Author: BuffyT

Email: [email protected]

Envelopes

I tried to drive home calmly today, but it was hard. Yesterday was the day that Harvard sent out their notification letters. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up - the letter would take some time to get here - but I still felt butterflies in my stomach as I sorted through our mail.

They have a wonderful molecular biology program at Harvard, plus it's far away from Roswell. After playing the part of the small town girl for eighteen years, I decided that it was definitely time for a change. As soon as that fat envelope from Harvard comes, consider me gone. There's only one problem. Max Evans.

To this day, two and a half years later, I still remember, with perfect clarity, the wonderful kiss we shared during the winter heat wave. It's pretty much the only thing that has been keeping me going for this long. Even after he broke up with me, claiming a need to find his "balance," we seemed to drift back together again. Maybe it was our need to share our feelings with each other, or the desire to conspire with someone else about the dangerous secret of Max, Isabel, and Michael's origin. Whatever it was, Max and I always ended up alone with time to kill. But whenever his head slipped down towards mine, so close that I could see his mouth trembling, we always managed to break the spell and remind ourselves of our decision to stay apart.

I tried to start dating, and tried to lead a normal existence, but every boy I went out with failed to excite me. Every time he kissed me I compared it to the perfect kiss I shared with Max, and my new guy never came close to those high standards. I ended up dumping each within two weeks.

Max never went out with anyone. Whenever I saw him watching me talk to another guy, I always felt a little twang of pain in my chest.

He sits next to me in our AP biology class. It's always a thrill doing experiments with him because he is so insightful. With Max, I can have a great conversation about the future of gene splicing and not feel like a complete nerd. Of course, it doesn't hurt that talking to him gives me a chance to look into his beautiful eyes.

So anyway, the problem is that Max applied to Harvard, too. If we both get in, that will just mean more of the same: both of us pining away for each other and being unable to allow the relationship to progress. If only one of us gets in, we might be able to move on with our lives. Maybe if I don't sit next to him every day, I will be able to forget his incredibly soulful eyes and beautiful soul and have a normal life. But whenever I say that to myself, it always feels wrong. I know that if we're apart it will just be even worse. How could I live at all without having him near me?

I walked into AP bio and found Max already sitting down.

"Hi," he said, as I took my seat.

"Hey." I put my stuff down and took out my notebook. "So. They mailed the letters yesterday."

He looked at me, almost with relief. "I know. Scary, isn't it?"

"Yeah." For more than one reason, I thought. "Every time I so much as see the mail my heart starts beating like crazy, and I start shaking. Sometimes I need to remind myself to breathe."

"Yeah." He glanced at me, then stared intently at his pencil. "I know what that's like."

I smiled a little and looked down at the desk. "I hope it will come today. But then, I kinda don't..."

"Liz." I looked up at him. "You promise to tell me as soon as you get it?" His mouth was pulled into a conspiratorial smile. "Promise to tell me first, before anyone else?"

"I will if you will. Tell me first too, I mean."

"Okay. I promise."

"We have to shake on it," I said.

"You sure you don't want to write it out and sign it with blood, while we're at it?" Max joked.

I laughed. "Just a handshake." I held out my hand. He clasped my hand firmly and shook.

I felt the little electric shock spider up my arm at his touch, and looked down at our joined hands for a brief moment.

I could almost see him doing the same thing. Neither of us wanted to be caught enjoying the touch too much, so we hurriedly looked away from our hands. Our eyes met. I could see the surprise play across his face. His eyes were bright and clear, but they looked sad.

"Deal," he said quietly.

"This is so exciting!" Maria said, bouncing up and down in the driver's seat. School was over and we were on our way to my house to check the mail for a certain letter that would determine my future.

"Ooh, I hope it's a big envelope," I prayed.

"You know, it could be big, but also bad. What if it were big and thin?" Maria said.

"That's okay, I think. As long as it's big, it's good."

"So big good, little bad." Maria summed up.

I thought about it for a moment. "I don't know. Little could be good, if it's fat."

"Okay. Little and skinny, bad. Little and fat, good. And of course, you can't go wrong with a nice big envelope." Maria began bouncing again. "I think I'm more excited than you are."

