KAM TO THE RESCUE?

Sharp lilac eyes glinted with evil intent as they surveyed the scene
before them. If the being had a visible face, it would have been
grinning. They darted back and forth, up and down, following
something closely that was a short way below him, until the eyes
stopped. His prey was still.

Below the eager eyes was a pixie, unaware that it had attracted such
ominous attention. The eyes couldn't see what it was doing exactly,
but all he needed to know was whether it was in range or not.
Creeping slowly from his shadowed concealment with remarkable
agility, the hunter moved slowly down the large branch that had been
his hiding place for the better part of an hour. Black and silver
armour sparkled in the early morning sunlight as he emerged,
unhooking an evil looking metal whip from his side as he went. It
unravelled slowly so as not to disturb his prey, a heavy barbed tip
revealing itself at the end of the weapon.

The hunter moved further down the branch until he was completely free
of his hideout. He was a strange being with hair down to his
shoulders and the same shade of lilac as his eyes. Large black wings
protruded from his back, leathery like a dragon's with red veins
running through them. The eager look on his young features was enough
to tell others of his excitement as he readied his whip to strike.
Waiting a few more seconds to see if the pixie would move, Zhyan
Dekodoria lashed out with startling precision, the wicked barb
catching the light as it bore down on the unsuspecting creature.

Without warning, the pixie turned in time to see the assault and with
a slight shriek it dodged to the side, evading the barb completely.
Thrown off balance, Zhyan stepped forward and regretted it
immediately as a sharp crack and violent crash told all of his
descent and landing. Dazed, he pushed himself into a sitting position
before he tried to stand. Regaining his composure, he kicked the
broken branch from him, then realised the white-hot agony that
erupted in his left ankle as he did so. Wincing with every hobbling
step, he searched for his whip.

Looking upwards, he could see something far up the trunk, but
something else caught his eye that was far more appealing. Sitting on
a branch above his head was that damned pixie, giggling
uncontrollably at his misfortune. He narrowed his eyes and reached
behind his back, sliding a dagger silently from its sheath. With a
flick of his wrist, the blade buried itself just below the creature,
which ran away screaming. It just wasn't Zhyan's day. Letting his
temper get the better of him, he turned, punching the tree so hard
that his mail glove tore the bark away like paper. The sound of
rustling leaves drew his gaze upward, only for him to receive his
whip handle first in between the eyes.

"Is he alive?" a concerned female voice inquired, bemused by the
unconscious angel.
"Have you checked his pulse?" a gruff male voice asked his companion.
"I can't find one!" the girl exclaimed. "Look at this."

Cheetara picked up Zhyan's whip, running her fingers over the cool
metal.
"It's almost like mine," Tygra said as he touched his own weapon.
"It's nothing like yours," Cheetara corrected. "This one looks like
it could actually do damage, whereas yours looks like an obscure sex
toy."
Offended by his companion's remark, Tygra took Zhyan's right wing and
started to drag him from the forest.
"Where are you taking him?" Cheetara asked, sheer horror in her tone.
"Back to the lair of course. I want the others to see him before we
bury him," Tygra explained.
"Oh. That's okay then," she said warily. "Although you know what the
doctor said – `you must avoid temptation whenever it arises,' and
this seems like temptation to me!"
"Cheetara! I would never undo my months of therapy. Besides, I've
managed to resist all urges to go to the cemetery, and all those to
go back to Mumm-Ra, so as far as I'm concerned, I'm cured!" Tygra
said, exasperated by the suggestion, although he did give Zhyan a
lingering sidelong glance that took every ounce of willpower to
break. Cheetara's distrust was apparent, but she allowed Tygra to go
ahead with his plan, although her gaze never left him, just in case...

Thinking of all the different kinds of cake in the world and all
those he could create, Kamanchee couldn't help but skip along the
forest path, humming a happy tune as he went. Every now and then, he
stopped to pick berries and herbs, placing them neatly in the wicker
basket he had hanging from his right arm. Pushing through some light
underbrush, a ghastly sight assaulted his vision and he couldn't help
but gasp. His foot hung in the air, not daring to put it down as it
was an inch from a mushroom – a mushroom that was part of a ring!
Holding his breath for some unknown reason, he gingerly tiptoed
around the ring until he was clear of it, allowing him to breathe out
with relief. With that out of the way, he continued his search for
ingredients.

