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I was talking to my landlord's grandson, who's going off into University next year. He hasn't decided on a school yet, so he asked ol' LoSir what I thought.

Interesting person he picked, since I'm not known for my scholastic tendencies. But I do feel I have a unique point of view which I thought to share with you, in case any readers stumble upon my page and also have the same questions. First, let me give you his three options.

Scenario #1:
Go off to a university far enough away that you won't see your parents but once a month at most. Live on campus, experience the dorm life.

Scenario #2:
Go to a university downtown, where most of his high school friends are going, live on campus, experience the dorm life, and have a blast with your buddies. See your parents at least once a week.

Scenario #3: Go to a university very close to home, live at home, see them nearly everyday, but have your own car to drive around.

Pop quiz, what would you choose?

If you picked #1, buzzzz, you lose. Sure, living away from your parents is very appealing, but then you're stuck with public transportation and your own two feet. Hoofing it everywhere and having to bum a ride off people when you have to venture off-campus suck. Pure and simple.

#2 is a trick question. Why would you want to live downtown, with no car, and be close enough to home that you have go back at least once a week?? That's just stupid. Hanging out with your best friend(s) is not a plus either, because a) you'll meet new friends anyway which leads to b) it's rare that you'll enjoy your high school friends during university. Most friendships drift apart after high school anyway.

Therefore, the logical and only choice in my opinion is #3. Why you ask? Simple.

Chicks.

Chicks dig guys with cars. For the same reason you'd rather get a ride to school instead of walking in the winter in primary school, girls will stick to you like glue because your car is warmer than the bus shelter. There's nothing more important than getting a girlfriend in university. Trust me on this one. School will always be there, and honestly, if your I.Q. is higher than the average squash, you should be able to pass most courses. I mean, you know how to copy homework right? You know how to pay your smarter buddies to do it for you right? There you go. You'll be getting a degree in 3 or 4 years then, give or take several semesters. So education isn't an issue, or rather, the perception of an education should be easy peasy. I say this with confidence, because after high school, you should know your mental capabilities. No stupid guy tries to be a doctor, and no smart guy decides to be a plumber. So, the career you choose should be obtainable.

However, let's say you decide to go into a smarty pants field like, oh computer science. Have you ever heard of really good looking girls sitting in front of their computer all day and night just so they can optimize twenty lines of code? Right, I haven't either. At least, I haven't met one yet. Sure, I've chatted online before with girls, and you'd like to think they're pretty, but what are the chances? I say it's pretty slim. (less than 0%, I know, but that's for another day.) Pretty girls gets asked out on dates.... They don't sit at home.

My point is that most girls don't do computer science. Now, don't get your panties in a hissy fit, please. I'm into equality as much as the next neutered male, but it is a fact of life. I work in the high tech industry. More than 95% of the people that sit in front of the computer all day long are men. Of the 5% percent, I can count on 1 finger how many girls aren't revolting. Yes, it's really that bad.

So what I'm saying is that there just aren't many girls to choose from once you're jettisoned into a high tech field, or a career choice that's male-centric. Now I guess beauty is mere perception, but let me ask you this: When you were REALLY hungry, I mean famished-hungry, didn't bad food taste pretty good too? Get my point?

That's why you have to find a girlfriend while still in university. Sure, your program may be devoid of cute girls, but I'm sure they are around, and you can be introduced to girls from other faculties, right? At least your chances of talking to a girl is much higher during school related activities than if you're stuck in your cubicle with fifty other guys around you, all intently staring at the screen, thinking about how to make their code two nanoseconds faster.

Which brings owning a car back into perspective. You're a different breed of animal when you have your own ride. You were instantly cooler because you didn't have a pocket full of bus token. Girls can smell the engine oil and gasoline. They are subliminally drawn to men with cars. Their primal instincts say "Here man. Own car. Me cold. He good.". It comes down to conveniences. Much like the same way you use the microwave to defrost meat, girls will prefer the ride to her door, than waiting fifteen minutes for a bus, take the half an hour bus ride, and then the ten minute walk to their residence. Everytime. If you're not Don Juan, you need an "in". You need an excuse to talk to them, to hang around them; and there's no better line than "Hey you, wanna lift?"