"I just hide it well," I said. When I looked down at my hands, they were shaking a little. I willed myself not to panic. If it comes, it comes. No biggie. I shouldn't get my hopes up.

Funny how I didn't seem to be listening to myself.

"That would suck if it were a postcard," Maria said.

"Huh?"

"If they just sent out postcards with "NO" written on them in big, bold letters." Maria glanced over at me. "Of course, that doesn't happen. And even if it did, it wouldn't happen to you, because you are definitely going to get in."

"I really hope so, Maria," I said, hopelessly.

"Don't talk like that! You will get in. I know it. I know these things." The car turned into my driveway. Maria parked, and I got out of the car as calmly as possible. I tried to walk nonchalantly up to my door, but my legs felt stiff and immobile. I felt Maria's reassuring hand on my shoulder as I slid my key into the lock and turned it. The door swung open and I saw the mail laying on the floor. The first thing I noticed was that there were no big envelopes. The second was that there was a postcard.

I picked up the stack of letters and shuffled through them, scanning each for the telltale Harvard ensignia in the upper left corner. It wasn't there.

"It's not here," I told Maria. "It didn't come."

"Then it will most definitely come tomorrow," Maria said, nodding firmly.

"What if it doesn't? What if it got lost, or, or, destroyed or something! What if someone stole it? That would be an awful thing to do, but it happens, you know. People stealing mail? What if it got stolen?"

Maria grabbed me by the shoulders. "Calm down! It will come. That's final." She searched my face to make sure I was all right.

"You're right. I don't know what I'm getting so worried about." I nodded resolutely. "It will come."

"Good girl."

I couldn't sleep that night. Usually I'm more than happy to go to sleep, because sometimes I have dreams about Max. Sometimes he seems so real, so solid and, well, normal, that I wake up and become disoriented when I don't see him sitting next to me. We never really DO anything in those wonderful dreams. Usually we sit and talk, take walks around town, or go see a new movie together. The dreams are so happy, so blissfully normal, that I sometimes find myself going to bed earlier just so that if I have a Max dream that night, it might last longer.

But tonight I couldn't sleep at all. When I closed my eyes and managed to fall into a restless slumber, all I saw were lots of envelopes and an occasional postcard swirling around across my field of vision. Then Max's head would swirl into view and he would take a giant bite out of one of the evil envelopes. At that point, I would wake up.

Instead of putting up with that continual torture, I went out onto my deck, wrapped myself up in my blanket, lay back, and looked at the stars. The sky was clear tonight, and I could see billions of little twinkling stars suspended in the heavens. For the hundredth time, I wondered which one Max, Isabel and Michael came from.

What would I do if Max and I both got in to Harvard? I knew that seeing him everyday would make it very difficult for me to lead a normal college life. If only we could be together. No one was chasing us anymore, Sheriff Valenti had long given up his father's beliefs, and the FBI had left, seemingly for good. So what was the problem? If Max and I got close again, we would be too happy. We would let our guard down, and might distract each other from noticing a potential danger. But it's been two and a half years, and hardly anything has happened that we hadn't been able to handle. Max and I could have been together and happy for so long, but we were too scared of what might happen. I would rather be happy with Max and in constant danger, than I would be lonely without him and perfectly safe.

So I made up my mind. If we both get accepted to Harvard, I'm going to give Max a choice. He can decide to be with me. We can give in to our love for each other and embark on the college journey together. Or, he can pick option number two. He can choose not to be with me, and I will break off all contact from him. I will forget that aliens exist and I will avoid him at all costs. I sighed. I really hope he chooses option number one.

Before I present my ultimatum to him, there is still one little thing that needs to happen. We have to get accepted to Harvard. I groaned, and closed my eyes to try one more time to sleep.

It was Saturday. I woke up outside, cold and exhausted, but managed to get my uniform on and go downstairs to serve greasy food to whoever might demand it.

"Excuse me, Miss? I asked for no mustard on this." The obnoxious woman pulled apart the buns dramatically for me to look inside. "It has mustard."

As if I really care, lady, I thought. I forced a smile onto my face. "Of course. Let me get you another one. Without mustard." I took the plate from her table and allowed my smile to drop from my face. I put in the new order, then paused and swept my eyes over the masses stuffing themselves. It had only been a couple of hours and already my feet were aching and I was getting anxious for the mail to arrive. I noticed the door swing open and, all of a sudden, I started smiling. It was Max.

