My period finally started. I know some of you may be wincing at reading this opening line, but....hey...this is MY journal and I've gotta write what I think is important to keep me accountable. The reason I find it noteworthy to mention the time of month is because the sugar cravings have FINALLY stopped. Gads. I ate some more things yesterday I shouldn't have. Last night I ate a pancake and John said one thing to me: "Two O'Six." He was referring to my weight. He knew I weighed in at 205 yesterday morning and he knows how important reaching my goal is to me and he just gently reminded me that I can be right back to where I was in short order if I don't get a handle on things. So I went and brushed my teeth and went to bed. I'm glad he said it. I'm right back on track this morning. Sunday is my weigh-in day and I hope to report a loss...perhaps not a huge one, but a loss nonetheless. Until then...
352 / 205 / 190
Sunday, 09-07-03
Last week was a good week. I upped my vegetables considerably. I ate lots of spinach (from the can) and green beans (again, from the can). I also had more salads than I usually do. My salads are very boring. They consist of iceberg lettuce and a smattering of shredded colby cheese, topped with a few tablespoons of Ranch dressing (full fat). Come to think of it, I also upped my protein consumption a tad, making sure that I ate meats from their natural state (I grilled all of it). I even had snacks about three times last week around 8:00pm. Most times it was a half of a sliced cucumber loaded with pepper (yum!), and a few times it was four slices (ounces) of swiss cheese wrapped in very thing slices of hard salami. I drank more liquid last week than usual, also. Sometimes I forget to add fat to my meals and last week was no exception. Sometimes I have to force myself to remember to put butter on my green beans or have a dollop of mayo on my hamburgers.
I am very proud to report that I now weigh 202, so that's 3 pounds down from last week. I'm fast approaching my dreaded "set point" of 200. It's been my experience that my body tends to hold to that number for some idiotic reason. My goal for next week is to weigh 199 and I hope that it happens.
I've also been toying with the idea of adding in some blueberries this coming week. Dr. Atkins' carbohydrate counter states that 1 cup has 22 grams of carbs. Another carb counter says there's 14 in 1 cup. I'm afraid that just the sweet taste of them may set off an eating binge. We'll see.
352 / 202 / 190
Sunday, 09-14-03
This past week was a complete wash for me. I ate the blueberries mentioned in my last past and they did, indeed, set off a binge for sugar. I imbibed in the No Sugar Added ice cream and other things full of sugar....not one, but two, days. I'm up two pounds for this week. It would be mighty convenient to blame it on PMS since it's two weeks before my period, but that would be an outright lie. That won't happen until next week. It also would be convenient to say that it's because I'm reaching my set point of 200. Again, a lie.
It's ugly to face the truth sometimes, but I must. The whole point of this web site and journal is to hold myself accountable, so I am. I've been sugar-free and low carb treat-free since Friday. I hope to report by next Sunday that I made it the entire week without slipping.
If I don't, someone please e-mail me and kick my butt. I've come too far and am too close to getting out of the 200's to blow it now.
352 / 204 / 190
Monday, 09-15-03
I fought sugar cravings yesterday like you wouldn't believe! I am truly a carb/sugar addict. The NSA (no sugar added) ice cream was calling my name, as were the chocolate cupcakes sitting on the counter which I had made for the family. I had on on-going debate in my head the majority of the day about "to eat...or not to eat?" Instead, I was grouchy and ate legal things. This morning I'm glad that I did because I weighed when I got up at 5:30am and I'm at 202. Once again, it's a wonderful feeling when I face the morning and know that I didn't cave the night before. When I went to bed last night I looked at John and said: "I made it through two whole days without eating what I shouldn't. I'm taking it one day at a time."
I know that it will just get easier from here. I also know that by Thursday or Friday I'll be facing the same cravings. I'm stronger than that food. I can do this. I can make it into the 100's!
PS: Thanks for the e-mails from certain individuals, kicking my butt back to where I'm supposed to be. You've helped more than you'll know!
352 / 202 / 190
Sunday, 09-21-03
One week before my period and I am fighting emotional eating and sugar cravings. I ate things I shouldn't have yesterday. I broke down and sobbed yesterday for reasons I won't explicate presently. It's been quite a while since that has happened to me. I searched for comfort with food for just a little while. Because of it, I'm only down 1 pound this week. I cannot sit here and journal for all of the world to see just WHY I did what I did. Perhaps I will be able to write it all down next week. Just now, however, I'm too close to the trees, so I cannot see the forest.
Tomorrow will be better. Hell...today will be better. I'll make it so.
352 / 201 / 190