I can suffer through the embarrassment of living at home past the age of 18. I can live with the anxiety of parents yelling from the kitchen "Come down and drink soup!". I can endure the constant nagging to finish homework before going out. Heck, I can even deal with the fact that I will still be under the scrutiny of the Folks' evil eye when I ain't doing so hot in school. Fine. Just give me the car.

If you're not gay, and plan on settling down with Ms. Right eventually, you better start, right away. If you wait until you graduate, your chances of bagging a girl is so much slimmer. I mean, there's no guarantee that the first girl you date is the first girl you marry, right?? So start practicing your social skills in university. Life is tough enough as it is. It's much tougher when you're 35, well established, and sitting at home on a Friday night. Okay?!

So please, for the sake of your parents who wants to have grandkids eventually, live at home and take the car. Your social life will be the better for it. Let them use you for your car. At least driving a cute girl home is better than bussing your sorry ass back to the dorm, alone.

I apologize to the people who've gone through college/university without a girlfriend. I wish I could have helped. Alas, I am but a mere mortal. My deepest condolences to your parents, who'll probably never get you out of the house now.

....With wisdom like this, how could you go wrong??


















posted by losir at 6:32 PM

Man, what is going on with Toronto. Something like 5 shootings in a week. Hey, this is Toronto, Hogtown, you know, just like New York City, but no trash and everone is friend? What the heck is going on here?

The problem with guns is that it's the ultimate equalizer. Back in the day of schoolyard scraps, two kids with a grudge would fight it out after class. Normally, it was nothing more harmful than the two kids pushing each other, until they rolled around the grass, muddied and tired. It was a bad fight if one of the kids took off his shoe and threw it at the other. Shoot, a lot of the times the two kids fighting even became friends afterwards.

Nowadays, you can't look at anyone the wrong way, in fear of getting shot in the back. Guns are the ultimate "coward" weapon. You don't need to put a hand on your victim to do damage. And guns give the agressor a sense of security and manhood no knife or baseball bat can. Everyone knows a gunshot is final. You shoot someone, they might not die, but their ability to fight back is instantly stopped. If the victim survives, s/he feel humiliated, and decides to get one, in case they're ever in the same situation. Everyone is trying to one-up the next person.

I say everyone carries a cup of round, dime sized plastic chips. If at anytime you feel like your honoured has been stepped on, or anything stupid like that. Break out the cup and chips, and play a game of Tiddlywinks. Yes, that would work. Just think, 5 year olds would be feared and revered by the badest gangsters!

...so a guy in a ski mask runs into the bank and yells "Give me all your money, or I'll put a tiddlywink in your cup!"



posted by losir at 6:40 PM

Heh, talk about deflation of the ego mate. I can't even spell "whoa". Thanks to Nick, who gave me the proper spelling. So I prompted changed it in my post from [3/4/2001 7:05:14 PM]. I also changed a little bit of the wording in some places, no biggie. Don't bother re-reading it, unless you're anal like me. Hahaha.

More later. posted by losir at 10:40 AM

Everything I ever needed to know I learned from the Karate Kid.

Integrity: The Karate Kid never once crane kicked below the belt. Not even against evil Jonny.

Honour: He made out with the Japanese girl in Karate Kid 2 only after Ally had dumped him.

Hygene: No matter how hard he worked, his bandana was never drenched in sweat, nor did it really get dirty.

Fashion: Come on, a white gi is the ultimate fashion statement. It says "Don't mess with me" and, "I am comfortable in my PJs" all in one breath.

Tenacious: He made 2 sequels afterall. Come on, after the first, wasn't the plot getting just a little thin?

Sensitive: After being pushed off a hill, he threw his bike into the trash and yells: "I hate this freaking bike!". I think I saw a tear....

Love: He brought his mommy along on a date. If I only loved my parents enough to bring them out on my dates.... *sniff* I'm a so ashamed of myself....~cries.

