OF MAN AND WOMAN
by
Sant Ajaib Singh Ji
May 27, 1977,
Sant Bani Ashram
Sanbornton, New Hampshire
She is called someone's wife, but she sleeps with others;
How can she please her husband when her lover is always in
her mind?
Ever since creation began God has sent Rishis, Munis, Mahatmas and
Saints to this world to determine our limits and to establish our
traditions. God sent those Rishis and Munis in order to check the spread of
corruption and to try to help everybody in this world to remain in bliss.
They were sent to teach us how to live in this world and how to deal with
it. When They came, They taught us who our mother is-that woman
from whose womb we are born; who our father is; who our brothers and
sisters are-those who take birth with us; who our aunt is; and all our
relations. They told us that the companion whom we take with many
people as witnesses, that is our husband or wife. They made a law to
maintain that relationship and They told us that if we do not maintain
that law we will not be understood as good either in the eyes of God or in
the eyes of the world.
In the beginning, you see, as the parents were bringing up their
children, they were having good thoughts and they were good. They
were begetting their children with good thoughts, and they were happy;
and the children who were coming in their family were also good. Master
Sawan Singh Ji used to say that the parents who want their children to be
good should first become good. Parents have much effect on their
children.
The Mahatmas told us about the relationship of man and woman.
They told us that this is a very subtle and complicated relationship, and
we have to maintain it throughout our life. There was one time, when the
husband was dying, the wife was not looking for any other man; she was
ready to burn herself on the funeral pyre of her husband. But now that
time has passed and we have crossed all the limits, and you can see how
we are wandering here and there without any reins. The husband is not
respecting or worried about his wife, and the children are not even
worried about their parents. Now we have made a new rite or ritual:
breaking of marriage. Think over this matter especially: the thoughts which
you are having and the deeds which you are doing, what effect will that
have on your children? When the husband leaves his wife, either the wife
alone has to take care of the children or the husband alone has to take
care of them, and how they are suffering! You can just think patiently:
What will happen to your children if they also have to face this situation?
Hazur Maharaj Kirpal Singh Ji was not happy with divorce. He used
to say that if a human being cannot maintain love with another human
being, how can he maintain that love with God? In India it is the tradi-
tion that the parents arrange the marriages of their children and they
themselves choose their companions; people obey that strictly and in
that kind of marriage there is no question of divorce. In all Rajasthan
you will not find any lawsuit between husband and wife, or any case of
divorce. The women understand as their dharma or religious duty, that
once they get married, only that man is their husband; all other men are
thought of as their brothers. Similarly, the man also follows these things
strictly. He understands that woman as his wife with whom he is married.
All other women are his sisters or his mothers. In Rajasthan you will
find that old ladies, if they are walking on the street and find a man
coming from the other side, they will not allow that man's shadow to fall
on their body. They will stand to one side until he has passed.
To make our outer life disciplined proves very good for our meditation.
Guru Nanak says that it is a very great sin to look with your eyes to
any other woman. The relationship of husband and wife is very profound,
and we have taken on that relationship to carry on this worldly life
smoothly. But after some time, because we do not control our mind,
either the man breaks the marriage or the woman takes steps in that
direction. And then it is a pity that we say that we do not see anything
inside! How can we see anything inside, even if we close our eyes and sit
for long hours, if we have not made our outer life pure? If it is very
difficult to maintain love with one man in this life, then how much more
difficult, is it to love many people at one time? This Satsang is not f
or men only or women only; it is for everybody. Kabir says that we are
called someone's wife, but we are sleeping with another man. How can our
husband be pleased with us if we allow many other men to dwell in our
heart? This thing applies in Sant Mat also. When we are sitting for
meditation and allowing many worldly thoughts to come into our mind,
that means we are committing adultery.
The woman fixes the bed but in her mind is a veil;
She gives her body but not her mind, and always lives
like a widow.
Now Kabir says that people are getting married, they are making
promises to love each other, and they enjoy, and they sleep in one bed.
