"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you

I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you

I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

No, I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

With you, with you"

Shane cuddled up on the bed, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. Kian’s words were echoing in his head "I’m sorry Shane."

Sorry. No, Kian hadn’t been sorry. At least not sorry the way Shane was now, had been since he watched Kian walk out that door. For a whole week he hadn’t spoken to anyone. He hadn’t left the apartment, didn’t answer or return phone calls, didn’t open the door… he hadn’t even touched the post which had piled up inside the door.

He took another sip out of the bottle on the bedside table, the alcohol running through his veins. His mind trailed off. Back to the first night they’d ever spent together. He’d had a bit too much drink, and it had just slipped.

"God, you look sexy tonight. If you knew how much I want to fuck you, Kian." He remembered Kian looking at him in disbelief. Then leaning over, he’d whispered "I think I can sort that," his fresh scent filling Shane’s nose.

He’d taken the glass out of Shane’s hand and dragged him up to their room, where they’d made love all night through. He still remembered the sensation of Kian’s lips and hands on his body, of Kian’s cock in his mouth, and Kian giving him a blow-job.

It had been so wonderful but Kian had made it clear, no commitment, only a bit of fun. And Shane had agreed, after all, that’s what he was after. But when the lust started to turn into love it all started to go pear shaped…

"What a wicked game to play

To make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do

To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say

You never felt this way

What a wicked thing to do

To make me dream of you"

He could remember it like yesterday. The faithful day last week when his world had come thumbling down. They’d fallen breathless into each other’s arms after another sweet night at Shane’s apartment.

It had just slipped, those four words. "I love you Kian." It still hurt when he remembered Kian’s expression.

"Shane, remember the promise, no commitment, only fun." He got off the bed. ‘"I’m sorry Shane, I’m not ready for this." Then he had left. Forever.

Shane started to cry harder. He held the kitchen knife in his hand, letting his finger run over the cold blade. It was sharp. He wondered how it would feel when it cut through his skin. Would it hurt a lot?

His mind was trailing. How much do you feel when you slowly loose your blood? How long would it take to pass out from the pain, or the blood loss? He gulped. Maybe he shouldn't do this.

"And I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

No, I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

With you"

Shane held a brown envelope in his hand. It was tearstained, the address on it almost unreadable.

The letter. The letter that had never been sent. Two days after Kian left his mother had come to the flat. He hadn’t wanted to open, but she knew he was there. She’d told him the news Shane was afraid of.

Kian was dead. Gone. Forever. A car crash. Some drunk driver knocked him down while he was walking to the shop. Shane punched his pillow. It wasn’t fair. All the times Kian had taken his friends' keys, determined not to let them drive while they were drunk. They’d kill themselves, he’d stubbornly declared, paying their taxi home instead. And now… no, he didn’t deserve it.

Shane took out the note. It was short and simple. Kian had never been one for long explanations. He’d always been straight to the point.

‘Dear Shane,

I’m sorry about what happened, truly sorry. I’ve realised I was wrong. I do love you, with all my heart. I would tell it to your face, but you won’t answer the door, or the phone, so I’m hoping instead you will read this letter. I want… I need a second chance Shane. Trust me, I will never break your heart again, no one will. I can see it now; we were destined to be together. Please get in touch… I miss you…

Truly yours,

Kian xx’

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do

I never dreamed that I’d love somebody like you

I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you

No, I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

No, I don’t want to fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

With you, with you"

Shane dropped the note to the floor. If he would have let Kian into the house when he came back… maybe Kian wouldn’t have been out walking that faithful day. He would still be alive. He’d be there for Shane to hold, to love, to share his life and his dreams with.

He dried his tears and took the knife in his shaking hand. He held up his other wrist and pressed the knife against it, whimpering at the pain as his skin slowly gave way.

He closed his eyes and continued pressing until he felt too weak and dropped the knife. He lay down on the bed, darkness surrounding him.

All of a sudden there was a light. A light in the middle of the darkness. Shane walked towards it. He saw a figure standing in it. When he realised who it was he started to run.

He fell into his lover’s arms, passionately returning the kiss that was planted on his lips. He was crying, again, but this time out of happiness, knowing they’d never leave each other’s side again. Kian had been right. They were destined to be together…

"Nobody loves no one"