Ways to Survive School as a

...as a "Phile":

2. Get two of your best friends together, go on the internet and nitpick the scientific inaccuracies of Earth 2.

3. Create your own underground X-Files division complete with I.D. badge and squirt gun. Your mission: Expose the truth about "The Faculty".

4. While using your microscope in Biology, claim to have found evidence of a massive infection. Warn classmates that this could be "the plauge to end all plauges." See how many you can acutally convince.

5. When ever you find a dead lab rat, fish, ect... Do an autopsy. Phone your best friend and tell them what you found out. Don't be surprised if it dissepears under mysterious cicrumstances.

6. Consult with "the seceret student body" on what to do about the Unidentified Food Object (U.F.O.) that was found in the lunch today.

7. When the office asks you why you were absent, tell them that you were abducted by aliens over the weekend and had to get the implant removed. Make a fake scar on your neck to show them. (If possible bring a "Pet Microchip" with you in a glass vial.)

8. When asked to show your I.D., show your badge then say, "Oops," and bring out your student I.D.

9. Go through the kitchen looking for "Nature's Best" products.

10. If there's a bee in the classroom ask your classmates if they remember what you said about "the plauge" and nod meaningfully towards the bee. Back slowly towards the door, turn and run. (Bonus points if anyone follows who is NOT trying to catch you!)

...as a "Warrior"

1. When your teacher gives you an answer you don't expect say; "That's not true! That's impossible!!" Then run (or better yet, through yourself down the nearest bottomless shaft.) if he/she says "Search your feelings, you KNOW it to be true!!"

2. Get your friends together to play sabac in your free time.

3. Build a lightsaber for your science project.

4. See how long your physics teacher going on what the "force" really is... (F=MA vs. THE force.)

5. Set up a band in the lunchroom to play, "Tatoonie Blues"

6. See if you can use the force in Gym to make the basketball go into the hoop.

7. Whenever the principal appears hum the Imperial March (aka Darth Vaders theme.)

8. When your teacher calls your name, respond: "What is thy bidding? My master."

9. When your teacher asks you to name a battle of the Civil War, say: "Battle of Endor!" (or your choice.)

10. Durring a locker check say: "Unexpected this is, and unforutnate."

...as a "Trekkie"

1. If your school has security gaurds in it, check the color of their shirts. If it's red: Program 911 into a speed dialer and keep a First Aid kit in your locker. You KNOW you're gonna need it.

2. Do Data's "This (food, drink) has produced an emotional response..." skit. With the Cafeteria food. Charge addmission.

3. If the band is really bad, ask them to stop playing 'cause "Your ears canna stand the strain!" Make sure you have a good life insurrence policy.

4. Try to carve the Enterprise (of your choosing) out of vegetables in Home Ec. Like those fancy restaraunts.

5. Pretend your from the 24th century. Claim that everyday objects haven't been used since...

6. Do your history report on James T. Kirk.

7. When your teacher asks you to stop playing with your calculator, tell him/her that it's a tricorder and you're scanning for trilithium.

8. Durring computer class try to voice interface with the computer. If somebody points to the mouse, use it as a microphone to the computer. (See Scotty in Star Trek IV.)

9. Ask the Navy representors if you can serve aboard the Enterprise in exchange for joining.

10. Demand to know why Klingon isn't taught as a foriegn language.

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