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Have you ever felt lost? I mean, completely and utterly left without a clue? Like your life compass just got stolen?

Last night while surfing the web for fresh new blogs to read, I came across a remix of Tears for Fear's song - Pharoh, by Groove Armada. It was soothing, and I guess what you would describe as smooth. It reminded me of course of the group Tears for Fears, and how it's odd, but they've really become the Beatles of my life. I mean even to this day, I do not get sick of their songs.

So this morning I promptly fired up my grokster, and downloaded the .mp3s. The first one that I siphoned was "Everybody wants to rule the world."

As soon as the first riff began to play, I was suddenly teleported back to age 12, 13, or 11. My best buds, Colin and Mikey, the three of us on our BMX, riding through the newly built roads and dirt paths in the forest, loving the summer and sunshine. Laughing at the most stupid things. Doing what most kids did in the non-scolastic months. Chillin'. But back then we called it "being bored."

I can still see my Wildcat BMX, bought from Canadian Tires. It costs almost $80 back then, and that was pretty much the king's ransom. Sure, it was far from the best bike in the world, but it was mine. Golly, I can still remember it. The black/red paint scheme, the handle grips that were already worn from everyday use. The knobby tires, the little bit of rust between the handle bars. If I close my eyes now, I can even smell the WD-40 lubing my chain.

And then I jolt back to reality. Just like the movie Matrix, when they jack Neo back out into the real world, so too did I feel like that. *ZZoooopp!* My head swam, my eyes watered, I wanted to hurl.

I looked around, slightly confused at my surroundings. Where was my bike? Where are my friends? What happened to the sun?

Obviously I never left. And although it took me this long to write, (and this long to read), it lastly but only a nano-second. Probably shorter than the whole guitar riff. I definitely "woke up" before the drums in the song lead in. It was that short.

But in that brief time, I became totally lost. I had no idea how old I was or why I was sitting with a MS Natural keyboard on my lap, and stupid non-sensical strings of characters staring back angrily at me on the 19 inch monitor. I was in a quagmire of emotions. Not sorrow, not joy, but a lot of both. The closest I can describe is akin to laughing through streams of tears.

I wonder now what I must have been thinking at that age. What did I want to be? What did I want to do? I just remember that even at that tender age, sometimes life wasn't fair enough to allow you choices. It'll thrust you into a situation and hope you survive. Because if you get bucked off, you won't be allowed back on. Ever.

So I wonder, why am I working so hard? Why do I even bother to care? I certainly didn't before....

Then it hits me. I work so hard now so that later on in life, I can afford to relax and ride my motorcycle out in the sun, with nothing to worry about, except about the idiot who will might cut me off.

....Colin and Mikey, I haven't thought about them in years. posted by losir at 5:48 PM