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mute. We have a situation on our hands. We aren't sure which side of the fence you swing from, so it's time to show us you play for the good guys, and GTG (Get That Girl, old Win3.1 shareware game.)

Here's a printout of your target's Bio.
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Name: Witheld for privacy issue. (And save her the embarassment)
Nickname: Queen-VB
Age: Old enough to date.
Sex: female (presumably)
Occupation: Rarely occupied, mostly free
Marital Status: Single
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Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to disguise yourself as a cool guy, and try to get her out on a date. You will have to suppress every urge to be yourself, and instead, be a like-able, friendly guy. Try using tact, guile, and English. It's the only way she'll know you even exist.

The plan is to set up a group date at a sports bar to watch the next playoff hockey game. Once this has been established, you will suggest that instead of the sports bar, your place of residence is a far better idea. Graciously offer your house that has a big 50+ inch TV, buy some booze, snacks, and hoogies for all to munch on while we cheer on the Buds. You will suggest this like it's off the top of your head, instead of being rehearsed and well planned. Of course, making dry runs with several of your cohorts is highly recommended. For example, take ChinaBoy and put him in a skirt to pretend he's your target. Practice saying "Let's go to my house for the hockey game." until it becomes natural. Remember now, you cannot make out with ChinaBoy!! He's not one of your regular dates! So restrain yourself. Have some discipline for Pete's sake.

From there on, make plans to have subsequent contacts with her. i.e.: Get her real phone number. Hint, 416-456-7890 is likely not a real number. After that, play it by ear. Don't stalk her too close, or else she'll balk. Not calling when you said you would is also a no-no. Remember, fight the urge to be you. Discretion is the key to success.

It's a difficult mission to be sure. As always, if you're caught, we'll deny any involvement in this or any other previous schemes hatched up for you. Moreover, we will deny knowing you or being called your friend if you bomb your last chance at being straight. It's up to you.

....This message will self destruct in 5 seconds.


posted by losir at 12:21 PM