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I hate minivans. I absolutely abhor them, especially on the highway.

Minivans are big, they're burly, and they handle like a truck. Worse are minivans based on car platforms. They are NOT cars.

So why is it that some automobile companies insist on selling them as sport vehicles?! Where's the sense in that?

Look buddy, when you're in a phase of life where a minivan makes sense, then your days of cruising in a hotrod trying to pick up chicks are OVER. Trust me on this one. Twenty year old girls don't dig balding guys over fourty with spinach stuck in their teeth, and blasting John Denver's "Country Road". Not even if you drive a Montana Sport minivan. It's not "built for drivers." It's built for your kids' soccer team and a month supply of kitty litter, OK??

If I had a nail for every Yahoo that sped down the highway with total disregard for other's safety in a two ton minivan, weaving in and out of traffic re-enacting the Days of Thunder, there'd be a lot of flat tires on the road, let me tell you. I know you're in a rush, I accept that. Most people these days are. But even with ABS, it takes a LOT longer to stop a van than say, oh, a NASCAR.

So please, for the love of Pete, stop driving them like a go-kart, because they're not! And don't be a left lane bandit either, hogging up the passing lane. It's not like other non truck drivers can see through your high bumper and higher trunk lift-gate. Worse are the ones who insist their minivans are cool vehicles, and must be tinted so much that it would repel laser attacks from the Star Wars defense program. We can't see ahead of you, and you're making passing very dangerous for the rest of us.

I even had minivans tailgate me when I obviously cannot speed because of traffic conditions. Just stop. Drive it like a school bus, and you'll make the world such a better place.

....The really bad part is that I'll be sharing the road with these Neanderthals once the riding season starts
posted by losir at 3:11 PM