Author: X_tremeroswellian
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer: Liz, Max, Alex, Isabel, Michael, Maria and any other people you're familiar with such as Diane Evans or Kyle belong to Melinda Metz and Jason Katims and the WB. Cassie is Linda's, used with her permission. Alyssa and Matthew and Alan and Pete and Tonya and the ones you don't recognize are all mine.
Rating: R for language, violence and content.
Category: Well, a lot of this is about Liz, but it's also M/L, A/I, and M/M...
Spoilers: Up through "Blood Brothers" from the tv show, Roswell High book 5, and my fic, "Matters of Trust."
Author's Note: This is a sequel to my fic, "Matters of Trust" and if you haven't read it, I strongly suggest reading it before you read anymore of this one. Hold on guys, this isn't even half finished yet, I don't think...There's a long road ahead...
Warning: This part is a little bit more intense, and a bit more depressing than the past few, but I'm trying to make this as realistic as possible.
Feedback is always appreciated, and is very motivational!
Ghosts (Part 18)
"Kyle?" Max looked up at him, both surprised and startled. He looked around, but didn't see any of his friends nearby.
"Hey, Max," Kyle responded, reaching his hand out.
Puzzled, Max shook it. "What are you doing here?"
"My dad called me. Told me about Liz's uncle."
"Oh."
Now what was he supposed to say?
As it turned out, he didn't have to worry about it. Because Kyle jumped right ahead with what he had to say.
"Look, Liz isn't looking too good. Now I don't know what's going on, but I found her sitting outside alone while you're in here doing what can only be described as moping. Whatever is going on with the two of you...She needs you now."
Kyle's voice was calm and steady, but Max could have sworn he detected a hint of warning mixed in as well.
He just nodded his head and turned towards the door.
"Max."
"Yeah?"
"Don't let her push you away."
He met Kyle's eyes, and saw the seriousness there. And with new-found determination, he set out to find Liz.
Alex gazed down at Liz, who looked back at him, her expression as close to blank as he'd ever seen it. "You do a good job of hiding your feelings, Liz. But it doesn't work with me, remember? I know you too well."
She didn't respond.
"Look, you've stuffed your feelings down about this for too long."
"Alex, I'm fine. He's dead. It's over." She turned away from him.
"It's not over, Liz," another voice said quietly.
Alex turned to see Max standing behind them. "I'm just going to go find Isabel." He looked at Liz one last time before he walked off.
Liz stared at the wall, her shoulders tense, and her arms folded across her chest. "It is over, Max."
He moved so he was standing next to her, and he reached out and turned her around so she had to look at him. "Liz, just tell me how you're feeling. Please," he begged.
She swallowed hard, and looked up into the eyes that she loved so much. The eyes that were overflowing with love for her. With one hand, she reached up and touched his cheek. "I'm sorry I've been distant, Max. It's just...I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this..." her voice trailed off.
"Liz, it doesn't matter what your supposed to feel. What matters is how you do feel." He rested his hands on her shoulders.
She closed her eyes. "I feel...like I'm glad he's gone...but then I feel guilty for feeling glad...and I feel like I'm betraying my parents because I know I'm not going to miss him...and I'm scared that I'm going to hell for feeling this way..."
Max shook his head. "Liz, after what he did to you...if you go to hell for feeling that way, I don't want to see what heaven's like." He touched her face. "But you don't have to push us away because of how you feel...We're all here for you, Liz."
"I know that. I do. It's just...I don't want to drag you guys down with me."
"You're not," he promised. "That's what family is for. Through the good and the bad." He kissed her forehead, and she leaned against him, pressing her face into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too," he said softly, resting his head on top of hers.
Isabel shivered and looked around. She hated funeral homes. They gave her the creeps. She didn't know where Max wandered off to, and she had seen Maria and Alex head towards the lobby together earlier, probably exchanging notes on how to deal with the Liz situation. Michael had been gone for awhile, too, but she didn't know where he went.
She sat down on one of the chairs toward the back of the room, as far away from the casket as possible. Another chill ran down her spine.
She could see him from her seat, though she averted her eyes quickly. Staring at dead people was not something she wanted to be doing.
"Isabel?"
She looked up and smiled at her mother as she sat down next to her. "Hi, Mom."
"How's Liz?"
"Not too good," she admitted.
Her mother put an arm around her and leaned her head against Isabel's. "I know these places give you the creeps."
"Understatement," Isabel said softly. Her eyes travelled back to the body that lay still in the casket. She turned her head and pressed her face into her mother's shoulder. "Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"What happens when you die?"
She knew it was a childish question, and she didn't know what made her ask it. It had just sort of come out.
"Well, a lot of people believe a lot of different things, Izzy. Every culture has their own beliefs about death and the afterlife."
"So who's right?"
Diane Evans smiled. "I don't think there are any rights or wrongs. I don't think there's anyway of actually knowing."
"What do you believe?" Isabel raised her head and searched her mother's eyes.
"I believe...that if you're a good person, and you don't intentionally harm people in your life, that you'll in end up with a good afterlife."
Her eyes darkened slightly. "And if you're bad?"
"Then...I don't know. What's making you ask all these things?" Diane looked at her daughter in concern.
Isabel just shook her head. "I don't know, Mom. Just being here, I guess." She felt someone standing behind her and a small smile crept onto her lips. "Hi, Alex."
Diane glanced up at the young man standing behind her daughter, startled that Isabel knew who it was without even turning around. It didn't seem to surprise Alex, though.
"Hi." He sat down in the other seat next to her.