He sat down at an empty booth. As I walked over I tried to keep my smile in check.

"Hi."

"Hey Liz," he said. "How are you doing?"

"Ugg. I am so tired, and it's so busy. Sometimes I think these people were just put here on Earth to make my life hell." He smiled a little.

"Can I get a cherry cola?"

"Sure. I'll be right back." I navigated my way through the screaming kids and unsatisfied customers to the soda machine.

I got back to Max's table and put the drink down in front of him. He looked up, almost surprised to see it there. "Thanks," he said.

The cushion looked so soft...

"Can I sit down?" I asked him.

"Yeah. Of course," he replied.

I sighed and sunk down into the seat, relieving my feet.

"You look... really tired," Max said, studying my face.

"I didn't sleep too well last night. I'm worried about the letter from Harvard." I pulled my legs up onto the seat next to me and put my head down on the table. "You didn't get yours yet, did you?" He shook his head. "Have you thought any more about what you want to major in?"

"I'm still thinking of astronomy. But, well, you never know. Pre-med, maybe. I haven't decided yet."

"Astronomy is good. It's so... appropriate." We smiled at the inside joke.

I stared out the window and watched the people passing by. "Max," I said slowly. He turned and followed my gaze.

"What?" He looked back at me, confused.

"The mailman just walked by." We met each other's eyes for a moment. It was amazing how he could understand exactly what I was feeling, because he felt it too. Right now, we were both very excited and nervous.

I abruptly stood up. "Come on," I said, taking hold of his wrist and pulling him up. He followed easily, and we rushed out the door. I got to the mail slot, and stopped with a jolt. Max bumped into me from behind, grabbing my shoulders to steady himself. I stared at the mail scattered on the floor. I could feel my heart pounding in my entire body. I was barely breathing. I forced myself to calm down, and took a deep breath. I glanced at Max, who was standing beside me, also looking at the envelopes on the floor.

I moved slowly, as though my calm actions might calm my heart as well. I kneeled down and scooped up the mail. There were no big envelopes. I stood back up and was vaguely aware of Max watching me. My hands shook of their own accord as I went through each letter one by one. PG&E bill. Postcard from one of mom's friends. Bank statement. Macy's catalogue. I was getting frustrated. My excitement was turning into disappointment. The next envelope said "you might have already won." Letter from relatives. Another bill. And then, I saw the familiar symbol peeking out at me from the upper left hand corner. Harvard University Office of Admission. All the other envelopes fell to the floor.

I stared at it. It was a normal sized business envelope. I turned it over in my hand, slowly, gently, examining it for clues. It wasn't fat, but it looked like there was more than one paper in it. I looked up at Max. He looked worried, but smiled encouragingly at me. "This is it." My voice sounded strange, like I was underwater. I stared at the envelope for another second, then began to rip it open.

I peeked inside and my heart started going like crazy. I felt like I might pass out. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes, collecting myself again. My trembling fingers pulled the papers out of the envelope. I unfolded them slowly.

The words on the page looked blurry and I struggled to focus. I glanced one more time at Max, and I seemed to calm down. My eyes scanned the page. Like any good scientist, I began at the beginning.

"Dear Liz Parker," I read out loud. "Congratulations."

I skimmed the rest of the letter to make sure I didn't misread it. "Oh boy," I breathed.

"Wow." I read it over again, my eyes beginning to tear up.

"That's great! Congratulations!" Max said.

I grinned widely. "Thank you! Wow! I can't believe this!" I clutched the letter tightly, my heart singing. I got in! I'm going to Harvard! I looked at Max, who was being passively happy for me. "If I were Maria, I would be doing a little happy dance right now," I said laughingly, smiling through the tears that were spilling out of my eyes.

"Congratulations, Liz," Max said warmly, stepping toward me and opening his arms. He didn't have to offer me twice. I threw my arms around his neck, almost jumping up and down with joy. I snuggled into his warm body, my tears freely running down my face. I tried not to think about how good his arms felt tightening around me, but it was hard to ignore. I was the happiest I had been in a long time, having just been accepted to Harvard and now being hugged by Max. It was then, in the midst of my joy, that I remembered the complications that came with both of these wonderful events.

