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I was talking to my landlord's grandson, who's going off into University next year. He hasn't decided on a school yet, so he asked ol' LoSir what I thought.

Interesting person he picked, since I'm not known for my scholastic tendencies. But I do feel I have a unique point of view which I thought to share with you, in case any readers stumble upon my page and also have the same questions. First, let me give you his three options.

Scenario #1:
Go off to a university far enough away that you won't see your parents but once a month at most. Live on campus, experience the dorm life.

Scenario #2:
Go to a university downtown, where most of his high school friends are going, live on campus, experience the dorm life, and have a blast with your buddies. See your parents at least once a week.

Scenario #3: Go to a university very close to home, live at home, see them nearly everyday, but have your own car to drive around.

Pop quiz, what would you choose?

If you picked #1, buzzzz, you lose. Sure, living away from your parents is very appealing, but then you're stuck with public transportation and your own two feet. Hoofing it everywhere and having to bum a ride off people when you have to venture off-campus suck. Pure and simple.

#2 is a trick question. Why would you want to live downtown, with no car, and be close enough to home that you have go back at least once a week?? That's just stupid. Hanging out with your best friend(s) is not a plus either, because a) you'll meet new friends anyway which leads to b) it's rare that you'll enjoy your high school friends during university. Most friendships drift apart after high school anyway.

Therefore, the logical and only choice in my opinion is #3. Why you ask? Simple.

Chicks.

Chicks dig guys with cars. For the same reason you'd rather get a ride to school instead of walking in the winter in primary school, girls will stick to you like glue because your car is warmer than the bus shelter. There's nothing more important than getting a girlfriend in university. Trust me on this one. School will always be there, and honestly, if your I.Q. is higher than the average squash, you should be able to pass most courses. I mean, you know how to copy homework right? You know how to pay your smarter buddies to do it for you right? There you go. You'll be getting a degree in 3 or 4 years then, give or take several semesters. So education isn't an issue, or rather, the perception of an education should be easy peasy. I say this with confidence, because after high school, you should know your mental capabilities. No stupid guy tries to be a doctor, and no smart guy decides to be a plumber. So, the career you choose should be obtainable.

However, let's say you decide to go into a smarty pants field like, oh computer science. Have you ever heard of really good looking girls sitting in front of their computer all day and night just so they can optimize twenty lines of code? Right, I haven't either. At least, I haven't met one yet. Sure, I've chatted online before with girls, and you'd like to think they're pretty, but what are the chances? I say it's pretty slim. (less than 0%, I know, but that's for another day.) Pretty girls gets asked out on dates.... They don't sit at home.

My point is that most girls don't do computer science. Now, don't get your panties in a hissy fit, please. I'm into equality as much as the next neutered male, but it is a fact of life. I work in the high tech industry. More than 95% of the people that sit in front of the computer all day long are men. Of the 5% percent, I can count on 1 finger how many girls aren't revolting. Yes, it's really that bad.

So what I'm saying is that there just aren't many girls to choose from once you're jettisoned into a high tech field, or a career choice that's male-centric. Now I guess beauty is mere perception, but let me ask you this: When you were REALLY hungry, I mean famished-hungry, didn't bad food taste pretty good too? Get my point?

That's why you have to find a girlfriend while still in university. Sure, your program may be devoid of cute girls, but I'm sure they are around, and you can be introduced to girls from other faculties, right? At least your chances of talking to a girl is much higher during school related activities than if you're stuck in your cubicle with fifty other guys around you, all intently staring at the screen, thinking about how to make their code two nanoseconds faster.

Which brings owning a car back into perspective. You're a different breed of animal when you have your own ride. You were instantly cooler because you didn't have a pocket full of bus token. Girls can smell the engine oil and gasoline. They are subliminally drawn to men with cars. Their primal instincts say "Here man. Own car. Me cold. He good.". It comes down to conveniences. Much like the same way you use the microwave to defrost meat, girls will prefer the ride to her door, than waiting fifteen minutes for a bus, take the half an hour bus ride, and then the ten minute walk to their residence. Everytime. If you're not Don Juan, you need an "in". You need an excuse to talk to them, to hang around them; and there's no better line than "Hey you, wanna lift?"

I can suffer through the embarrassment of living at home past the age of 18. I can live with the anxiety of parents yelling from the kitchen "Come down and drink soup!". I can endure the constant nagging to finish homework before going out. Heck, I can even deal with the fact that I will still be under the scrutiny of the Folks' evil eye when I ain't doing so hot in school. Fine. Just give me the car.

If you're not gay, and plan on settling down with Ms. Right eventually, you better start, right away. If you wait until you graduate, your chances of bagging a girl is so much slimmer. I mean, there's no guarantee that the first girl you date is the first girl you marry, right?? So start practicing your social skills in university. Life is tough enough as it is. It's much tougher when you're 35, well established, and sitting at home on a Friday night. Okay?!

So please, for the sake of your parents who wants to have grandkids eventually, live at home and take the car. Your social life will be the better for it. Let them use you for your car. At least driving a cute girl home is better than bussing your sorry ass back to the dorm, alone.

I apologize to the people who've gone through college/university without a girlfriend. I wish I could have helped. Alas, I am but a mere mortal. My deepest condolences to your parents, who'll probably never get you out of the house now.

....With wisdom like this, how could you go wrong??


















posted by losir at 6:32 PM