They are giving their bodies to each other, but they are not giving their
minds. And because they are not giving their minds to each other, they
are always suffering. Hazur Maharaj Sawan Singh Ji was giving Satsang
and Mastana Ji asked Him, if a disciple becomes absorbed in the Shab-
da, what should he sacrifice for his guru? Master Sawan Singh replied
that he should sacrifice his mind for his guru. Then He said, "It is not
easy to give the mind. A woman can give her body to her husband, but
she can never give her mind to her husband." We are like dead bodies in
front of our mind. Whatever our mind wants us to do, we do it. Obeying
the mind, we are eating meat and drinking wine and committing
adultery. Whatever our mind wants us to do, we do it.
O Kabir, we didn't give our mind, but only our body;
The All-Conscious One knows all, even if we tell Him
otherwise.
Kabir Sahib says that when we take Naam initiation, we tell our Master,
"Now we are Yours." We say, "We have given our mind to You." Our
Master, Who is sitting within us, wants us to be happy, and so He says,
"All right, whatever you say, I accept." But He is All-Conscious; He is
almighty; He knows everything that is in our heart; He knows whether
we have given our mind to Him or not. Outwardly, He will never say,
"No, you have not given your mind"; He will say, "All right, whatever
you say is true." Giving up our mind is not an easy task. Kabir Sahib
says that all the people are dead bodies against their minds and only the
sadhu is a dead body against the Master. The dead body will do whatever
its Master will tell him to do.
A woman uses sixteen kinds of make-up and makes her body
and mind ready;
What is the use of doing that if her husband doesn't like it?
Now Kabir Sahib says that if a woman uses sixteen kinds of make-up and
wears many jewels and ornaments, but her husband is not pleased with
her, then what is the use of doing all that?
Even if one repeats Naam with tongue,
And day and night remains in the company of Sadhus -
I'm telling such an atheist she won't get the color.
Now Kabir Sahib gives a very beautiful example. He says that days and
nights we are remaining in the company of the Sadhu, we are attending
Satsang, but that which requires control-the mind-we are not bring-
ing to the Master and to Satsang. No doubt we bring our body; but the
mind is always wandering here and there. He says, In that state how can
your mind be dyed in the color of Naam? Our mind is not becoming still
because it is very swift like the horse. Even if you close that mind,
if you lock it up in dark cells, still, if you introspect it carefully,
you will find that your mind is wandering very far in this world.
Mind is given elsewhere, body is with the Sadhus.
Kabir says, "Such a cloth cannot receive color."
Now Kabir Sahib says that you have given your mind to someone else
and you are keeping your body with the Sadhu. How can your mind be
dyed in His color that way? Even if we spend all our life in Satsang,
still our mind would not get His color. We should bring our mind also
to Satsang, with the same love with which we bring our body there.
Whatever is said in Satsang, we should tell it to our mind: "This is for
you, and the Satsang is for you." What is said in Satsang is everything
regarding the mind.
For prostitutes and pleasure-giving songs, one stays up all
night.
He eats good food but doesn't remember the guru.
Now Kabir Sahib says that if we are to sing, dance, or enjoy in any other
way in the night time, or if any dancer or prostitute is there, we will
not feel sleepy or bored. But if we go to the Satsang of any Mahatma, our
mind will not be there, and our body will also make excuses. It will feel
sleepy and have pain, and will prevent us from sitting in His Satsang.
One Mahatma says that if dancing or merrymaking is going on, mind
finds interest; but when the time for Satsang comes, people yawn, and
mind feels bored and becomes sad.
The unchaste woman remains alert twenty-four hours a day;
Kabir says, How can her husband be pleased if she is not loyal
to him?
Now Kabir Sahib says that people who have the habit of committing
adultery - it doesn't matter whether it is man or woman - will always try
to find an excuse or a way through which they can commit that evil. Now
you can think: How can their husbands or wives be pleased with such
people? There is no greater sin than adultery - for man or woman. In the
Silver Age there was one Ravana who was a very learned man, but,
because he tried to commit adultery with Sita, the wife of Lord Rama,
he was cursed. Even now the Hindu people have not forgotten that curse
and still blame him; once a year they burn him in effigy.
Kabir says, If knowingly a woman commits adultery,
The Great Lord will not respect her.
