Author: Kara
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine, not--don't sue,
don't sue, don't sue.
Eye of the Storm
He stood at the base of the ladder for a long time, staring at
the wall. He had to do it. He knew he had to do it. There was so
much that he had to think about... He'd lived for Liz for so long
that now he had to step back for while, to see where they should
go from here. To learn how to deal in reality with what had been
a dream for so long.
He could hear music playing, and the scratching of her pen in her
journal. He could imagine her head bent, dark hair falling in a
soft waterfall over her face, scented candles burning like tiny
fireflies all around her. The iron of the ladder felt cold under
his hands, and he tried not to think of the last time he climbed
up to her roof. If he thought about that night, that kiss--their
first kiss--he knew he'd never be able to let her go.
She was an intoxication. She infiltrated his world until he could
focus on nothing else. He'd thought that being with her would
bring danger to the one he loved the most, but she was the one
who put him in danger. That one kiss, that one dance, even that
tempting line about her parents being away...she could take over
his mind so easily and completely that he would become careless
and let something slip.
Her love for him challenged every ounce of self-control that he'd
ever had. There were six that he had to look out for now. He'd
almost lost Michael when she distracted him. The love he'd always
wanted was in his grasp, but he had to turn it away, until he
could find his center again and learn how to deal with it. He
couldn't have both things right now--it was either his friends'
safety, or her love.
But would consume him utterly. He needed time to think--space to
find himself again...
So he climbed up the ladder to face his destiny.
She sat, as he pictured her, on the lounge chair. His heart was
in his throat, but he said what had to be said. "Is this a
bad time?"
She put down her journal, and smiled that blindingly beautiful
smile of hers. "No, it's not. Hi."
He fidgeted from foot to foot. Just say it. Don't look in her
eyes, don't tempt yourself. Say it, Max. Be strong.
"Just wanted to see how you were doing."
She looked a little confused. " I'm fine. Yeah, um...how's
Michael?"
Michael? Other than seeming mellower than he'd ever been in his
life? Other than finally realizing that emotions and attachments
could be a good thing? But he couldn't say that now. He couldn't
admit that Michael might be right about not running anymore.
"Same as ever."
She smiled. "That's really good."
Get it over with, Maxwell. He could almost hear
Michael's voice in the back of his mind. Do it, before you
cave. Don't reach out for her. Don't let her heart melt yours.
" But I'm not, Liz."
He snuck a look at her through his eyelashes. The look on her
face almost broke him, right then. Breathe, Max. Breathe.
Her voice had that little crack in it that meant she was upset.
"What do you mean?"
He began to pace as she walked towards him, trying to keep as
much distance between them. His heart sang to hers, and if he got
any closer, he'd fall under her spell. So he stared everywhere
but at her face, always blinking. Always showing his strong
veneer. He would not cave. "I mean one day it will be me,
and I can't keep pretending that I'm normal. " There, he
said it. He would not look into her eyes and watch her world
crumble. He didn't have the strength for that.
But he could hear it in her voice. "Max, look...you know, I
didn't...I didn't mean to have doubts. I didn't...I didn't mean
to let you down in the cave."
The cave? It wasn't about her...it was about whether he had the
strength to be everything to everyone...if he could live here and
love here and still keep them all safe. So he risked looking at
her. And had to blink rapidly to keep the tears from falling.
"I don't blame you. You had every right to feel that way,
because what you felt is true." And now the bomb. Let loose
the sirens. Find the air raid shelters. He closed his eyes, his
heart, and almost a decade of loving Liz Parker. "We don't
belong together."
Her response was quick, pained. He could hear the tears in her
voice. "Don't say that."
But he had to continue, without mercy. "The other night, you
know, when we went out...and the whole day before...ever since we
kissed...I've been off balance. You made me forget that anything
else existed, but that's not real. " It couldn't be real.
Because of the little differences between them. There could never
be happily ever after. Not for Romeo and Juliet. Not in this
world.
But Liz didn't feel that way. Her protest screamed silently at
him. "It is the only real thing that I've ever felt. "
She was getting close again, as if she knew she was his
kryptonite. But he wouldn't cave. He couldn't. Not now.
So he steeled himself. Didn't let himself think about the future,
and how easily and willingly he'd throw it all way, for her.
"Sometimes you have to take a step back to see what's really
going on. Maybe that's what we both really need to do right
now..." his voice faltered "...find our balance
again."
But this was Liz, and she was stubborn. He'd seen it in her eyes
a thousand times, when she kept poking and prodding at his
protective shield until she managed to find her way into his
heart. "You know, Max, I thought that...I thought that we'd
found it. "
And they had, oh they had, and he wanted to stay at that calm
center of the hurricane and live there forever, in her arms...
And again, the tears threatened to come, and his voice caught in
his throat. "You don't know how much I wish that could be
true."
He dared to look at her again, had to restrain herself from
gently wiping that tear that trickled down her cheek. God, he was
breaking her heart, and it hurt him more than even that day she'd
been shot..."Max...how is it possible that I could be...I
could be the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life...you
know, and now the saddest all at...all at one time?"
He couldn't do it. He couldn't do this to her, leaving her so
alone and helpless...he needed to give her something, something
to keep her strong... So he gave her his smile, the one that
belonged to her alone. And with it, the first admittance of how
strongly he felt. The first time either had voiced it out loud.
"I think that's what being in love is. "
He only hoped it would be enough for her, enough for him. All he
wanted was to sprinkle those three words on her lips until the
end of time. But she raised her eyes to his in that brave way of
hers, her voice as soft as his. "Yeah, I think so, too."
"So we'll just take a step back...for a while." And he
visibly stepped back, to his safety down the ladder, so that he
could go home and lie awake in his lonely bed.
Again, her small hand coming up to rub a tear hurriedly away,
before he noticed. "Well, uh...you know, if that's what...if
that's what you want, I... "
He spoke to his eyelids, the only thing he trusted at this
moment. " It's what I need...because I'm just as scared as
you are."
And somehow he found the ladder, and managed to get his feet
moving without plummeting to the ground below.
And that catch in her voice, as she reached out, but he couldn't
give in, he couldn't reach back... "No, wait, Max." The
gods were cruel. The gods were too cruel. He wouldn't make it...
And she pressed her lips to his gently, igniting that spark of
electricity that flared between them even stronger than the one
he felt when he touched Iz or Michael. They belonged together.
They could both feel it. Soulmates. Destined. But he had to turn
his back on all that. He had to use all the strength he had. And
he kept his lips passive, not kissing her back.
A tear slipped down his cheek. He wasn't sure if it was hers, or
his. And her soft voice, so hoarse it seemed raw. "I just
wanted...to remember. "
To remember? He doubt he could ever forget.
"Good-bye, Liz."
And he made it down the ladder, hating himself more than he ever
had.
"Good-bye, Max."
Maybe someday she'd understand. Maybe someday, they'd all
understand.
As he cranked the jeep, he rested his head back, and looked at
the stars. He'd never regretted being an alien so much as he did
now. Maybe someday, he'd have the strength to be both the alien
that he was born, and the human that he became when he loved Liz.
Until then, he'd watch the stars...and let his tears fall.
The End