"It’s funny how love goes

‘Cause I know this would never work out

But honey my love grows

Even though there’s no reason to doubt

This can never be

You keep saying it’s wrong

Neither one of us is free

Still I wanna hold on"

Nicky held Kian as he cried. "It’s not fair…"

"I know Ki, I know," Nicky said softly. "Come on, he isn’t worth your tears…" Nicky found a tissue and dried the tears off Kian cheeks. As Kian looked at him Nicky could feel his own heart breaking at all the pain in his eyes.

"I love him Nicky. Why does he do this to me? How can he?"

Nicky shrugged. "I don’t know Ki." He really couldn’t understand how Shane could have Kian and be foolish enough to hurt him like this. Just playing around with him. Kian wasn’t someone who cried easily, but Shane had really gone too far this time.

Kian was quiet now; he probably had no tears left. Nicky felt wet and sticky from having Kian crying in his arms for so long, but his main concern right then was for Kian, so he ignored it.

He ran his fingers through Kian’s hair. "You’ve got to let go you know. It’ll be his loss, not yours."

"I know, but it’s hard…"

Nicky nodded with a sigh, "I know it is. But, believe me, soon you’ll find someone who really appreciates you."

"When even a fool would let go

When it knows that there’s no use trying

Even a child would say no

When it knows that you’ll end up crying"

Shane looked up as Kian came into the room. Kian had obviously been crying.

"Where were you?"

"Nicky’s," Kian shot back. Shane had said he felt like he was trapped in the relationship, but still he was the one who had to know Kian’s every move.

"What did you do?"

Kian looked at Shane. "What do you think we did?!" He blinked away the tears again.

Shane got up off the sofa and placed the magazine he had been reading on the table. He went up to Kian and gave him a hug.

"I’m sorry, I’ve just been tired lately. I didn’t mean it…"

Kian closed his eyes. He knew he shouldn’t forgive Shane another time, he’d already been hurt so many times because of it, but he couldn’t walk out on him. Not when Shane put on that sweet look… and he felt so safe in Shane’s embrace. Although it was a bit like a mouse trapped in a cat’s jaws, no safety at all.

Shane gave Kian a soft kiss. Kian had by now swept away all thoughts of leaving Shane.

"What did Nicky say?"

Kian shrugged. "Nothing, really. We were just talking about stuff."

Shane nodded. "Ok." He gave Kian another kiss. "I missed you…"

Kian put his arms around Shane and rested his head against his shoulder. Shane always knew what to do and say to hinder Kian from doing what would have been the right thing to do.

"Even a fool would let go

And I know that there’s no use trying

Even a child would say no

And I know that I’ll end up crying

Tell me now is it wise holding you

When even a fool would let go"

Shane gently pushed Kian onto his bed and unbuttoned his shirt. His lips and tongue ran over Kian’s chest, preventing Kian from thinking straight. He decided to give into the feeling as Shane sucked his right nipple into his mouth.

Shane removed his mouth. "God, I love you Ki."

Kian kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see Shane, cause he knew his eyes would give away everything. He wanted to pretend Shane really meant it. That Shane really felt the same as he did.

Shane kissed him and then let his tongue continue its trail down Kian’s chest. Kian moaned as Shane’s tongue dipped into his belly button. Then, suddenly, his senses came back and he sat up abruptly, pushing Shane off him. Shane looked at him in surprise.

"What’s wrong babe?"

Kian fought all his emotions as he put his shirt back on and got off the bed. "Kian, where are you going?"

Kian spun around. "Anywhere you aren’t. I’ve had enough of your play-boy antics!" He turned and left, ignoring Shane’s cries.

"My love has no reason

Like the words of a song that don’t rhyme

My love’s got no season

I just know that it’s there all the time

Honey just you and me

I can’t believe that’s wrong

Thinking about you and me

Makes me wanna hold on"

Kian took a deep breath to calm him self and knocked on Nicky’s door. Nicky opened, dressed only in his boxers. "Kian, what’s up?"

Kian remained silent and looked at him. Nicky opened the door more, "Come in."

"Thanx."

Kian sat down on the sofa as Nicky found his bathrobe and put it on, before sitting down next to Kian. "What happened Ki?"

"I, I… left him." Kian was staring at some point in the distance, and Nicky put an arm over his shoulders, pulling him close.

"Oh, Kian…" He rocked him as Kian let his tears fall.

Kian’s sobs slowly died out and he lay silent and motion less in Nicky’s arms.

"Nicky?" he finally spoke.

"Mmmm?"

"Do you… do you think I did the right thing. Honestly?"

Nicky sighed and looked at Kian. "Yes. You deserve so much better Ki. Really, you should go find someone who actually cares about you. I know Shane’s gonna want you back, but you have given him enough chances. You’ll only end up hurting yourself. Again."

Kian fell silent. "But you know, when we stated going out everything was grand, I mean… I know that he’s actually a really sweet, caring guy."

