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I don't trust scientists. I'm weary of people in thick bottle glasses with white lab coats and sterile clipboards tucked under the arm, exactly perpedicular to the floor. I don't believe in people who've spent more time in school than I have in the can. Nope, you're a suspucious lot.

You lied. All those years with your nose in a book, up until the wee hours of the morn with a room completely dark save the glow of the monitor shining onto your greasy foreheads; all for naught. You forsook dates on the weekend, fun during weeknights, and even gave up any attempt to styling your hair. And for what?! Nothing I say. Not a bloomin' freaking thing!!

Get out of the Star Trek conventions, stop watching X-Files and Babylon 5 reruns. Put the Popular Science magazine back onto the shelf, and surrender that pocket protector. You're not worthy to be called a geek!

Do I have reasons to hate you? Of course I do! You're in on it with the weatherperson (can't be weatherman anymore). I know it! You say, time and time again: "Stop driving your car. Stop using that aresol spray can. Don't eat too much beans."

You promised us that if we kept emmitting green-house gasses, there'd be global warming. Well it ain't happening. At least, it's not happening fast enough! I want global warming, and I want it now!!

It. Is. Snowing. AGAIN! After I left my car running all night, with the catalytic converter ripped out, and extra leaded gasoline in my car. I took out all my hair spray cans, and emptied them into the air. I even ate enough beans the night before to be able to fart to the tune of the national anthem, and STILL it snows?!

Come on folks. Help me out a little. The ozone layer isn't thinning out enough. Not for this kid. I need warm weather, so I can ride my motorcycle already. If several billion people die of heat exhaustion, tough. Look on the bright side (get it??), at least you'll die a warm, healthy tan. Trust me, it looks good on ya. It's just skin cancer. Suck it up, ol' chap!

You don't understand, I'm starting to lose it. I went to the video arcades to play motorcycle games today. That's how desperate I am. Next time, I'm going to play it with my helmet on!

....I don't hate snow, I just hate it in the winter.

posted by losir at 11:59 PM