"With every story that’s unfolding

Teardrops are flowing

In a dark room someone’s crying

And the feeling is a healing feeling"

Shane drew a shaky breath as he started. "I think you knew what happened… so I’ll just go straight to the point… It all started when I came to Sligo…"

"Go on…" Kian urged, grasping Shane’s hand tightly for encouragement.

"Everything was fine… but then, then Dr. O’Connell, or Pete as he wanted me to call him… he started to make life hell again. He didn’t really do anything… he just… he said things to me. He said I was nuts, I was insane… he wanted me locked up. That nobody loved me. That Westlife were pathetic. That I was stupid and childish and… just insane... I don’t even remember everything he said."

He looked up at Kian, who nodded, the tears still threatening to run down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe that anybody would do this to Shane.

"Then…" Shane stopped, blinking furiously against his own tears, "Then he started to… to talk to me about… about doing stuff… like…" Shane stopped again, taking another sharp intake of breath. "Like, getting it on… you know… just, doing it with another man… like, really detailed stuff. How it would feel… fucking another man. I mean, he said he knew what it felt like, he was just telling me what it was like…"

Kian swallowed and eased his arm around Shane’s waist to pull him closer. "Then he started doing things to me. Kissing me, mostly, but his hands… they wandered everywhere. He made me feel dirty, used, pathetic, crazy…. And really weak cause I couldn’t do anything. I was on that fucking medication and my body just wouldn’t react properly, so… I just… I couldn’t do anything anyway, cause he said he’d get me locked up if I did. And that everyone would hate me… my family, my friends and… you. He said… he said you’d never come to see me again…"

Kian felt the first warm droplet make its way down his cheek and he didn’t even bother trying to stop it. He pulled Shane close to his chest. "I’d never do that to you…" he whispered with conviction.

Shane nodded with a little sniff, and Kian realised he was on the verge of crying as well.

"Then, the day before I ran away… like, two days ago now… he, he… He came into my room. I mean, he… he just kissed me and he… he…" Shane buried his head in Kian’s chest and Kian stroke his back lightly. He wished he could throw the recorder into the wall and not having to make Shane actually say this, but he knew he couldn’t, because he really didn’t want Shane to have to repeat this to the police.

"Go on Shane…"

Shane pulled himself together and continue. "He pulled my clothes of my body and… he…." Shane closed his eyes for a second, "He fucked me. It hurt so much… I just wanted to scream, but I couldn’t… I just felt numb, like if it wasn’t me… like I was in someone else’s body and this wasn’t really happening… like it was all a bad dream…"

Kian nodded, quietly. "And, the following morning?" Shane’s eyes pleaded with him, but he didn’t want to give in, he had to get through this, for Shane’s sake.

"I woke up… I was in pain and… I realised the window was open. I know it was real stupid cause I didn’t know where to go, but I had to get out of there or… I would have really gone insane. So… I just went and climbed out the window. And, I started walking… just to get to you… I needed you. And… I didn’t stop until… until I just couldn’t walk anymore and… that’s where you found me… so…"

Kian nodded as he turned off the recorder and pulled Shane into a hug. "Well done baby…" He stroke Shane’s back as he forcefully released all the pain that had trapped inside him over the past few weeks.

Chapter 17 >>