He hadn't gone far when he came to the broken branch accompanied by
deep gouges in the earth where Tygra had dragged Zhyan away. The ever-
curious Kamanchee tutted in disgust at the obvious disregard for
nature and resumed his search of the area. He was just sampling some
strange tasting weed when something sparkly caught his eye. Zhyan's
dagger reflected light like a mirror, so obsessed was he about shiny,
metal objects. Kamanchee pulled the blade out with only slight
difficulty and inspected it thoroughly before he realised he'd seen
it before: it had been thrown at him when he requested an extra batch
of his "secret ingredient" for his cheesecake special. His supplier
hadn't appreciated cake as payment.

A strange feeling crept up on Kamanchee's senses as he looked at the
clear trail left by Zhyan's metal boots. Was this what courage felt
like? He wasn't sure, so he ignored it and followed his blind
curiosity instead. Taking a deep breath, he began to follow the
trail, hiding his precious basket in the underbrush so he could
retrieve it later...

As soon as Tygra and Cheetara returned to the lair, Lion-O told
Cheetara to scout the area for signs of the mutants. He would've done
it himself, but Cheetara was faster and she wasn't leader. She was
far from pleased by this order, as this meant that Tygra would be
left alone with the dead stranger, but an order was an order. Before
she left, she cornered the Snarf and ordered it to watch Tygra, no
matter what. She wasn't gone for long, but even in the space of ten
minutes, the lair had become chaos in her absence. There was no Tygra
and no Snarf. There was, however, Wilykat.

"Where's Snarf?" Cheetara asked the youngster.
"Huh? Oh, Snarf's probably dead by now. Saw Thunderwolf chase him
just after you went," he said nonchalantly.
"Okay then, where's Tygra?" she demanded, fearing the worst.
"He said he was gonna bury the weird human thing," he replied. "Don't
ask me where, I didn't see."

She couldn't help but feel disappointed that Tygra would go back to
his old perverted ways, but then again, a Tygra couldn't change it's
stripes, could it?

***

Zhyan awoke groggily, not registering anything his jumbled senses
were telling him. It was dark, though not completely as some meagre
light filtered in from outside the cell, but it wasn't enough to show
him his surroundings. His forehead ached, but not as much as his
ankle as it had swollen so much that he actually thought his boot
would burst open. It was only when he tried to reach his injured limb
when he realised his arms were shackled. Panic ripped through him as
he thrashed around, trying to pull his arms free, but eventually he
had to give up through fear of tearing his arms off.

"Damn those pixies," he said to himself. It was normal for him to
blame the pixies for everything, as it gave him an excuse to harass
them on a regular basis. He shifted uncomfortably as his armour
chafed his skin; how he longed for a change of clothes!

As his thoughts drifted gently down this path of false contentment,
footsteps echoed down the corridor and came to a stop outside Zhyan's
cell. Zhyan's thoughts did a complete U-turn, immediately hating
whoever was the other side of the door. After a few minutes, Zhyan's
ire diminished, turning from raw fury to annoyed curiosity as the
figure outside continued to fumble with the keys. The door finally
opened inwards as Tygra backed into the cell, pulling a trolley laden
with god-knows-what. Zhyan cocked his head to the side to try and see
what was on it, but could see nothing.

Clearing his throat, he said, "What do you plan to do with me?"
Tygra nearly left the ground in fright as he turned slowly to look at
the angel. Zhyan's eyes widened in shock and icy terror as Tygra
faced him, torch in one hand and Zhyan's whip in the other.

The Thundercat stood before him, dressed in a black leather gimp suit
with the nipples cut out and a removable panel over the groin, as
well as a black mask in the shape of a cat's face.

"Oh god..." Zhyan said, his face drained of colour as his imagination
ran riot in his head. Tygra dropped the whip and nearly lost the
torch as he backed into the trolley, nearly knocking it over,
terrified of this living witness to his perverted obsession.

