Scared of Girls

At 13
a boy with crappy dyed green hair
Catches himself looking down Alicia Gedine’s shirt.
(In his defense, it was low cut and two sizes too big)
He thought he was above these things but now
realizes that he is as much a part of instinct as
Craig, who is taller and more muscular,
who hit puberty a year after him.
He is still scared of girls and
they do not understand why he insists
on looking so goddamn different than anyone else.
The boy begins to wonder
why as well.

At 19
he helps Alice and Johnny drag a girl
across the dirty sidewalk
through thick layers of January air
to Cooper hospital.
She has bruises on her stomach and no coat.
He waits with Johnny while Alice
Claws at the emergency room doors and asks about the girl.
An hour later she dies
and the three of them, plus one cop, cry on the sidewalk.
The cop (whose name he forgets) asks them questions
and they try and reconstruct the girl’s life.
About sixteen.
Found on a bench.
Bruises and internal bleeding consistent
with heavy trauma.
Possibly a prostitute, almost certainly poor.
Indisputably dead.
He spends the next six years wandering grief-broken meditations on this.

At 25
He sits on the Garden State Parkway curb
Admiring the perfection of the situation:
A flat tire, then a flat spare,
And then a hundred dollars to tow the car
to an empty lot in Margate.
This is his luck – he decided this long ago.
The little scrapes of time heal backwards,
until there is no skin left to peel.
The tow truck driver gives him a lift to Dunkin Donuts
For no extra charge, and
He gets out, calls a friend, and sits on another curb.
Of course, this had to happen when it is freezing outside.
He pulls his Misfits sweater around his chest
Probably looking like a crazy person.
A few cars put into the donut shop.
A man in a big blue truck, flying the stars-n-bars
stares, then gets in his truck, drives off, and forgets.
What the fuck are you staring at?
His friend, a tall girl with a hoop in her nose
pulls her jellybean car around.
He gets in and asks if she likes Billy Talent.
They listen to Billy Talent on the way home,
and as he gets out of the car, she says,
Let me know when you’re free for coffee.