3 April 2004 (Saturday)

Today is Qing Ming. I was woken up by mom at 5:45am and was out of the house by 6am. In a semi-awake state, I managed to wash up, hunt for my jeans and t shirt in the cupboard and down a cup of fiber drink.

We went to the cemetery with another two aunts, one being the only person amongst us who is knowledgeable about the rituals and taboos for appeasing the ancestors. At 6:20am, it was bright enough but not hot. We were to go to my great-grandmother's grave and burn incense for her, my grandpa and grandma.

Like all other Chinese cemeteries, the one we went to sprawled over a number of hills. Chinese people believe that the higher your grave is situated, the nearer to Heaven you are. The terrain was covered with cement tombstones, and the dried grass crackled under our shoes as we climbed up to look for great-grandma's grave. The smell of incense and smoke permeated the air.

The thing I don't like about Chinese cemeteries is that there is no order in the grave plots. Where there is space, that's where you allocate it. There are no steps either, so to get up the hill you have to step on other people's graves O_o My mom said grandpa taught her to say "Jia guo", meaning "excuse me" when stepping on other graves. I didn't say it out loud, but in my heart I said sorry whenever I stepped on one.

I saw big and elaborate tombstones, which only the affluent could afford, simpler ones, and small ones for young children. Most of the tombstones were old, some even older with faded characters and crumbling cement, others more recent with coloured tiles. I even saw one that was made out of a single plank, but a big Chinese family came to clear it and make offerings. At first we went to the wrong tomb because my younger aunt couldn't remember the exact location :P But we finally found it, it wasn't too far, so we got down to work.

We cleared away the dead vegetation, soil and empty snail shells, then laid out food offerings at the foot of the tombstone. My older aunt cooked a whole chicken, two fish in tomato sauce, a pork dish and rice, all neatly packed in disposable containers. She set three containers of rice directly in front of the tombstone, for my great-grandma, grandpa and grandma. She also set three cups of wine and three cups of tea for them. A cake, sweet biscuits and candy was also laid out. There was a little tombstone on the left, and buns, biscuits, candy, tea and wine was also offered to it. My younger aunt told me that's that's the guardian of the tomb, and offerings also have to be made to it.

Incense was lit and placed in front of my grandma's tomb and the little one. My older aunt lit joss sticks and all of us stuck it in the earth in front of the tombstones. I hated the smell of incense, it made my nose itch terribly. After that, my older aunt stood in front of the tombs with hands together and prayed, as the ash from the incense fell in flakes on the food that was laid out.

I was silently praying to God that my grandparents are well in heaven, and that my prayers can drown out my older aunt's. I didn't know why we were going through this ritual of burning incense since both my grandparents were Christians and we don't believe in praying to ancestors. Even my younger aunt expressed that her pastor would say something if he saw her doing this :P

We burnt brown and colourful paper, "hell money", gold and silver paper which is "gold" for the other world, paper "clothes" which included a shirt and tie for grandpa and blouses for grandma. The items that made my mom, my younger aunt and I chuckle was when we found a paper set that had a handphone, pen, "Rolex" watch, and an "Other World Bank" credit card! The credit card looked very much like an American Express credit card too. All that was also burned.

My eyes stung from all the smoke, but finally everything was burned and we left to have breakfast. We have done our duty of honouring the dead, now it's time to continue on in life.

Hairy Story >> Qing Ming