Isabel reached over and took his hand, lacing her fingers through his. "Where are Liz and Maria?"
"Liz is with Max, and Maria's with Cassie."
"Cassie?" she repeated.
"Cassie Owens. She was in our graduating class."
"Oh, that Cassie. I remember her. She was always so quiet!" Isabel smiled. "What's she doing here?"
"She's here with Kyle."
Isabel stared at him. "Kyle Valenti?"
"The one and only," Alex answered, nodding in his direction.
Kyle stood across the room, leaning against the wall, talking to Maria and Cassie. She shook her head in amazement.
Would wonders never cease?
Liz took a deep breath as she saw her parents approaching her and Max. She reluctantly slid out of Max's warm arms, but she reached for his hand. He held hers tightly. "Mom, Dad."
"Let's go say goodbye to Charlie," her mother said softly, holding her father's hand.
Fear gripped her heart.
She didn't want to go back in there, and she especially didn't want to up to that casket.
Max seemed to know exactly how she was feeling because he moved closer to her, almost as if he was trying to physically shield her from her own fears.
Step, step, step.
Liz forced her feet to move forward until they were standing in the doorway of the room where her uncle lay dead.
No, please, don't make me do this, she thought, trying to come up with any excuse she could think of not to go up there.
"Come on, Lizzie," Jeff said softly, taking her other hand and pulling her along behind him.
God, no, please, no.
She was only a few feet away, trailing behind her father, Max right by her side.
A wave of nausea came over her as they got closer, and she swallowed convulsively, afraid she was going to be sick.
She felt her throat constrict, and she could barely breath.
Oh, God, please don't make me go up there. I don't want to.
Her heart felt like it was about to come bursting out of her chest. The room was starting to spin.
"No," she choked out in a whisper. She tried to let go of her father's hand, but he held onto hers more tightly.
"Liz?"
She heard Max's reassuring voice say her name, but it sounded so far away...
"No," she said again, her voice rising a little.
Her father turned around to face her, but when he turned it wasn't Jeff Parker holding onto her hand. It was Charlie Parker, and he was coming closer, glaring at her.
Liz ripped her hand away from him and stumbled backwards, letting out a shrill cry. "NO!" She fell into a pair of strong arms and started to sob.
Michael held Liz in his arms as she cried, and he looked up at Max, who was standing next to him, stroking her hair.
"Lizzie? It's okay," Jeff Parker whispered, moving to his daughter's side. "We know how much you loved him."
Michael grimaced and felt Liz tense at the words. His own body tensed as well. Within seconds, the others were standing around, forming a protective circle around her.
"Liz, it's okay," Maria was whispering, holding onto Liz's hand.
"Max," Liz choked out, keeping her eyes shut.
"I'm right here," he assured her as he and Michael changed positions so that Max was the one holding her.
Kyle held Cassie's hand tightly, and Michael could see that even the two of them were tense. He met Kyle's eyes briefly, and then glanced at Alex and Isabel and Diane Evans, who were all looking on in worry.
"Lizzie, it'll be easier for you later if you say goodbye," Nancy said, her voice flat.
Michael turned his gaze to her, unable to keep the coldness out of his eyes.
"Please don't make me go up there," Liz was saying softly, her voice choked and tear-filled.
"You don't have to, Liz," Max whispered back, holding her tightly.
"I don't want to..." The words were spoken in a heart breaking whimper.
Isabel covered her mouth with her hand and choked back a sob of her own. Diane wrapped her arms around her.
"What's going on? Is everything okay?" Amy DeLuca came up and saw how upset Liz was, and looked at Maria.
"She doesn't want to say goodbye," Jeff told her.
Michael bit his tongue and tried to keep his mouth shut.
Amy looked at Liz sympathetically, but didn't say anything.
"Come on, Lizzie," Nancy Parker urged.
Liz shook her head furiously against Max's chest. If possible, he tightened his arms around her even more tightly, and met Nancy's eyes. "She doesn't want to."
"I know what's best for her, I'm her mother." There was no mistaking the bitter jealousy in her voice.
"Nancy--" Jeff began.
"Just because you're her boyfriend gives you no right to run her life!"
"Max isn't running her life, Nancy, he's trying to respect Liz's wishes," Diane said softly, stroking Isabel's hair.
"He's not her family!"
That was it. Michael stepped forward. "With no disrespect, Mrs. Parker, Liz is 20 years old. She's capable of making her own decisions."
Maria held onto his arm.
"And who the hell do you think you are?" Nancy demanded.
"Okay, let's keep in mind where we are here people," Amy said gently, trying to calm them all down.
Michael took a deep breath and looked away.
"This is Liz's favorite uncle. She should say goodbye to him. It's the respectful thing to do." Nancy held her ground and glared at Max and Michael.
Liz finally managed to pull her face away from Max, but didn't move away from him as she turned to face her mother. "I don't want to go up there, Mom."
"Lizzie--"
"Don't call me that," she whispered. "He called me that, and I didn't like it..."
Nancy's face registered confusion.
Michael glanced over at Alex, who was staring right back him as they both had the same realization at the same moment. Their eyes widened.
"Honey, your uncle Charlie loved you very much," Jeff said quietly.
"No, he didn't!" Her face was tear-strained and she was trembling. "If he did, he wouldn't have--" She cut herself off.
Maria's hand rose to her mouth as she, too, realized what was about to happen.
"He wouldn't have what?" Nancy's voice was now a mixture of confusion and annoyance.
"He wouldn't have abused me!" Liz's voice came out a strangled whisper.