I sobered almost immediately. He continued to hold me tightly to him, and I realized that this was where I wanted to be, in Max's arms forever. His hands moved reassuringly over my back, and I felt momentarily dizzy. My face was so close to his neck, I could almost taste his skin. His hand moved up to caress my neck, and I could feel his breath in my hair. We had been hugging for a long time, and as if on cue, we pulled away from each other, flustered. As an afterthought, I noticed that my heart was still going a mile a minute, and it looked as if Max was a little out of breath too.

"Wow," I breathed voicelessly, meeting his eyes for a moment. I caught myself, and desperately hoped he would think I was referring to my acceptance to Harvard. I absorbed myself in my letter, trying to calm myself down again and erase the awkwardness that hung in the air between us.

"So, what about you?" I said.

"What about me?" he asked, confusion and amusement crossing his face.

"You must have gotten you letter too, right? I mean, they were sent at the same time, so yours probably came, too," I said reasonably.

"Yeah, you're right," Max said, suddenly looking really nervous. He backed toward the door. "I'm gonna... go," he gestured to the jeep parked outside, "go check the mail."

"Yeah! Of course! Go on," I said, waving him toward the door.

He stopped moving and looked straight at me with that little smile on his face that always makes me feel all warm inside. "Congratulations again, Liz," he said softly. He moved toward the door again, and as he passed through it, threw over his shoulder, "wish me luck."

"Good luck!" I sent after him. "Call me when you get it!" He nodded, then jogged to his car, jumped in, and drove away.

I went back to the Crashdown and waited tables while I waited anxiously for Max's call. After an hour he still hadn't called and I was getting worried that something bad had happened. He would still call if he didn't get the letter, right? Part of me was worried about him and anxious for the call, and the other part of me was relieved, because I was becoming increasingly nervous about giving him my ultimatum.

It was three hours later when the phone finally rang. I sprinted over to it, then took a deep breath before picking up the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Hi. It's Max."

"Hi." I paused. Was he going to tell me? "So?" I asked. "Did you get it?"

There was another short pause, and a little gulp over the phone line. "Yeah, I got it."

I didn't want to have to drag it out of him, but I was eager to know, wanting to get this whole thing over with. "Did you get in?" I asked hesitantly.

"I..." I heard him exhale heavily. "I didn't get in."

I didn't know what to say. I assumed he would get in, I had planned for it. "Oh Max. I'm sorry. Are, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." His voice sounded stronger now. "It's not a big deal for me."

"I'm so sorry Max. You deserved to get in. More than I did."

"Don't say that," he said. "You should be happy for yourself. Don't worry about me. I'm fine. After all," a bit of a smile crept into his voice, "I'm not the one who planned to be a molecular biologist at Harvard since the fifth grade."

"Still..." I trailed off.

"I have to go now, Liz," he said. "I'll see you later."

"Okay." I was about to take the phone from my ear. "Wait, Max." I could hear him waiting for me to speak. "Are you sure you'll be okay? Do you... do you need anything?"

"I'll be fine. Thanks." There was another long pause. "Goodbye Liz."

"Bye Max." I heard a soft click as he hung up the phone.

I was cleaning up at the Crashdown later that day, trying to puzzle out my next move now that Max and I would surely end up on opposite sides of the country. I couldn't just let him go like that, I couldn't. College was a nightmare, and we hadn't even graduated high school yet!

Just as I got out my rag and began wiping the tables, I heard an insistent knock on the glass door. Looking up, I could only see a vague dark figure standing in front of the glass. I approached cautiously, still not able to identify the shape, and made a mental note of the location of the nearest self-defense weapon. There were pots in the kitchen, and a broom right behind the counter. I reached the door and peered through the glass. It was Isabel.

She was standing outside with her arms crossed, looking impatient. I was surprised to see her, and my mind was immediately at work trying to put together a scenario that would make her come by the Crashdown after closing time. What if something happened to Max? I hurriedly unlocked the door and swung it open, and Isabel came inside.

"Hi Liz," she said. I felt like she was examining me, or blaming me for something.

"Hi." I could see a tinge of worry under her carefully guarded expression. I was concerned again. "Is there anything wrong?"

