"Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay"

Kian traced the face on the photo he held in his hand. It was blurred from the many tears that had fallen on it, and right now fresh tears were forming big reddish dots. His heart was breaking as he ran his fingers over the lips, the feel of those very lips under his edged in his memory. In fact, as he ran his fingers over the photo, he felt their soft warmness against his fingers.

"There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day"

Kian felt particularly down that day. It had been 6 months since Shane left him. He had been so stupid, their relationship had been a bit rocky of late and he slept with this girl. She had been all over him and he had been drunk. He had made the biggest mistake of his life that night. And lost the one thing that made him complete… the one thing he needed.

"I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins"

Yes, Kian Egan didn’t take a lot to satisfy. People usually thought he was vain, material, self-absorbed… but that wasn’t him at all. He never cared for possessions. He wasn’t vain, he just liked to look good – especially since people recognised him most everywhere he went. And he absolutely wasn’t self-absorbed. Depressed, heartbroken… even ill, but not self-absorbed. Maybe wanting Shane back so much was a bit selfish, but he really, really needed Shane. For so many years Shane had been what got him through the days, and nights, but now he had nothing there to help him and he could feel himself getting sucked down, deeper and deeper…

Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight"

He went to bed, but couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned but couldn’t find a comfortable position. He was in pain. Not physically, but mentally. He tried to will all thoughts away from his head, but it was useless. Shane, Shane, Shane. Words and images flowed through his senses. The tears started to fall.

"In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear"

He sat up. This was useless. He had to do something. What? One thing sprung to mind. He picked up the phone and his hand shook as he dialed the number.

It rang a good few rings before anyone answered. "Hello?" The voice sent shivers down Kian’s spine and he couldn’t speak. "Kian, it’s 3 in the night! If this is your idea of a joke-"

"Shane." Kian swallowed to get rid of the lump growing in his throat.

"Kian? Jesus, are you ok? Do you want me to come over?"

Kian nodded, and although Shane couldn’t see that he seemed to sense it. "Ok, just hold on. I’ll be there in a min, ok?" He hung up and Kian slowly replaced the receiver.

"You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there"

A few minutes later there was a knock on the door. Kian crawled off the bed and as in a trance he walked over the door. He felt like he was having an out of body experience and the room almost spun before him. He opened the door and felt two strong arms pulling him close to a warm, familiar body as he heard the door close again.

"So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting"

Kian woke up with a start. That dream again! He couldn’t get away from it. He missed Shane too much. It kept him awake at night, and the few times he actually fell asleep he had that dream

The past few months had been terrible. He pretended to be over Shane. Convinced himself that he was over Shane. When all the time his subconscious told him that he wasn’t.

"You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time

It had been really hard at first. Smiling. Pretending everything was ok. Not even the other lads had known, so he had had no one to talk to. He couldn’t tell his parents. They knew about him and Shane, but telling them that he had slept around? No!

"It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees"

Kian got out of bed and made his way into the bathroom. He looked himself in the mirror – detesting what he saw. He studied his face, following the contours, stopping at the scar on his cheek. A reminder of the many times he had been reminded of what a bad and useless person he was. He whimpered as he slammed his fist into the mirror – sinking down on the floor amidst a rain of broken glass.

"In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear"

He didn’t realise that he wasn’t alone anymore until he felt two strong arms around him. He was so shocked that he stopped crying momentarily. One hand found his lower back and rubbed gently, relaxing his tense body. He buried his head in the warm chest before him.

"It’s ok Ki. You’re bleeding, here, let me have a look."

Kian automatically let Shane take his hand. "How…?"

"I heard a bang. I went and knocked but you wouldn’t open. So I went down and got the extra key to your room." Shane took a wash cloth and gently washed the blood off before wrapping Kian’s hand in another cloth while Kian watched him.

"Thanks." Shane looked up, and for the first time Kian realised that Shane was hurting a lot too. How could he have been so wrapped up in himself and his own pain that he didn’t even notice?

Shane looked away. "Let’s get you back into bed, ok?"

"You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there"

Shane got Kian back into his bed, taking great care in pulling the covers over him. Kian took hold of Shane’s hand.

"I’m sorry. I can’t say more than I’ve already said, but I’m so very sorry!" A hint of desperation sneaked into his voice.

Shane sighed and finally looked Kian straight in the eye. "You really hurt me Kian. I don’t want that happening again."

Kian reached his hand up to touch Shane’s cheek; it had been too long. "I won’t do it again. I swear. Just one more chance?" His arm snaked around Shane’s neck and pulled him downwards.

Shane sighed, contently. "One more chance, Ki. That’s all."

Kian didn’t reply, he just pulled Shane down on top of him and kissed him, deeply. He had made one simple mistake, but he knew from that moment that he would never, ever repeat it. He had his angel, and he would make sure it didn't fly away again.

"You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here"