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Missed my May 25th posting too. Not much happened though, so it's alight. Well something did happen, I'll get to that another day.

I wake up this morning, weather report says that it's currently -1 outside. I look out, it was sunny, fergettaboutit, I'm taking the bike. As I go through my morning routine of getting dressed, I put on my pants and then thought about it. "-1?! I better wear my leathers instead. It'll be too cold to ride in my jeans."

On the way out the door, I check for my wallet. It was still in the pair of pants I had just worn previous. "No probs." I said to myself. Since I'm bringing the jeans to work to change anyway, I might as well leave my wallet in my pants. Big mistake.

Fast forward 20 minutes: I can't find my bloody wallet. It's NO where to be found. I start to panic. Where the blank is it? Is it in the bike? I run down, check my trunk. Neit. Is it in my knapsack (highly unlikely because I made a conscious effort to leave it in my jeans....) Nein. Uh-oh....

I look around my cubicle, nudda. I look around the hallways of the Company. Nope. "Mr. President, we advise to go to Defcon 3."

"Maybe it's at home! In my room or in the garage." Worst case scenario is that while I carried my pants to the garage, it dropped on the doorway or driveway. Better go home at lunch to check.

FF 20 minutes (Look, normally I'd go into exqusite detail about how great the ride is. Forget that, it's about my wallet, not my bike!): I'm at home riping my room apart. Clothes are flying everywhere, furniture is overturned. I'm kicking and cursing anything and everything that could be covering the beloved wallet. "Come out, come out, wherever you arreeeee...." Not-fing

I check the garage, I check my car (I had opened up my car to get my sunglasses this morning), I looked under the car, I check the bush, the grass, the dog next door! uh-uh

"Mr. President, we advise you to go to Defcon 4."

Now I'm starting to really worry. Credit cards, ATM card, driver's license, SIN card, health card, citizenship card, ID badge for work, money, telephone numbers, Second Cup frequent buyer card, library card, coupon at Booger Thing... ohmygawd!!

"Okay buddy, maybe it is still in your knapsack. It could be in one of the little pockets in the front."

FF 20 minutes: I'm at work now, seething and steaming. Where the bloody hell is my wallet? Okay, not the nicest of language, but hey, my wallet's gone AWOL, I think I'm allowed to be a little maniacal.

I'm back at my cube, the knapsack in front of me. I'm afraid to touch it, I'm so afraid that it's not there. I mean, if it ain't there, it means it's lost. It's not just the money that'll take to replace the cards, but it's the hassle. I look for a familiar rectangular bulge at the front of the pocket. My mind's playing with me now. I think I see it, but I don't know for sure. Is it or ain't it?? One way to find out.... "Open sesame"

NOOOOooooOOOoooooOOooooooo It. Is. Not. There.

"Wallet-o, wallet-o. Wherefore art my wallet-o."

I'm utterly and completely deflated. I mean, I'm so low, I can play handball with the curb. To say "This ain't good." would be an understatement. How many 4 letter words do I know?! I guess I'll find out in about 1 second....

My rational brain kicks in. Profanity won't help you now. Let's be calm. What do I need to report lost first? Just what exactly was in my wallet that I need replacing? Start the phone calling.

I flop down on my chair. I look at the phone, unable to bring myself to call up Visa and report a lost card. Right now, I just want to hide under the covers and whimper.

Well, look on the bright side, I can finally use that new wallet I've had for like forever. And frankly, it's a great way to remove some of the bulk and junk I've aquired from my old wallet. Besides, there wasn't that much money in there to begin with, and that coupon at Booger Thing was probably expired. Annnnd, it's lunch time, so why don't you grab some grub before you start making phone calls. (Luckily, I had just gotten $45 reimbersed for supplies I had bought on behalf of the Company.) So at least I had money to buy lunch.

Sure, it's a pain that I have to call half of the government of Ontario and several banks to replace all my stuff, but it won't kill me. Feeling a little better that at least nothing lost was irreplaceable, I push back on the desk and slide out my chair.

I look down, underneath my desk. Lo and behold, there she sat. As smug as a newday sun. Half hidden because the wallet's black, the other half from sheer panic.

....if it was a child, do you scold and spank it for putting you through the ringer, or do you hold it and say you love it?? I dunno, maybe a little of both I guess. posted by losir at 1:03 PM