Qualifications: After the first movie, he could paint, wash, wax, and sand the floor! Now he can be the super.

Humility: When Jonny handed him the trophy after losing, the Karate Kid didn't showboat, never once saying "I'm the MAN!"

Gracious: When the Karate Kid turned 30, he and the movie studio knew he couldn't pull off being 17 anymore, so he retired and they got a girl to be the Next Karate Person. Hiya!

...And the all important: Never be wishy washy. Wisdom from Mr. Miagi, "Karate 'Yes'. Karate 'No'. If Karate 'guess so', *Gwish* just like-a tha grape."



posted by losir at 4:13 PM

I'm feeling a lot better now. Tired, but good. Working out hard puts me at ease. I'm too tired to be edgy.

I'm dying to tell my secret. I mean, what good is a secret if I can't share it with anyone right? I know there are a lot of people smarter than me. But please, let me have this little moment of glory, okay? mmmmkThx. So here goes a "sneak-preview-to-a-coming-attraction-at-a-theatre-near-you" kinda moment.

If everything goes well, next week I won't be sitting at my usual desk. In fact, I won't be in the lab anymore. I just scored a job with one of the development groups on the second floor. I don't want to say what Company I'm working for now, but if you know, Mum's the word. Congratz to me, I'm pretty stoked folks. Trust me, I haven't been this excited.... well not since the bike ride, and I'm probably just as scared.

So I'm moving on up in the world. Not a big step when put into perspective with the smart guys, but at one point I was at such a low point in life, I had to reach up to touch the ground. So this is a major score for me. Don't break out the champagne yet though. The bubbly is for the after party, when they realize I ain't firing blanks.

I have an older buddy, who I treasure and trust his opinion. I look forward to our near daily chats after hours. He's like a much older, bigger brother. When I broke the news to him he said to me. "Don't sweat it kid, you're a member of the W.I.F.T. group. You'll be fine. I know you can do it."

"What pray tell is the WIFT group?" I'm sure you asking, as did I. Well, it stands for: Whatever It F***ing Takes. And I guess that's true. I've never been a hard worker, a person who strives to succeed in life. Still I know that I have to do whatever it takes each day to get by. If that means I have to stay 20 hours a day to get my stuff learned, I will be like George Castanza in Seinfeld, building a little bed under my desk. If it means sneaking the work home so I can sweat it out on the weekends, I'm Mission Impossible like Tom Cruise. In short, I will do Whatever It ahem Takes.

That's why I can't go back to HK in May now. As much as I want to, this is the time to show up at the plate and take a mighty swing at the ball. Yes, there's a chance I might wiff and strike out, but it also means I could make solid contact and at least get on base. That's all I want in life. I don't need to be the guy who grandslams in the 9th with 2 outs on a full count. I'll leave the hero stuff to guys who get off on it. I just want to get on base.

....After that, I just might steal second. Then who knows, the world is an oyster, and I could be one of the shucksters. posted by losir at 9:07 PM

Wow, what a great day. Another snow storm. Hurrah.

According to the weather report, we've got it lucky, with only a 5-10 cm accumulation. Let the celebration begin. Time to buy a lottery ticket. The whole bit.

Please.

What a crummy winter, isn't spring supposed to be next week?

I'm so depressed, I don't have any energy to write anything today. So consider this my Monday entry.

....I think I'm gonna sell my bike and just get a snowmobile. Welcome to Canada, eh? posted by losir at 4:21 PM

So who here remembers 1984? Not the year, where some of you hit puberty. No, we surely don't want to remind you of that! I mean the book.

Everybody makes reference to it. "Big Brother is Watching". Strike a bell? Of course it does.

