Kissing a Fool

Kissing a Fool

Pairing: Ex- Shane/Nicky, Shane/Kian, Nicky/Bryan

Rating: R

Warning: Angst, sex

Lyrics: George Michael - Kissing a Fool

Songfic challenge: Set by Taketo

Shane stared out the big window and saw all the light of the big city in the night. He had a lump in his throat and could feel the tears burning inside his eyelids. He felt so alone.

He wondered what Nicky was doing. Of course, Nicky was only in the room next door, right on the other side of the wall he’d been staring at just a few minutes ago. But he’d preferred physical distance of thousands of miles to the distance that was between them now.

He was startled by a sudden noise, but calmed down as he realised it was only Kian who had started to snore. He looked over, feeling a bit of pity since Kian was developing a bad cold, which was the reason for him snoring through the nights. Shane was glad as well though; it was a good cover for his own sleepless nights. It wasn’t Kian who kept him awake though… it was Nicky.

Nicky. He thought back to all they had shared. To when Nicky had admitted, quietly, to Shane that he was… gay. He’d been a nervous wreck, never having told anyone before. He had told Shane for the simple reason that Shane had admitted his own sexuality to the management and the rest of the lads a few months earlier, and he had felt safe knowing that Shane wouldn’t judge him for it. Well, that hadn’t been the sole reason, but it had taken him longer to admit that.

He had loved Shane. At least that’s what he had said. Shane had broken up with his boyfriend, and two weeks later Nicky had confessed his feelings, deciding to face them. Shane had agreed to at least a date, his own emotions were all over the place right then so he wasn’t sure what he felt. At least no part of his body had screamed no.

Shane wondered if it had really been love Nicky was feeling. Or, was he just testing his feelings? Shane knew his own feelings had been, and still were, ones of love. He had loved and still loved Nicky with all his heart.

Of course, the papers would have to find out sooner or later. A pity it had been sooner and in the form of a revealing picture of them kissing in a dark corner of a night-club. Nicky hadn’t been able to take the criticism. So, he had got rid of what he believed caused it. Shane.

Not that it had changed anything. Now they may be ex-lovers, but their true sexualities were out so the criticism didn’t stop when they split up. Nicky had distanced himself from Shane; probably admitting his failure as the pressure slowly eat him. Shane could see it, the other lads could see it, Louis could see it… in fact, any of the insiders saw it. To the outside world, Nicky smiled happily and seemed to take everything so well.

Unlike Shane himself. Kian was the only one who seemed to see a fraction of the turmoil going on inside Shane’s mind. And Kian was sincerely worried for his friend, putting on a good front. Kian knew Shane wasn’t sleeping or eating properly, and he wondered how long it would take before their heavy work schedule combined with it to break him down. Things were really going badly in the Westlife camp at that space in time.

Tears started to roll down Shane’s face as he reminisced all the times with Nicky. As long as nobody had known it had been so perfect. Nicky was perfect… but he took too much to heart. When people came up to them and told them to keep low- profile and not encouraging youngsters to become homosexual because they thought it was ok, Shane had seen how it had really got to him. Shane felt hatred towards those people. The people that had driven away the only thing in his life that made his life worth living right then.

They had reunited once, Nicky had been oh- so sorry. Well, or so he’d convinced Shane when he begged for a second chance. Shane wasn’t so sure now, when Nicky had hurt him. Again. A week ago when they had finished the days tasks Nicky had broken the news. He’d actually found someone else, but he wouldn’t tell Shane who it was. Shane tried to blink away his tears.

He drew a deep breath as he made up his mind. He was going to try and move on. Not just try, he would make it too. For the past week he’d been trying to figure who Nicky was seeing, drowning in his own pain, but it would end now. But just as he decided the tears came again, and trying to hold them back only made him choke on them.

Two strong arms suddenly encircled Shane’s waist. "Shhhh… please don’t cry…"

Shane fell back into the safe embrace of his friend. He turned around and buried his head in Kian’s chest, trying to stop the tears, not quite sure why they had started so suddenly. Kian was silent and stroke his back trying to soothe him. He hated seeing his best friend like this.

Shane managed to stop crying and eased himself out of Kian’s embrace. "Thanx…"

Kian smiled, "Hey, what are friends for?" Shane smiled back and their gazes locked. A sudden urge made Shane take a step forward and place his own lips on Kian’s. Kian gasped and Shane’s tongue slipped into his mouth, exploring.