Isabel smirked a little. "Max is fine."

I felt my cheeks warm up in embarrassment. She saw right through me. But at least Max was okay. "Um, not that I mind, Isabel, but why are you here?"

"Well, it is about my brother." She sighed, as if he was always making trouble, and motioned to their booth. "Can I sit down?"

"Yeah, of course." I slid in on the other side. "So, what about Max?" He was probably depressed after being rejected from Harvard.

"He's been really depressed ever since he got the Harvard letter this afternoon," Isabel said. I was proud of myself for being right, but I couldn't figure out why a little case of depression would bring Isabel to see me.

"I can imagine he must be pretty disappointed. I know how much he wanted to go there. I feel kinda bad, you know," I confided in her. "He was there when I got my letter, and he was all excited, and then, well, he didn't get in. He deserved to."

"You see, that's the problem," Isabel said, rolling her eyes.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"Max WAS accepted to Harvard," she stated.

Now that just didn't add up. "What?" I was incredulous. "But he told me he didn't get in. I talked to him just a few hours ago and that's what he said." I struggled to make sense of it all.

"I know that's what he told you." Isabel sighed again. "It was a really difficult decision for him to make."

"Are you sure? You saw the letter?"

"Yeah. He didn't want me to tell you, or anyone. He wants everyone to think he got rejected."

"Why? Why would he do that?" All of a sudden I was afraid. Maybe there was some reason for him to reject an acceptance from Harvard. Maybe he doesn't want to be around me anymore...

"He did it for you, Liz," Isabel said. Her tone was softer now. She shifted uncomfortably in the vinyl seat. "Look, you know how much he cares about you. Ever since the third grade, he's had this thing for you. Anyway, he thinks that if he lets you go to Harvard by yourself, you'll be able to get on with your life and be happy without him."

I was shocked. It was something Max would do, I understood, but how could anyone give up Harvard? "I don't think I could ever be happy without him," I whispered.

Isabel smiled wistfully. "I don't think he could ever be happy without you either," she said. "I would never want that for my favorite brother. And I don't want him to give up this wonderful opportunity. I mean, it's Harvard," she said emphatically. "I can't let him just pass it up."

"Yeah, I see what you mean," I said. "He shouldn't not go to one of the best schools in the country on account of me."

"So I was wondering if you would talk to him. He usually listens to you, and maybe you could persuade him not to throw his life away like this."

I nodded. "I can do that. Definitely."

"And maybe you could try to find a way to make him happy, while you're at it," Isabel said, smiling at me conspiratorially.

I nodded again, smiling right back. "I think I could try to do that. Although he won't take it too well. I have tried before, you know."

Isabel stood up. "Just as long as you can convince my silly brother not to make the biggest mistake of his life."

"Thanks for telling me all of this Isabel," I said.

"You deserved to know." She walked across the restaurant to the door, yanked it open, and turned back to me. "I think he was going to the cliffs tonight to brood." She smiled slyly. "I thought you might want to know. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I said as she swept out the door.

I sat in the booth for a long time, thinking, until the last light went out of the sky. I finally made up my mind about my next course of action. I jumped up, changed back into my normal clothes and locked up the Crashdown. Then I got into my car and took off into the dark desert.

It was dark in Roswell, NM, and all the stars were out. The air was warm and I drove with the windows down, letting the wind whip through my hair and caress my face. I turned off the main road onto a gravely path, and the car bounced up and down as I rolled over the rocks. I could see the clearing up ahead, and my headlights illuminated Max's jeep parked next to the footpath. I parked my car right next to his, and began walking, determined, up the path that lead to the cliffs.

As I climbed higher and higher the sky got darker and the stars seemed to become clearer, more pronounced in the night's sky. I took my last step up the path and found myself standing on a flat expanse of land, which fell away to the desert floor on two sides, earning it the name "the cliffs." You could see the whole sky from here. I used to drag Maria and Alex here when we were in middle school. I would haul my telescope up with us to look at the moon and the planets that were visible, and I would point out the different constellations to the other two. The first couple of years of high school Maria and I came here alone. We would lie on our backs and gaze at the stars and talk about everything: school, boys, parents, dreams, the future.

