Tell Him

Tell Him

Pairing: Kian/Bryan

Rating: NC-17

Warning: Mild angst, sex

Lyrics: Celine Dion & Barbara Streisand - Tell Him

“I…” Kian started, but hesitated. He couldn’t say it, he just couldn’t verbalise the feeling. “Do you need help with that?” He offered.

“Thanks.” Bryan said, handing the shirt he was currently trying to fold over to Kian. “You’d think I’d have learnt how to do it by now.” Bryan smiled, trying desperately to break the uncomfortable silence in the room.

Kian smiled back, but Bryan couldn’t help but notice the pain that was evident in his friend’s eyes.

Bryan watched Kian unpack his suitcase and fold everything neatly before he put it back in again. He could see that Kian was taking a lot longer about it than he had to, studying each garment as if he had never seen it before.

Kian couldn’t help it. Bryan’s smell surrounded him as he packed the clothes, teasing him, daring him to voice what he was thinking. As he finished he looked up only to meet Bryan’s concerned gaze.

“Kian, you know I will never be more than a phone call away. Anytime you need me…” His voice was serious, mature, and Kian realised how much Bryan had grown up since they first met.

Kian’s jaw quivered slightly, and for a moment Bryan was sure that he was going to cry. He was ready to get up and hold him, but Kian took a deep breath and then just sat there, quiet and motionless for a few moments.

“Bryan.” He said at length, looking up to meet Bryan’s intent gaze. “There’s one thing I have to tell you before you leave. I… I love you.”

Kian shook his head miserably, tears building in his eyes. “No, Bryan. I *love* you.” He repeated, putting emphasis on the word. “I’m in love with you.”

“Oh.” Bryan managed to say. Then there was an uncomfortable silence, broken only by Kian’s desperate sobs as he could no longer control his tears.

The sound of Kian’s crying seemed to wake Bryan up from the shock. He sat down beside Kian on the floor, pulling him close and rocking him. “Oh Kian…” He sighed softly, trying to think of something, *anything*, he could say to ease his friends agony.

“Kian,” He said as Kian’s sobs finally started so subside. “Kian, I don’t know what to say. I can’t lie to you, I only love you as a friend and I have to leave… but Kian, I want you to know that this changes nothing, I’ll still be here for you.”

Kian sniffed and buried his face in Bryan’s broad, warm chest, registering his scent and the regular rhythm of his heart beat. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, feeling like he might burst if he continued to keep it all inside, no longer caring what Bryan thought of him. “I watch you when you sleep sometimes,” he admitted, carefully looking up to see Bryan’s reaction. “You’re really cute when you’re asleep. I don’t even mind you snoring anymore, it just makes me feel safe knowing that you’re there…” He trailed off.

Bryan’s steady gaze didn’t leave Kian’s throughout the confession. Kian had often imagined this moment, imagined the fire flashing through Bryan’s eyes, imagined him screaming abuse, and imagined his beautiful face marred by disgust and hate. But none of this happened. Bryan’s eyes remained gentle, his face expressing nothing but tenderness, his arms pulling Kian closer. “Thank you,” He whispered. Leaning his head forward he touched his lips to Kian’s hair.

“Shhh…” Bryan rubbed his hand up and down Kian’s back, moving his lips to caress Kian’s forehead. “I don’t love you Kian, but you’re a very attractive man…” he murmured.

Kian saw stars in the darkness behind his eyelids as Bryan’s lips met his. He knew that Bryan wasn’t in love with him, knew that Bryan was straight, and yet his brain refused to register anything untoward with what was happening. ‘This is your reward,’ his conscience told him, ‘enjoy it while it lasts.’

Bryan’s left hand travelled inside Kian’s shirt. Kian moaned softly and Bryan suddenly sobered up. Kian’s eyes flew open as Bryan pulled away in alarm. For a moment they just sat there, panting, the air crackling between them, the silence pressing as if everything around them had stopped in anticipation of what was going to happen.

“Shit, Ki, I’m sorry.” Bryan licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. “I’m sorry…”

“I’m not.” Kian’s gaze bore into Bryan, challenging, questioning, craving. “It was so much better than I imagined it.” He said, his voice low and steady, deep emotion visible in his eyes.

Silence again. Their gazes battling. Kian suddenly reached out and carefully ran his index finger over Bryan’s lips, still slightly-swollen from the kiss.

“I don’t love you, not that way…” Bryan protested weakly as Kian dropped his hand, running it over Bryan’s chest, rubbing his nipples through his shirt.

“I don’t give a fuck. If you want me tonight, I’ll be here, and I doubt I will ever regret it… Kian said huskily, starting to undo Bryan’s shirt even before he got an answer.

“Ummm…” was all Bryan managed to say, as his shirt came open and Kian pressed closer to him, kissing his lips, his neck, lapping at his Adam’s apple.

Kian stopped momentarily as his mouth reached Bryan’s chest. “I will stop when you tell me to.” He said, looking into Bryan’s eyes, cloudy with lust like his own.

Bryan managed to nod. “Ok,” he said faintly, giving himself over completely as he put all his trust in Kian.