Shane pushed Kian backwards and down on the bed. He gave Kian another kiss and this time he responded. Shane seemed to be all over him and although he in the back of his mind wondered if Shane just needed comfort right now, he couldn’t bring himself to push him off.

Shane was the first to wake up the following morning, he looked at Kian and a weird, warm feeling rushed through his body. Well, it wasn’t that weird really. He used to feel this way with Nicky as well, though this was a bit milder. Maybe he could work on it though… Kian’s eyes slowly opened and they looked at each other.

"Morning…" Shane replied. "Care for a shower?" Kian blinked as he looked at Shane. "Please…" Shane tried with a twinkle in his eyes.

They went down to breakfast together and found Nicky and Bryan there so they joined them.

"Morning," Shane said as he sat down, Kian offering to get his breakfast as well.

Bryan rose, "I’m gonna go get some more bacon," he said and walked over towards Kian.

"Shane?" Nicky said finally. Shane looked at Nicky, who was nervously chewing his lower lip. "I’m sorry…"

Shane shrugged. "It’s ok, I’ll get over it," he said distantly, once again looking over at Kian who was talking to Bryan.

"Ok, guys, lovely thank you. You can go and get changed now." The photographer dismissed them and after the hour-long photo shoot it was nice to step out of the constant flashing and stop posing.

Kian and Shane were the first to head for the changing rooms. Mark followed them.

It took a while before Bryan and Nicky came in… hand in hand! Shane gasped as Nicky smiled and kissed Bryan, he suddenly felt rather sick.

Mark’s chin could have hit the floor right there and then, Shane just got his top on and rushed out. Kian looked at Nicky and then rushed after Shane.

He found Shane just outside the studio. He went up and gave him a hug, not caring that on the other side of the fence about 20 fans were screaming for them. Shane was fighting his tears.

"Why Kian? WHY? He never wanted anyone to know about us… not really. And when people found out he broke it with me. And now he’s just…" Shane fell silent and Kian didn’t have anything to reply.

"Not so long ago the world was shocked when Westlife stars Nicky Byrne and Shane Filan confirmed their love for each other. Today, we give you the exclusive news of a new Westlife romance. After the couple came to an end, Nicky Byrne found new love, in the form of fellow band mate Bryan McFadden. The couple state that they are very much in love, and Nicky stops any rumours of big fallouts declaring that his relationship with Shane just didn’t work out. The Westlife lads are currently enjoying a two week holiday, and Shane Filan has declined to make any comments on the case."

Kian gently removed the remote from Shane’s hand and turned off the TV, thinking Shane had had enough of pictures of the two lovebirds. He sat down beside Shane on the sofa.

"Shane… don’t torture yourself like this. Nicky’s happy, you’ve got to move on…"

Shane nodded and took a deep breath. "It’s just unfair. He’s fighting for his relationship with Bryan; he never fought like that for me. Is there something Bryan is doing that I didn’t do? Was I not there enough?"

Kian shook his head. "Shane, you did so much for Nicky. An unbelievable amount. He just wasn’t worthy you, that’s all. Fate wanted him and Bryan together. The same way fate will help you find your soul mate." Shane didn’t reply. "Shane, you can’t wait around for him. Don’t let him defeat you like that, you can’t. He’s not going to come back."

Shane watched Nicky and Bryan as they fooled around on the other side of the big room. It was a show biz party and there were people everywhere.

Two months had passed since Bryan and Nicky went public, and Shane was slowly coming to terms with things. He saw Kian come his way and smiled.

"Hey, you ok?" Shane nodded. He looked at Kian and suddenly the feelings of the one night they had shared together came back. They had never spoken of it since, but now Shane knew he wanted to repeat it. He smiled, "I’m not going to wait around for someone who won’t come back anymore."

Shane took Kian’s hand. "I’ve just found my own soulmate… you… what do you think?"

Kian looked up and smiled. "That I’ve been waiting for you all this time, and I’m glad you’re finally here…" Kian whispered.

Shane placed his lips on Kian’s and ignored the funny looks people that passed gave them. As the kiss ended, he could see Nicky staring at them from the corner of his eye. Well, if he suddenly realised Bryan wasn’t his soul mate, it was too late to go back. Shane had found his soul mate, and he wasn’t going to let him slip away. Ever.