Nicky nodded. "Yeah, but he’s taking you for granted. I don’t think he means to use you, but he’s depending on your weak spot Kian. You are far too unselfish for your own good. You’ve got to think of yourself sometimes too you know."

Kian nodded with a sigh. Nicky was right, as usual. He was just so sensible about everything; maybe a bit more mature than the rest of them.

"When even a fool would let go

When it knows that there’s no use trying

Even a child would say no

When it knows that you’ll end up crying"

Kian looked up at Nicky and their eyes locked. Nicky fought his emotions in desperation; he didn’t want to take advantage of Kian’s vulnerable state. But when Kian put his arms around his neck and pulled him down, Nicky welcomed the kiss eagerly.

Kian didn’t know where he got the courage from. He didn’t even know if Nicky was gay. All he knew was that he was suddenly filled with an overwhelming lust for Nicky. His hands slipped inside Nicky’s dressing gown and ran over his chest. Nicky’s lips found his neck and showered it in soft kisses. Kian pressed his body against Nicky, giving himself over completely.

Nicky stopped suddenly and removed Kian’s hands from his body. "I don’t think we should be doing this."

Kian looked disappointed. "Why not?’"

"Because, I just don’t want to take advantage of you right now. I’m not sure you’re thinking straight. All you’re looking for is comfort, and…"

Kian’s nose wrinkled, showing he disapproved. He met Nicky’s gaze, which was full with general concern and… love.

"Nicky, I am thinking straight. I haven’t been before, but I am now. I want you Nicky, really, I do."

"Even a fool steps aside

When he knows that there’s no chance of winning

I could hold on ‘till I cry

To stop it all end before the beginning"

Kian felt a bit disoriented when he woke up the following morning. His nose was pressed against Nicky’s chest, and Nicky’s arm was wrapped around him. He was filled by a weird, warm sensation as he rolled back a little and looked up at Nicky’s relaxed face. A slight smile was resting on his lips, and he truly looked like an angel.

Suddenly, Kian realised how long it had been since he had woken up in the same bed at his lover. He felt sad as he remembered how Shane had suddenly insisted they slept in separate beds, after they had finished. Well, on the nights Shane even wanted to make love. He realised how much he missed everything their early relationship had consisted of. Everything Shane had been insisted on giving up because he said he needed his space. Everything that Kian had been willing to give up because he cared about Shane. Loved Shane. A love that obviously hadn’t been returned.

Nicky opened his eyes slowly, and Kian brought his thoughts back to the moment.

"Morning…" he said softly.

Nicky smiled and pulled Kian closer, giving him a soft kiss.

"Mmmm…" Kian licked his lips as the kiss ended. "I think I’m gonna rob your shower for a while." Kian said and got out of bed.

Nicky smiled and followed him. "I’ll join you."

Half an hour later, when they had showered and got dressed, Kian borrowed one of Nicky’s shirts, Kian decided to go in and face Shane. He wanted to share the twin room with Nicky, giving Shane the single room. Nicky agreed, it wouldn’t be too easy for him and Kian to share the single room. And he knew now that Kian had made up his mind that he wouldn’t sleep in the same room as Shane, he wasn’t going to give way.

"Even a fool would let go

And I know that there’s no use trying

Even a child would say no

And I know that I’ll end up crying

Tell me now is it wise holding you

When even a fool would let go"

Nicky followed Kian over to the twin room. Kian didn’t even consider knocking, just walked right in. Shane looked up; it was obvious he’d been crying. Nicky almost felt pity for him. Almost.

"Hi…" Shane stood up and looked at Kian, then at Nicky, and back at Kian.

"Shane, I want you and Nicky to swap rooms."

"What?" Shane’s voice was barely a whisper.

"Come on, you heard me."

"You slept with Nicky?" Kian felt Shane stepping on his nerves, and it wasn’t making the situation better.

"That’s none of your business."

"You’re a slut Kian!"

Suddenly, Nicky lost his temper. Shane lifted his hand to his cheek where Nicky’s had hit him seconds before.

"How dare you Shane?! At least Kian had the decency to break the relationship first!"

"Nicky, this hasn’t got anything to do with you, just fuck off!"

Nicky’s arm found it’s way around Kian, reading his distress. "If it’s hurting Kian it’s definitely got to do with me. I care about him Shane. Maybe one day you’ll wake up and realise what you’re gonna miss out on because you’re so selfish."

"Whatever. Ok, I’ll swap rooms." Shane found his suitcases and threw random things into them to keep his emotions in check.

-- that evening --

"Nicky, what are you doing?" Kian said surprised as he was suddenly joined in the bed.

"It’s cold Kian…"

Kian turned around and pulled Nicky close. "You’re such a baby."

"And I felt lonely…"

Kian kissed Nicky’s hair. "Stop whining."

Nicky looked at Kian, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "And I’m hungry… for you."

Kian smiled. "Ok, I’d better feed you so." He planted his lips on Nicky’s, and Nicky hungrily responded to the kiss. It was going to take a long while for Kian to satisfy Nicky’s healthy appetite.

"Tell me now is it wise holding you

When even a fool would let go"