"That look in your eyes
The heated desire
Trying so hard
To turn off the fire"

I look up as there’s a knock on my door. I half wonder who it could be, half hope it’s Trevor. It is.

"Hey… long time no see. I thought, maybe we could chat a little… about what we’ve been up to and stuff?" Cut the bullshit. I can tell from that look in his eyes that he didn’t come to talk. And I still let him in. That look always made me lose sense.

"Old lovers make
Dangerous friends
I knew there would be trouble
If we ever met again"

He sits down on my bed. The look in his eyes is suggestive… and I melt, as always. I shouldn’t be doing this, we shouldn’t be doing this. I have my girl and he probably has one tucked away somewhere too… but it’s as if all thoughts of them are washed away.

"I never would have thought we’d meet again." No, neither did I. When I saw him off at the airport in ’97 I thought Trevor Penick was out of my life. After all, he’d made it quite clear this was a summer romance and he had someone back home.

"Neither did I. What have you been up to?"

"But here we are
Don't want to know
What's going on in your life
And I don't want to feel
The way I'm feeling tonight
Here with you"

He laughs. An infectious laugh that sends goose bumps up my spine. I know what he’s going to say. It’s exactly what I’m thinking.

"I don’t think your main interest right now is what I’ve been up to, is it?"

No, he’s right, it isn’t. He leans over and places his lips on mine. Mmmm… that feels good. I slip my arm around him, it feels safer knowing he can’t run away. I’m starting to go dizzy now. It’s lust, I think. I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling right now.

"Can't live with you
Can't live without you
Breaking me in two
I just can't stay away from you
I can't live with you
I can't live without you
Any way I choose
Hard as I try to be free
You're deep inside of me"

His mouth travels down to my neck. I’m losing control. Damn him; damn him and the way he can control me. I hate him. No, no, I don’t. He’s pulling my T-shirt up. I let him slip it off. I want him to.

His mouth is on my chest. It feels so good. Fuck, I’m straining against the now uncomfortable tight fabric of my jeans. I gotta get it in contact with him; I gotta let him know.

He probably already knows though. He knows that he’s teasing me. He knows that he’s driving me wild.

"Love at first touch
In the fire in the night
And when the smoke cleared
You were out of my life"

My mind jumps back a few years. To when we first met. I remember spotting him across from me at a barbecue party on a hot summer's night. He was one of the most fascinating men I had ever met. Of course, I was young at the time, but although he was only a year older he was far more experienced.

We spent the loveliest week of my life together. Then he left. I never thought I’d see him again.

"You left me standing so alone in this world
Still I'm burning for you
I'm still burning too"

I was heartbroken. Really heartbroken. But I got over it and moved on. I never even looked at another man again. I always thought him disappearing out of my life was God’s way of punishing me for my sin. I always went with women after it.

Of course, seeing Trevor again at the audition… all thoughts of what was right or wrong disappeared into thin air.

"Wish I was strong enough
To walk out that door
But I'd spend all night
Wondering if the magic's still there
Like before"

My mind is dragged back to present as he rubs me through my jeans. Ohhh, that feels good. So good. I’m praying already. ‘Please, oh, Lord; forgive me for my sin…’ Oh, fuck! No, no, this isn’t right, no, stop…. Ohhh, yes, yes… don’t stop. Oh, please don’t stop.

I know I ought to stop this, I ought to know better now. But hey, maybe I’m still as naïve and trusting as I was 2 years ago? Maybe I just worship him… Oh, can you blame me? You’d be crazy not to worship this man… this beautiful body… mmmm…

"I can't live with you
I can't live without you
Breaking me in two
I just can't stay away from you
I can't live with you
I can't live without you
Any way I choose
Hard as I try to be free
You're deep inside of me"

His hands are starting at my belt. I should stop this. My zipper goes down, his hand’s touching me… no, and I can’t stop this. My body won’t obey my mind. And, anyway, my mind’s blurring. Ohhhh, I don’t give a damn anymore. Fuck me, please fuck me!

He’s sliding my jeans down. Why is he so slow? There, they’re down. And my boxers. Oh, yeah! He fondles me… I don’t think I need that. Please stop teasing. Stop teasing or I’m not gonna last…

"How can I forget the love
Just one touch and we were on our way
We were on our way
And you know that I need you
Can't be without you"

He let’s me undress him then pushes me onto the bed. He’s in control. I’ve lost control. I don’t know what’s happening anymore. All I know is that Trev’s so darn hot.

He rolls me over on my back. God, I haven’t done this for so long. He takes out a condom and puts it on himself – is he always prepared? – before he starts to finger me. Mmmm… I think I am loose enough as it is. And I need him inside me, now!

He enters. That hurts… oh, no, not anymore. No, it feels good… oh, I missed this. How could I ever deny myself of this pleasure? I’m sure the Lord will understand. And anyway, I’d rather go to hell than miss out on this… oh, I’m dizzy.

"I can't live with you
I can't live without you
Breaking me in two
Breaking me in two
I just can't stay away from you
I can't live with you
I can't live without you
I can't live without you
Any way I choose"

He comes, panting in my ear, before he rolls off me and gives me a kiss.

"That was nice…" Silence as he sits up and looks at me. "What’s you name again?"

"Jacob…" My voice is shivering as my eyes burn, "Jacob Underwood."

He smiles and get off the bed to dress. "Oh yes, Jacob. Maybe we could do this again someday. I’ll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around." Then he leaves.

"Any way I choose
I can't live with you
I can't live with you
I can't live without you
Can't stay away
I can't stay away
I can't live with you

I can't live with you
I can't live without you
I can't live without you"

I let my tears fall as the door closes behind him. Why did I let him? He didn’t even remember my name. All he wanted was a good fuck.

And he thinks I’ll let him do it again? He thinks I will ever want him on my bed again? He’s wrong, so wrong! No. No. He’s right. I know he’s right. I want him, will always want him. It makes me want to die but it’s the cruel truth.

"Anyway I do
Can't stay away
Can't stay away baby
I can't live with you
I can't live with you"