The moon was almost full tonight, and it gave everything an ethereal glow. I looked up at the stars and my eyes were drawn to five stars arranged in a faint v shape, and for the millionth time I wondered if we would ever find out what they were trying to tell us. I focused back on my mission, and I glanced across the expanse of rock to see a dark figure lying down across the cliff from me.

I walked toward him confidently, going over in my mind what I was going to say. As I got closer I saw that he was lying on his back and looking up at the stars, just like I used to do. His t-shirt rippled over his body as the wind jostled it, and the expression on his face was intense, transfixed. Seeing him concentrate on the stars like that made me slow down, and wonder if I maybe shouldn't interrupt him during such a private time.

He must have heard me coming, although I was taking care to step lightly, for he abruptly sat up and looked searchingly in my direction. His gaze settled on me, and I stopped walking forward, feeling slightly embarrassed for coming.

"Hi Max," I said.

"Liz. What are you doing here?" His voice sounded sharp, and I began to have second thoughts about everything.

"I heard you might be up here tonight," I said with a small smile, and hoped he would smile back, forgiving me.

"Oh." He paused, staring at a pebble on the ground. Then he looked up at me and returned my smile. "I was just looking at the stars. It's beautiful out tonight."

"Yeah, it is really beautiful." I made my way to where he was sitting, and dropped down next to him. He hugged his knees to his chest and gazed at the endless expanse of desert and sky. We sat there silently for a couple of minutes, admiring the sky, before I got up the courage to speak again. "So, how are you doing?"

He didn't take his eyes off the horizon to answer. "I've been better."

I had the sudden overwhelming urge to just tell him everything. "Listen, Max. I talked to Isabel tonight." I looked at him carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. Worry flit across his face for a brief moment before he regained his composure.

"You did?" His voice sounded strained. Still he kept his eyes straight ahead.

"Yeah." I watched his face as I spoke. "She told me what you did." Max's eyes turned toward the ground and I could see his worry. "How could you give up Harvard?" I asked.

Max crossed his legs and leaned back onto his hands. He paused, then raised his eyes to mine. "I did it for you," he said softly, as though his decision was the most natural one in the world.

Even though I already knew his motive, my breath caught in my throat at his words, and I fell into his deep eyes.

"I know," I said in a whisper, and my skin tingled as his bare arm brushed mine lightly.

"I just want you to be happy." His words were a verbal caress, silky and smooth to my ears.

I shifted slightly, turning towards him some more. It might have been a coincidence, but as I settled into my new position, my knee touched his, and I let it stay there. "Do you remember that night, sophomore year, when we went out? We ate Chinese food and played pool. Do you remember?"

He looked up at the sky wistfully. "How could I forget."

"Max." He looked back at me, and I was struck by how gorgeous his eyes were as they sparkled in the moonlight. "In these past two years, I haven't come close to being as happy as I was that night."

For a moment I heard only the wind and my heartbeat. "Me neither," he finally said. He studied my face. "But it can't be like that forever. No matter how much we both want..." He sighed in frustration. "It just isn't meant to be."

"But Max, don't you realize what you're giving up by making this choice?"

He looked at me sadly. "Yeah, I do."

"You're giving up Harvard, Max. The best school in the whole country! I can't let you pass up this great opportunity just because of me."

"I want to go to Harvard, I really do, but I've messed up your life enough as it is. We just need to make a nice clean break, and then you can get on with your life."

I felt desperation setting in. "Stop telling me what I need! Stop telling me that you made the decision for my benefit, when really you're just scared. I can't let you give this up! How could I go off to college knowing that I was the one who stopped you from having the best education you could get? It's your first choice school! I couldn't live with that."

Max smiled slightly. "Well, technically, you weren't supposed to know."

I rolled my eyes, but was glad that he lightened the mood.

Max moved his hand so his fingertips just touched mine, and I almost forgot my reason for being there. "What if I told you I would go to Harvard," he suggested.

"Do you promise?"

"Yeah, I promise."

"I think that would be really good," I replied, entwining my fingers lightly with his. I met his eyes, and my pulse sped up. We both felt suddenly embarrassed, and turned our heads toward the stars. There was still the feathery feeling of his thumb stroking my hand, and I closed my eyes.

"You're right." His calm voice broke the silence of the night. "I guess I'm just scared, you know, of what might happen with us if we go to college together. It's still dangerous."

