this and I think to myself: This is the crap I'd worry about if the child was mine. To bring a precious life into this world, only to lose him/her to my stupidity is incomprehensible. Let's face it peeps, God gave me an extra dose of the stupid serum for good measure.

....thank gawd I'm my own babysitter. posted by losir at 5:31 PM