"Y...you're...DEAD!" he screamed before he dropped the torch and
bolted from the tiny cell, leaving Zhyan to stare at the now
illuminated sex toy trolley. The angel shuddered and squeezed his
eyes shut, trying to vanquish the horrific sight of the leather bound
Tygra. There was no way that this was the work of the pixies!

Tygra ran screaming through out the lair, babbling about talking
corpses, as RD and his manic assistant, LD, were setting out on a
hunting trip. As they headed for the exit, RD held out his hand and
said, "elephant gun!"
LD rushed to his dictator's side and handed him the evil looking
weapon and said, "check."
RD held out his other hand. "Ammo!"
LD rushed to him again and slapped a box of ammo in his open
palm. "Check."

RD stopped dead as Tygra rushed up the corridor and tried to open one
of the many doors that lined it. Grinning ominously, RD positioned
himself like a golfer, shuffling his feet and holding the huge gun
downwards.
"FORE!" he screamed as he brought the weapon back. Tygra turned in
time to see the dictator swing the gun down and forward, pulling the
trigger as soon as it levelled itself at Tygra's head. If it weren't
for the kitty mask, his expression would have been priceless. The now
headless Tygra was catapulted from the corridor, into the chamber
beyond.

"Good shot," LD praised obediently as he followed his dictator to the
fresh kill.
"Hmm. Is it just me, or do these Tygras just get stranger?" the evil
RD remarked, referring to the gimp suit as he stepped over the
corpse. "Take it to the skinning room and leave some space. There's
plenty more where that came from." He rested the huge elephant gun on
his shoulder and continued to his original destination, laughing
maniacally as he went, leaving his assistant to remove the body.

***

Kamanchee wandered through the lair, following the deep scores in the
stone floor, wondering where they would lead. Bent double so he could
see the lines clearly, he absent-mindedly reached into his pocket and
pulled out a large muffin. Stuffing it in his mouth as though he
hadn't eaten in weeks, he didn't notice the person standing in front
of him. He nearly choked on the cake as he collided with Peachyra,
nearly knocking her to the ground. Nearly choking in surprise,
Kamanchee looked up at her with watery eyes as he tried to breathe.

"What are you doing?" she demanded as she put her hands on her hips.
"Er...nothing, really," he replied, a little embarrassed.
"You're up to something, I can tell!" Peachyra said accusingly.
"Me? Up to something? Not me, I'm a good boy," Kamanchee said
hurriedly, trying not to seem suspicious and failing miserably.
"Well, never mind. I don't really want to know what you're up to,
since it probably involves cake or something. Just look where you're
going next time," she chided. Kamanchee nodded, trying to appease her
so she'd leave him to his tracking. When she'd gone, he resumed his
mission, following the trail to the deepest, darkest and most
probably forgotten parts of the cat's lair, still wondering what he
might find...

Little feet echoed down the dark corridor, moving with serious
intent. Zhyan's cell door was still wide open, letting in what meagre
light was available, although the angel had decided to nap for a
while, regaining his energy should Tygra return. The owner of the
little feet entered unnoticed, taking a close interest in the angel's
whip. Zhyan stirred, his uncomfortable disposition rousing him as he
tried to change positions, but decided he'd never be comfortable and
let his head fall on his chest. The stray pixie froze until his foe
settled once more before he continued to play amongst the toys Tygra
had left behind. Unfortunately, he strayed to close to the slumbering
pixie-hunter. Before the unsuspecting creature knew his mistake,
Zhyan slammed his foot down, pinning his prey under his hefty boot.

"Well, well. Thought you could sneak up on me, eh?" he said evilly,
revelling in the pixie's distress. He thought for a second, realising
this being could be useful. "Do you want to live?"
The pixie nodded its head frantically.
"Good. Now, I'm going to lift my foot, and when I do, you're not
gonna run, are you?" Zhyan said. The pixie nodded again. "If you run,
I'll smite you before you pass the threshold…"

Slowly, he lifted his boot, and the pixie did as he was told. `Hmm, a
good start,' he thought as the pixie picked himself up. It wasn't
often when he found a naturally obedient one.

"Now, I want you to drag that whip over here," he said, noting the
creature's incredulous look. "I know you can do it, so don't play
dumb."