"I don't care. I can't get on with my life and I can't be happy. Now without you." My eyes began to get watery, and I dropped my head to look at our hands. "But you'll go, right? You've changed your mind?"

"Liz. If I go to Harvard, too," Max said slowly, "I don't think I'll be able to stay away from you."

I almost laughed. "I don't think I have a problem with that."

He took my hand completely in his. "It will change everything."

"Yeah. We might actually be happy," I said, scooting closer to him.

His hand came up to stroke my hair, and I closed my eyes at the simple touch. I reached out to take hold of his shirt, and gently pulled him toward me. His head drifted closer to mine, and my heartbeat quickened, anticipating feeling his lips on mine, waiting for my world to again be turned upside down.

He cradled my head in his hands and just looked at me for a long time. I could get lost in his eyes forever. I watched his eyes mist up, and all of a sudden his hands dropped from my face. He pulled away from me quickly, and I was disoriented when the warmth of his body left me cold.

"God, Liz, I can't do this." He looked at me pleadingly. "There are too many risks, you might get hurt. If something happened to you, I couldn't live with it. It's just not meant to be."

I felt like the world was crumbling in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do about it. I would beg, I would get down on my knees and beg if it would mean that he might change his mind. "What are you saying?" My voice was shaky and broken, and everything was swimming in front of my vision.

"We can't be together." He stated it with no emotion, and he stared intently at one point on the horizon, not looking at me.

For a second it didn't register. "What?" I whimpered. He wouldn't look at me. That was when everything broke. I put my face in my shaking hands and sobbed, the tears running through my fingers onto the rocky ground. If I couldn't be with Max, I would never be happy, and I knew it. I tried to think rationally, to devise a plan, but all I heard was his last statement repeated over and over in my head. We can't be together, we can't be together... I became desperate. I stood up fast, almost blinded by my tears and anger. I swiped my sleeve across my face, mopping up some of the tears.

"How can you say that? We were so close! How can you say it like that, like I don't mean anything to you? Like you don't feel so, so complete whenever we're together! Like you don't feel that wonderful energy that we make, that little tingle that I feel anytime I'm around you! I love you and you don't care, you act like this great thing we have needs to be avoided! We have been staying away from each other for so long that it's become a habit. We just need to accept it, you know, step out from behind the tree or whatever!"

As I paused for breath Max stood up and took a step toward me. "Listen, Liz," he tried to say, but I interrupted him.

"How can you pretend like this is nothing? I love you. But if that's your decision, fine. Fine! But you will go to Harvard, you promised. I just won't see you, ever, if I can help it. That's the deal."

I took a deep breath and looked at him for one more moment. His hair was messed up, strands sticking every which way. His eyes were wet, pleading with me, and they seemed to be trying to pull me back, right into his arms where I knew I belonged. It was physically painful for me to rip myself from his gaze and hurl myself toward the footpath, but I ran, stumbling and nearly blind, down the path to my car. I slammed the door behind me and screeched out of the parking area. I saw only a haze of dark shrubs and black dirt whipping by me as I turned back onto the highway. Nothing made sense anymore. For a long time, all I did was watch the black asphalt disappear under the car, and listen to the sound of my own crying.

I was so absorbed in my own misery that I didn't notice the headlights creeping up on me from behind. I heard a faint voice calling my name, and for a moment I thought I was imgaining things. I looked around wildly and saw Max in his jeep driving next to me in the other lane. The pain was renewed, just by seeing him. I glanced at him, then back at the road. He looked desperate.

"Liz!" He kept calling me, but I tried to block him out. I couldn't talk to him now. I just needed to think, and with Max right there, that wasn't possible. "Liz! Please, I need to talk to you!" His voice was distorted by the wind, so I heard only a broken voice through the window.

I took a moment to collect myself again, then rolled down the window. Max looked almost hopeful now.

"We need to talk!" Max yelled to me, switching his eyes back and forth between me and the highway.

I tried to stay calm and fight the panic rising inside of me. "I don't see what there is to talk about. We've pretty much exhausted the subject." My voice sounded strong to my own ears, and I sniffled once and waited for his reply.

"Liz, please. Please. I just want to tell you something," he begged.

