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I am not a photographer.

I mean, I use a camera to point to an object, scenery, person, or people, and I click the shutter, recording onto flash media.

The problem is that that's exactly what I do.

This is especially true when I attempt to photograph people. Even when they are at my disposal to pose them any way I want, the end product is cruddy.

So to remedy this on a whim I went and bought an SB-600, thinking that a synced up flash will fill away all the shadows and any other compositional problems.

Alas, it was money not well spent. Maybe they were tired after a day of walking around looking for locales. Or perhaps they just didn't want to take engagement photos, but at the end of the day, the two hundred plus pictures I snapped are all pretty poor. Piss poor to be exact.

They say I'm too hard on myself, but when you see through the eyes of a person (me) with three thousand dollars worth of electronics on the click side of the lens, I've earned the right to be harsh.

There's a Canon commercial that ends with the tagline, "I don't take pictures, I make them.

....Well, I take them - and not very well. posted by losir at 11:30 PM

Maybe that's why they call it a "ghost shrimp".

Mine disappeared, completely. It's like it never existed. I found a bit of a shell, and a lump that may or may not be a head. For all I know though, it could be the molted bits from the other day. Oh yeah, my shrimp molted the day after I picked it up. Pretty cool.

So now I only have a coloured shrimp left (looks like a ghost shrimp, but has colour?).

But where did the other bad boy go? There isn't a carcass. Did I bury it by accident when I was moving the rocks around? Heaven forbid.

Did my fish eat it? Is it possible?

....What are you going to do? posted by losir at 9:51 AM

Bunch of pictures of my fish tank. I'm so preoccupied by it, I can stare at it fifteen minutes at a time and not be bored.

Gross looking worm thing in my tank!

....Yep.

posted by losir at 11:15 PM

I hate people who enjoy seeing others fail.

I work out at the gym because I enjoy the pump afterwards. I might not look big at all, but at least I feel better about myself. I'm more confident and I hate myself less. In the end, this crazy world where nothing is assured, one can at least take solace in the fact one can control whether one's at the gym or not.

Miyagi, for lack of a better nickname, lives to break others down I'm sure. He thrives on telling people that they suck, but more importantly that he's better.

He leads this one guy to the flat press machine. Putting 25lb weights on each side, he tells him to do as many reps as possible, with perfect form, if you please.

The dude struggles, and at the fifth rep, the bar is squished on his chest and doesn't move an inch.

Anyone who knows what a workout buddy is would give a spot - that is, you grab onto the bar and pull a little, hoping that momentum and sign of movement will rejuvenate the person doing the exercise to continue pushing, finishing off the rep.

"Come on, that's all you got?" He shouts from the top, without putting his hand on the bar.

Buddyboy struggles some more, to no avail. His legs are shaking, he's arching his back, it's no longer a bench press as much as a struggle for the next breath.

Finally, the kid gives up and Miyagi has to bail him out by yanking the bar upwards. As the dude gets off the bench, he sneers, "Hey, you only did five reps."

Miyagi flops down on the bench and with great form, crushes out a set of the 25lb each side. Good for you.

Then a couple of guys in his "crew" goad him on to try the "big" 45 lb plates. He gets underneath and sweats a set, but the previous dude remark, "That was only 5 reps too!"

Miyagi slowly lurches up onto his feet, shoulders slumped, arms at the side - as if injured. He looks gassed, and quite exasperatedly huffs, "Well I'm tired from before."

I look in their direction and inwardly shake my head. If you aren't doing decent weights, you have lost the right to say anything. 45 lb a side is by no means little weight, but it's not a lot either. For example, I warm up with a plate of 45 lb each time with ten reps - I might not be able to do much more than that afterwards, but at least I don't count 45's as a set.

Miyagi does this ever so often. He gathers one or two guys interested in "working out", and goes out of his way to destroy their ego. He forces guys to do weights that are too much, and expects a fitness level of a regular gym rat when they are obviously out of shape. The 2 new guys he bamboozled, although both are taller and thicker than me, can obviously observe that they've just not been working out long enough to try some of the weights that Miyagi can lift.

I feel for them, but then I don't. The two new guys are very cocky, who often walk around like they own all the equipment. Several times now they've gotten in the way. Like sitting on my bench to take a rest while I walk off to drink some water. Or stand in front of the cooler getting two cups of water while I'm waiting patiently behind just wanting a sip. They don't put the weights back, they don't try to avoid you when you are lifting - it's just a hostile environment like I killed their mother or something. I don't quite get it.

The worst is that Miyagi doesn't say hi to me unless I say hi to him first. It's like because he's on the treadmill, he can't spare a breath to acknowledge my presence. Even if he looks at me straight in the eye, he won't nod, wave, or put up a hand in greeting. I have to say, "Yo Miyagi, 'sup." before he puffs out a "hi...."

....I need to start working out harder. posted by losir at 2:13 AM

Look, I have several things to write about, but none of them are very interesting.

I met my neigbour's kid today, grade 8. Polite, nice, totally what I did not expect - you know kids these days. Even offered to help with anything I need. I found that extremely amusing.

I had to throw out food today. Actually I threw out two meals. If I had not forgotten to eat it or take it home to eat, it wouldn't be so sad. Such as it is, I'm very disappointed in myself. Wasted some yummy salmon sushimi that I wanted to fry up on my skillet, and threw out pork chop cutlets with rice.

Oh yeah, sometimes I still miss her.

....Sleep time. posted by losir at 2:29 AM

With permission.

She approves of this picture.

....I wish I could take better pictures of people.

posted by losir at 12:08 AM

Wow, 4 days without posting. Sorry about that.

I've been sleeping really early lately. By early I mean no later than one a.m.

I tried to stay up to two a.m. on Friday night, and it was pure struggles. That was with Ultimate Fighter on my TV no less. I crashed so hard afterwards, I felt like I had just run a marathon.

Part of it is because I'm working out really hard now. I am trying to go heavy on all my sets. I'm also getting to work earlier now, usually making it in before ten a.m. I know that sounds late, but trust me, it's leaps and bounds better than the 11:30 tuck and sneak.

But mostly it's because I'm getting old!

....I still act like I'm twelve though.

posted by losir at 11:50 PM