It ran over to the whip again, picked up the handle with one hand and
dragged it over, climbed up the angel's armour and placed it in his
hand. Zhyan let it slide down through his fist until the barb was
between his fingers, allowing him to start sawing through the rusty
shackles. It wasn't long before one hand was free.

***

Kam followed the scratch lines; deeper and deeper into the Cat's Lair
he went. It began to get darker as the torches were placed further
apart, so he took the next one he came across. Holding it to the
floor, trying not to burn his face off as he went, he continued his
journey. He hadn't gone far when he thought he could here gunfire in
the distance, striking fearful curiosity in his heart. Picking up the
pace, he came to a bend in the corridor; the chamber beyond deafening
with the deranged music of war. Peering around the corner, his eyes
widened in fright as he pulled his head back to safety as a stray
grenade nearly blew his face off, taking the corner of the wall with
it. Heart pumping furiously, Kam pressed himself against the stone,
wondering how he would get passed without losing another host body,
when the gun-fire stopped.

"No, no, no, NO!" someone screamed. "You are supposed to DIE!"
"I thought Fianna was going to die next," came the reply.
"Fianna is supposed to die AFTER you! You should die NOW!"

Bemused, Kam peered around the corner again to see Shark wearing a
black and white striped shirt with a black beret perched on his head,
shouting at everyone through a megaphone. Benni stood by, holding a
machine gun and looking confused while Fianna leaned against a wall,
playing with his helmet.

"Do you have ANY idea how much this production is COSTING me?! Well?"
Shark bellowed into the megaphone, making Benni rock back on her
heels.
On the floor, amongst gallons of fake blood and many plastic body
parts, TT looked up and cleared her throat. "Uh, mister director? I
have a question…" she said, trying to take Shark's attention away
from Benni who looked dazed.
An impatient look passed over Shark's features as he took a deep
breath. "You are DEAD! Dead people don't ask QUESTIONS!!!" he
screamed. "Now, let's continue and let's get it right."

TT shot him a deadly glare before resuming her position with the rest
of the dead, which included Panthro and Ayanna, who had to be knocked
out just so she stayed still. Before Shark could continue filming,
Dirka appeared wearing greasy black war paint and a tiny green
bandanna, with a small oozie slung casually over one shoulder.
"Where do you want me to go?" she asked, floating above Shark's head.
"Anywhere," he said quietly before he lifted the megaphone and
said, "EXCEPT IN MY SHOT!"

Dirka was sent spinning away with a yelp, giving Kam the cue to get
past while he could. He watched for a little while longer, musing
over Tygris' skill with the camera, keeping up with all the chaotic
action. Still, Kam had a trail to follow, so he wandered off, humming
his mindless tune.

***

Hobbling down the corridor, not having a clue where he was going,
Zhyan tried to get as far from his cell as possible. The unusually
helpful pixie followed close behind him, which the angel found a
little unnerving, but easily ignored. The corridor wasn't a long one,
which pleased him greatly as it gave him a chance to rest his ankle,
or at least it would've done had it opened out into a deserted room.

It was a high chamber that was brightly lit, illuminating all aspects
of the strange Aztec designs on the walls. A huge altar was placed in
the centre on a dais, with a ceremonial dagger on its surface. Zhyan
didn't need two guesses to know what it was for. The huge doors
behind him slammed shut, making him jump as he turned to see Spark
moving towards him.

"Ah, a newbie," she said, looking him up and down. "Welcome to my
temple."
"Temple? It's a room in a dungeon," he replied, stating the obvious.
Spark narrowed her eyes. "It's still a temple; to the great Imohtep!"
"I see..." Zhyan said as he looked around for an exit. "Er, you
wouldn't happen to know where I am, would you?"
"I told you. The Temple of Imohtep."
"No, I mean, who's dungeon have I been prisoner of?"
"Ah, this dungeon is in the depths of Cat's Lair. You were prisoner?"
she inquired gently, offering him a seat.
He sat down gratefully, taking his boot off and starting massaging
his ankle. "One minute I was hunting pixies, the next minute I'm
waking up to see Tygra..." he began before Spark cut him off.
"Tygra? Say no more; we know what he's like. He didn't... you know?
Er... do anything to you?" she asked, trying not to ask directly.
"No, thank heavens!" Zhyan shuddered at the thought. "He ran off."
"That's good. You know, he had therapy, but everyone knows you can't
change a Tygra's nature. Tea?" she offered, moving over to a small
kettle.
"Um, I really should be going," he said, putting his boot back
on. "I've got so much to do in so little time. It was a pleasure
meeting you."