However, when I first read 1984, I was more interested in the idea that language had become extremely simplified. Everyone spoke in near monosyllables, and adjectives were thrown out, instead people used a hierachy of basic words to describe something very grand. See below.

good
plus good
double plus good

We are now at a stage in urban culture where the language of the general public has become grunts and barely discernable babble. Linguistically speaking, we are at an all time low. What's worse is that the dumber you sound, the more cooler you become. You don't believe me? Go watch a little bit of BET (Black Entertainment Television). Before I get flamed for being called a bigot and a racist, let me start by saying that I happen to like rap and hip-hop. I listen to it quite a bit, ever since in high school, simply because I like the beats, and some of the lyrics are witty and inventive. However, look at the majority of the so-called rap artists today. Most if not every "rap-star" ends their sentence with youKnowWhatI'mSayin'. I've heard some guy say that phrase five times in one sentence. I was so annoyed, I wanted to grab the guy by the throat and scream "No, you idiot, I don't know what you're saying. So stoping asking me if I do, and try to explain it to me in understandable, everyday, non 'Ebony-fied' English!!"

More dire, is the fact that most of these songs must use incorrectly spelt words for it to be "in". Take for example the song "Bout Dat". Unfortunately, I don't have the lyrics in front of me, nor can I remeber verbatim how the words go. But the gist of the song is something like -> "Benz and Rolls Royce, we bout dat. Chicks and hos (meaing prostitutes, but could also be girls who are too materialistic), we bout dat." Well you get the idea. The artist, and I use that term very loosely, is trying to tell the audience that he and his friends are into making money and meeting beautiful girls. That's why they're bout dat. I could almost forgive them if the song was " 'bout that". At least it's contextually correct, even though it's still rather silly.

There's also a song called "Whoa." It states (again, I'm paraphrasing): Each time someone sees anything out of the norm, be it the freaky or just rare, you reply with "Whoa." For example, if you see a person almost get hit by a freight train, only to miss by the hair on his chinny chin chin, you should say "Whoa." If a fine looking specimen of the opposite sex looks over and gives you a wink; "Whoa." If you got an F in your midterm, and you really needed 'A' to pass grade 9.... "Whoa." If you can't read a complete sentence without wetting your shorts, you guessed it! "Whoa." Nothing else needs to be said. From now on, all your amazment, fustration, anger, or bewilderment can be summed up in one single tidy little syllable. How's that for being concise?

Then there are the urban phrases that are being more mainstream. When did we socially accept that "bling bling" expresses a windfall in materialistic wealth? Using it in a sentence: "We just made some bling bling in the Tech sector." or, "I just landed a new job with a salary of fifty thousands dollars a year. Bling bling." Also, It is possible to use "bling" as a verb. "Our company is bling blinging, because I just closed a huge deal with the Johnson's account."

Look at shows like "The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire". Everyone thought that Will Smith was a cool guy. He was totally in sync with the popular urban culture of that time, as opposed to poor old Carlton, who dare I say: "wasn't black enough." Why? Because he didn't walk with a cocky bounce, wear a bandana, with his pants wrapped around his ankles, and instead of using street lingo, chose to annunciate his words properly? Okay, the 80's preppy look could go, it is rather poor in taste, but the rest of him was just fine. I know he wasn't the stereotypical black teen, and that's the gag, but my challenge to you is: What is a typical teenager, be s/he black or otherwise?? I think the person who doesn't strive to make him/herself a better presented individual should be the atypical one, rather than the norm.

I know that language cannot stay static forever; all languages evolve with the times. If it didn't, we wouldn't have to suffer through Shakespear in high school. Still, I don't like what I'm hearing and seeing in the media. We're stultifying the English language to a point where we look like fools and ignoramuses (ignorami??) who can't string a proper sentence together without resorting to profanity and catch phrases. Even old people now know the phrase "Wazzup!" So let's stop and reverse the trend before it's too late. I don't want to live in a word where the majority of people only know 100 commonly used words, and that's it. It's not double plus good!

I want us to read more, to learn more, and to incorporate less oft-used words in our daily conversations and writing, be it in the English language or otherwise. Not only will it make you appear more intelligent, but you can gain a level of sophistication in society that could never be achieved otherwise.

....YouKnowWhatI'mSayin'? posted by losir at 7:05 PM