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I've been a tortured soul lately. My heartstrings have been tugging at all sides. I don't know how to define it. Well I do actually, but it's hard to write into words, because I don't know if people can understand my feelings.

If you've been a faithful reader, or a new reader who's read the archives (and I strongly encourage that you do, there's some decent posts there), you'll notice that the basic theme of the majority of posts have been about age. You can still think and act like 12, but there's no denying that I'm hurtling towards the big Three Oh.

What a scary thought, more than one third of my life has passed me by. And all I have to show for it is probably some nasty scars from ages past of wreckless fun. I know that chicks dig scars. But now, they don't seem to be worth the trouble.... OUCH!

I've said that I don't want to grow up, but upon deeper reflection, it's more than that. I don't want to conform to society's ideal of being grown up. You know: Wife, 1.8 Kids, 2 car garage, and the 25 yr Mortgage.

Who says that in order for a person to be happy, one must be married before 30, ready to shoot out a couple of Ankle Biters, and earn a steady income equivilant to the GNP of Timbucktoo? Who decided that for me?? Show me a happy person in marriage, and I'll show you 2 who'd rather pub crawl with their ring finger cut off.

That's not fair actually. I know plenty of happily married couples, and I congratulate them. It's a wonderful feeling, to have finally settled down with "The One". I can see the gleam in their eyes, and the inevitable goofy smile each time their better half is mentioned. "Aww, shucks. I'm one lucky guy/gal." *PUKE*

I too want to settle down eventually, but it just feels too rushed. I seem to have been flung into outer space, and because of the gravitational pull of my age, I'm locked, stocked, and cocked onto a course to Holy Matrimony - and thereby implied eternal Bliss.

Let me make a VERY CLEAR POINT: No one is forcing me to get hitched anytime soon. No one. Don't go start speculating. However, it's the people I speak to everyday. "How old are you?.... Oh, and you're still not ready to settle down??.... Is there something wrong with you??.... Are you sure it's not contagious?" Convention says that I should be itching to settle down. Convention says that if I ain't hitched at around age 30, my sexual preference is obviously for the same gender. Convention says that if by age 30, you haven't found someone at least close to being "The One", then you're doomed in your later years with raising dogs and talking to cats. Gawd!!!! Help mee! ..........*meow*

I see couples in restaurants. The wife is taking care of the Kid; lovingingly feeding It with carrots pur�e and washed down with vitamin enriched grape juice. The husband, is invariably either reading a magazine, newspaper, or if all else fails, studying the little diagrams that show how to hold a pair of chopsticks. It doesn't matter, as long as he isn't paying attention to the wife or child, it's all good. Throughout the course of the meal, nary a word will be exchanged between the 2 adults, and the only sensible conversation throughout the night will be "Open wide baby, UUUMMM!"

Please don't let me be like that. Just stop me at the altar and say "I don't". I want real spice, not MSG enriched, hydronated unsaturated orgranic compound that looks and tastes like life, but just one calorie! I want the full monty, the whole 9 yards. In short, I want my life to be fulfilling, and not a half baked shell of a man, trying to make sure I fit into society's little jig saw puzzle, with a receeding hairline.

I'm doing good so far, and as unlucky as I am at most risk involved activities (ask me about riding my bicycle to Wonderland at age 15 sometime), I've lucked out in life. I've got a decent job. I've got enough money to live in comfort. I've got good friends, and a great little pharmaceutical treasure chest named ms_toxin. Let's put things into perspective. All in all, even if life isn't a bed of roses, at least it's not a wreath of poison ivy.

...I don't ask for much in life, just the basic necessity to be happy: A fast sportbike and an open road; and a huggable, snuggable little toxic bunny on those cold Toronto nights.












posted by losir at 7:51 PM