Kian’s hands caressed Bryan’s body as he kissed him again and again. His tongue demanded entry and Bryan parted his lips willingly, letting Kian explore. Kian pressed as close as he could, rubbing their bodies together.

“Oh, God, Kian!” Bryan panted, his right hand gripping Kian’s hair so hard it hurt.

“No, no, don’t you dare stop Egan.” Bryan rasped, his voice thick with need and desire. He realised he was causing Kian pain and eased the grip on his hair.

“I love you.” Kian whispered, kissing him gently, slowing down the pace. “You are so, so beautiful.” He offered, his lips travelling down Bryan’s neck, slower this time, more tenderly.

Bryan closed his eyes and leaned his back against the bed with a sigh, his breathing slowing again in response to Kian’s changed mood.

“Do you want to lie on the bed?” Kian asked after a while, his voice gentle. He traced the outline of Bryan’s soft face with his fingers.

Bryan opened his eyes and looked at Kian’s face, seeing the tenderness and love in his eyes, knowing he could trust Kian with his life if he needed to. He nodded.

Kian helped Bryan up then put him on the bed, taking time to put a pillow under his head, making sure he was comfortable. Bryan reached up and undid Kian’s shirt, pushing it over his shoulders, gasping as he revealed Kian’s toned body. Sure, he’d seen Kian topless before, even naked, but he had never realised quite how sexy he was.

Kian lay down on top of Bryan, kissing his forehead, his eye lids, his nose, his lips, his chin… then his lips were back on Bryan’s neck again. Bryan moaned softly, arching against Kian, knowing he was past the point where he could stop what was happening. He didn’t care.

Kian teased Bryan’s nipples for a while, pulled gently at his chest-hair, kissed and licked his way down and finally darted his tongue into Bryan’s belly-button.

“Oh, oh!” Bryan’s eyes flew open then closed again. He was lost, consumed by desire and an overwhelming need to be touched and loved. He shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t be doing this, not like this, not with Kian. He was married… but Kian knew that. Was this cheating? He wasn’t exactly sleeping with Kian, he was letting Kian pleasure him but… would that be cheating? The room was spinning, his mind was muddled, and he gave up trying to hold onto any thoughts, just let them float by the outskirts of his consciousness.

Kian fumbled with Bryan’s fly, getting it down. Bryan bucked his hips and did his best to help Kian slide the jeans off. Then his boxers. He undid Kian’s trousers, they came off easily, then his boxers too. They were both naked and Kian crushed their bodies together again, his full weight on Bryan, grinding their hips together.

Bryan was amazed at the force with which he climaxed. For a moment all he was aware of was bright light behind his eyes, the scent of Kian, the feel of Kian’s body against his own. Kian climaxed soon after, making a strange noise somewhere between a moan and a cry, collapsing on top of Bryan.

“Let’s move to the other bed.” Kian suggested when he’d regained enough power to move.

Bryan felt disappointed as Kian’s weight shifted off him, but registered that the bed sheets were soiled and made no protest and Kian offered his hand to stand him up. Kian got some tissues from the night stand and cleaned them both off before leading Bryan to the other bed, where they cuddled together under the covers.

Kian was disoriented when he woke up the following morning. He had someone’s arm and leg around him, and there was a strong heart beat in his ear. The past evening events slowly came into his mind, and he hardly dared to look up at Bryan’s face.

Bryan was already awake, his gaze steady as it met Kian’s. Bryan smiled. “You look really cute when you’re asleep as well. Do you know that you sleep with your mouth open. Like this?” Bryan demonstrated.

Bryan sighed, this moment seemed so perfect; he hated to break it. “Kian… you’re a wonderful person, a great friend… sexy as hell I’ll admit that but… I hope you understand that this, *we*, can never be.”

Kian nodded, suddenly subdued. “I know that Bry, I always knew that. I just wish… you didn’t have to leave. Not having you around at all is going to be worse than having you around without being able to touch you.”

Bryan was slightly surprised at the intimacy in Kian’s voice. He knew it took a lot for Kian to open up, to really trust someone, and he realised that from now on he was going to have to be careful. Kian had offered him just a little bit of himself, and he had to be careful not to break his trust.

Bryan reached up his hand to caress Kian’s cheek, wondering slightly over his need to be so close to him. “I know Ki. But I’ve set this ball rolling – hell, the press conference is today! – I can’t stop it now. But Ki, I mean it, you need anything, *anything* you just pick up the phone and call me, ok? Even if it’s 3 am and you just want to listen to me snoring…”

This produced a smile from Kian. “You know, I might actually do that.” He said, his eyes glistening with sadness, content and love – all at the same time. “I’m really going to miss you.” He said, placing a tender kiss on Bryan’s collarbone.

“And I’m going to miss you. I’m going to miss you all, and I’m going to miss everything we have together. But I’ve got other responsibilities now, other demands on my time.”

“Yes.” Kian agreed. “Come on, let’s get ready for that press conference.” He smiled, offered his hand to Bryan, and led him into the shower.