I couldn't listen to him plead. He sounded so upset. "Go ahead," I yelled at him.

"Not now." He motioned to the side of the road. "Pull over."

Mixed in with my tears, there was now a glimmer of hope. Maybe Max changed his mind, maybe he wanted to be with me after all. I maneuvered the car onto the highway shoulder, and as I sat in my car, thoughts whirring through my head, he stopped the Jeep a little way in front of me. He climbed out of his car and began walking swiftly towards me. With one last deep breath, I stepped out of the car.

I couldn't let myself think about how great he looked, I wouldn't think about the wonderful kiss all those years ago. Max had rejected me, and I was upset. He wouldn't say anything new, he would most likely just explain why we couldn't be together, in lots of detail, and that would make it even worse. But mixed in with these feelings of gloom were little sparks of hope, telling me that maybe everything would be okay after all. I stood still and watched him come towards me. The desert fell away, and I saw only Max.

He was approaching really fast, and he had a determined look on his face. What distracted me the most was the way he was looking at me. The same way he had looked at the stars before - transfixed, intense. I became slightly afraid by the intensity of those eyes, and shivered involuntarily.

He stopped only a foot away from me, and all of a sudden his hand was lightly caressing my cheek. He gazed down at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, and I knew I was lost. Before I could even react, he stepped closer to me and cupped my face with his hands. I could read his every feeling from his eyes - admiration, desire, determination, fear. I watched him for a few moments, observing the battle that was going on inside his head. Then something seemed to give way inside of him. I can't explain it, but all of a sudden he was freer. Before I really understood what was happening, Max was kissing me, a kiss that put all others to shame. His touch was so soft and tender, and I found myself putting my arms around his waist, perhaps because he was so warm and comforting, or maybe it was because I suddenly felt the need to hold on to something or I might loose my balance and fall to the ground. I was dizzy and warm, and I was so happy. I pulled him closer to me, and my whole body felt like it was alive and coursing with our energy.

Then he pulled away from me. I wasn't sure what had just happened, or what it all meant, but I knew that kiss wasn't supposed to mean goodbye.

He brushed the hair gently off my face and just looked at me. "I was wrong." His voice was quiet and regretful. "I love you," he said softly, meeting my eyes. My heart leaped, and I couldn't restrain the joyous smile that was creeping onto my face. He had never actually said that before, although somewhere inside of me, I had known it forever. I didn't trust myself to reply, and could only watch his mouth pull into a secret smile as he traced my jawline with his fingertips. "I don't want to be scared anymore," he said in a whisper. He met my eyes, and the little spark traveled through my body.

"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice shaking. I was afraid of his answer, while at the same time I was already rejoicing.

"I don't care if it's dangerous." He gulped, and glanced away from me. When he looked up at me again, the little shockwaves of electricity coursed through me, and he must have felt them too, because he looked at me with renewed wonderment. "I want to be with you. I want to try this again." His eyes clouded a little bit, and he studied my face.

"That is, if you still..."

Before he could finish his sentence I pulled his face down to my own and kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck. He smiled against my mouth, and pulled me closer to him. His hands rested comfortably on my hips, but soon his arms tightened around me and traveled up and down my back, making me tingle with happiness. After a minute of heaven in Max's arms, we broke the kiss, but left our foreheads touching. We watched each other breathe quickly, both of us smiling uncontrollably.

"Harvard's going to be great," I said breathlessly.

"Yeah, it is," he whispered back.

"This is like a dream," I said, running my hands over his strong shoulders. I could hear his heart beating so close to mine, and I was warmed by the heat that radiated off of him. Ever since he had saved my life in the Crashdown that day, this was what I had dreamed of.

"How am I going to study for finals with you around?" Max said playfully, a rare smile lighting up his face.

I laughed and kissed him again. He enveloped me in his arms and held me tight, an unspoken promise that he would never let go.

The stars were shining brightly that night, contrasted starkly against the black sky. All the constellations were clearly visible, and the mysterious v-shaped one was especially illuminated, each individual star twinkling with a secret message begging to be revealed. I might have seen the faint outline of the milky way amid the millions of individual solar systems floating in the heavens, if I had been looking. But I had found my own heaven, and the only stars I saw were the ones reflected in Max's eyes.

The End

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