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[re-written and posted as of 10:15am EST]

Okay, so tonight was laundry night.

I had just finished washing my darks, and was starting to do my whites. As I placed one load into the dryer, and the other into the washer, I noticed that there wasn't enough of whites to do a full load. What to do, what to do?

I looked down, noticing that I was still wearing my beige cargo pants. Ah ha! I can wash this too....But!

I had just washed all my pants, including my track pants and my 2 pair of black shorts. I had absolutely nothing to wear in the house. None.

So I did what every shameless man would have done, I took them off and flung them into the washer. Now the problem is to run back upstairs without getting caught. My landlord, landlady and the kid were all home. Since the laundry room is in the basement, and my room is on the second floor, it was going to be a challenge worthy of a Hollywood screen adaptation. The landlord was watching TV in the basement. The landlady was watching her TV on the first floor in the kitchen, which is situated by the stairs. And the kid was in his room, studying.

Has anyone seen Bruce Lee's Game of Death? You know, where in the end, he's fighting in the Pagoda, and each level's opponent harder than the next? Well, that's how I felt. In only my underwear, the washer already on, the dryer just started, no clothes, no pants. Just my wits, against the whole household.

I listened to the TV in the basement. The landlord is partly deaf, so it was on pretty loud. I recognized the TV show he was watching and knew that he wouldn't turn around to see me go up because a) he couldn't hear well, and b) he was watching Chinese soaps, which means he's glued to the TV. I listened for a bit, making sure it wasn't a commercial, and darted out of the laundry room and onto the basement stairs. All present and accounted for sir!

I waited at the entrance of the first floor, it looked all clear. I heard the Mission Impossible theme song in my head. The landlady loves to see who's walking around the house, so any noise will set her off. Maybe the TV program could hold her at bay, maybe not. It was a gamble. I licked my lips, and set off. I felt like Robert Redford in Sneakers, too old to do any believeable stunts, so instead they conjoured up a situation where he had to slowly move through the room to retrieve some object of desire. I too could not run, for fear of stepping on a creaky floor board or stair. I walked as briskly as I dared, it was almost a 2 foot shuffle or a very bad waltz, take you pick. But I made it unseen. Two out of three obsticles conquered!

I peeked through the railing from the second floor the the third. My room was at the end of the hallway, and I had to pass the kid's door before I could reach safety. I checked his door, closed! And I heard him talking on the phone. Great scott! Here's my chance. I shot up the stairs, heart pounding, arms racing. My blood thudded against my eardrumss as my oxygen starved legs began to protest needing to be active without warning. I flew into my room and slammed the door shut! "Yes!", I mouthed, pumping my fists into the air. "Home free!!" I even felt like yelling "Ollie Ollie oxen free!"

I was pretty proud of myself. I even opened a can of Pepsi as celebration. Then it hits me: How the heck was I supposed to get back downstairs when the laundry was done? I still don't have a pair of pants! I gotta do a repeat performance, only now I have to go downstairs with no TV program to distract them. It's like The Thomas Crown Affair, where after Pierce Brosnan steals the painting, he's gotta sneak it back in at the end of the movie.

....Sometimes I even outsmart myself. posted by losir at 12:40 AM