Before anyone could say a thing, a tall figure in a black cape hit
Spark with a club, knocking her unconscious. Zhyan reached for his
whip, but the figure was too quick, treating him to the same fate as
the Aztec. The creature's maniacal laughter echoed through the halls
as he collected the two bodies, carrying them away.

***

Kam was inspecting Zhyan's empty cell when the laughter reached his
ears, stopping his humming immediately. His curiosity took over once
more, taking him further down the corridor to the huge doors.
Pressing his ear to the cold stone, he could just make out someone
muttering to himself. The strange urge to be brave assaulted Kam once
more, only this time he obeyed it. Taking a deep breath, he pushed
the heavy doors open to see Zhyan and Spark tied to the altar, the
strange black clad figure about to bring down the ceremonial dagger.

"Hey! What're you doing?" Kam said, jogging over to the dais.
"CUT!!!" Shark cried, nearly bursting everyone's eardrums.
The black figure pulled his hood back to reveal Chanur, thankful for
the break. Kam looked around to see Shark sitting behind the hani
with Tygris, giving Kam a glare that could melt stone.

Confused, Kam said, "weren't you way back there a moment ago?"
Shark's gaze followed Kam's pointing finger and replied, "a moment is
a lifetime when you're SHOOTING A MOVIE!"

Kam rocked back on his heels, before he advanced on the altar. Spark
opened her eyes and looked around, trying to comprehend what was
going on, while Zhyan moaned slightly.
"My head," they both said together.
"Uh, I'll cut you loose, shall I?" Chanur said, not wanting to incur
the wrath of an infuriated Aztec.

Kam inspected Zhyan as he pushed himself up on his elbows, slight
recognition showing in his eyes.
"Zhyan!" Kam exclaimed, fetching the angel's dagger from his belt.

Zhyan looked at him for the first time. "Kam?" he said in disbelief,
taking his weapon from him. Kam helped him up, letting the angel use
him to steady himself.
"You know these people?" Zhyan asked him incredulously, indicating
everyone in the room. Kam smiled proudly. "Well, it doesn't matter.
Help me get outta here. I have a tight schedule to keep."

Zhyan put his hand on Kam's shoulder as he began to hop from the
strange movie set, when Spark called to him.
"Wait! Maybe you'd like to come to dinner some time. I have a
delightful recipe for Shark steaks," she said sweetly, letting her
gaze linger on the bossy director.
Zhyan grinned. "Is tomorrow okay?"
"Perfect. Dinner will be ready at eight," Spark said with a
smile. "The steaks will be fresh."

Zhyan and Kam left Spark in the temple, who was advancing evilly upon
the unsuspecting Shark. The two friends followed the corridors back
the way Kam had come, leaving Zhyan enough time to recount his tale
to the virus; his new pixie helper, who he'd named Dave, tagging
along behind. Before they reached the Lair's entrance, Zhyan stopped
dead, his hand going straight for his whip.
"Pixie?" Kam whispered quietly.
Zhyan shook his head. "No, something better."

Tygra appeared in the corridor, looking around in case RD was about,
to come face to face with the angel. As he turned and run, Zhyan
jumped on Kam's back and cried, "MUSH!"
"What're you doing?" Kam demanded, not understanding.
"I can't run, and that Tygra needs to die. Comprende?" Zhyan said
quickly, kicking Kam in the side. "Don't make me whip you..."

And so, the sight of Tygra running from a manic archangel who was
shouting and swinging his whip whilst riding poor Kam like a pony,
with Dave the pixie skipping close behind, stained everyone's
thoughts for many days like blackcurrant on a cream carpet. Cheetara
saw the amusing farce and just smiled, pleased that her deranged
Thundercat companion was getting his just desserts. The other pixies
merely watched and giggled as they watched their hunter chase down
new prey, knowing they would be safe... at least for now.