Now Kabir Sahib says that if any woman is committing adultery, even if
she is doing much meditation, still God will not be pleased with her. God
has given us the knowledge of the limits of this world. In the beginning I
said that he sent Rishis and Munis to set the limits of this world and teach
them to us. So, if we break the limits made by God, and obey our mind,
God will not forgive us.
The body and mind are not in control of the unchaste woman;
Kabir says, Without loyalty to her husband the woman finishes
herself.
Kabir Sahib says that by enjoying lust, we cannot be satisfied. The more
we do it, the more we want it. It is just like putting wood into the fire:
the more we put in, the more the fire burns. The more lust we enjoy, the
thinner our vital fluid or semen will become; and in that way you will
ruin your body. And when you go to the court of God, what will you
take there?
Kabir Sahib says that the unchaste man cannot do bhakti or devotion
because he is always full of doubts. How can the unchaste man do
bhakti? He is always feeling guilty and that keeps doubt in his mind.
Kabir Sahib puts it this strongly: Unchaste people have spoiled the name
of devotion. You can see how people, because of worldly pleasures and
indulging with another woman, have ruined their lives. How can that
man cross the river who has put his feet into two boats? This is what the
unchaste people are doing. One foot is on the unchaste deeds and the
other is on their meditation.
This is very precious fluid in our body, and when we lose it, the light
in our forehead goes away. Then we cry and repent, but we cannot regain
that once we have lost it. Only he can sit for five or six hours
continuously, keeping his spine straight, who has stored this precious jewel
in his body. Now in Satsang we cannot even sit for one hour. Sometimes we
move our leg, sometimes our neck. Why? Because we are lacking in this.
Otherwise the satsangi, if he has to sit only for one hour, would remain
in whatever position he sat in the beginning.
Similarly when we are sitting for meditation and sitting accurately,
and if we have appreciated this precious jewel in our body, and have kept
it, we will not be aware of the time. What is the question of one hour? As
soon as you sit, your soul will go right up and you will not be aware of
the time. The Kamdev or god of lust says that anyone who is not mis-
using him will be respected by the three Gods (Brahma, Vishnu and
Shiva).
O Kabir, coming into this world, one has made many friends.
But those who are attached to only one heart sleep worryless.
Kabir Sahib says that if after coming into this world a man makes many
friends and companions, he will not be happy; but if he makes only one
friend, he can sleep peacefully and lead his life very happily. Similarly,
if after coming into this world we worship more than one Master, if we
worship many gods and goddesses, if we are dealing with more than one
Master, then we do not enjoy this life very much, because in that way we
cannot find peace.
* * *
This letter was written by Sant Ji on April 19, 1977.
My Satguru Kirpal's Beloved Dear ---
I have received three letters from - and feel very sorry for him. In this
letter I would like to tell you some things which might help dear - and
you in your present sorrowful condition. We are all Beloved Hazur Kirpal's
children. He has united the separated dear ones. Now His children should
not go away from their fellow companions. If they have some misunderstanding
or if one of them does any mistake, the other should always keep a big heart
and forgive him. Now your husband is confessing his guilt and is asking for
forgiveness, so you should give the proof of your big heart by forgiving him.
I hope to visit your place in July. I wish to see both of you in loving
relation. I want to see you sitting together with love.
Married life is a vehicle which is running on the two wheels of love and
respect. The two wheels are fixed in the axle of duty. Husband and wife
both are two companions who give the power to run the vehicle. If both
the companions agree with each other and lead the vehicle well, they can
reach their goal easily. If both of them go in different directions, the
vehicle cannot run even for a yard. The root of a good household is love,
and humility is the flower which grows on the plant of that household.
iWithout a flower, a tree does not bear any fruit. And the tree without
fruit is useless. Only the fruit is happiness; otherwise, all other things
are thorns - pain-giving. The tree which bears much fruit bends down. If it
doesn't bend or lower itself, it breaks its branch. The same thing applies
to household life. Both husband and wife should be cool-hearted and pa-
tient. Unless one has patience he cannot achieve happiness.
Peace is a cool iron which cuts the hot iron of anger. So an atmosphere
of peace and love should be created in the home for a successful
marriage.
My dear --- , I hope in our dear Father's love, you will think over this
letter and will try to put it into practice. Our Beloved Father is not happy
when we are unhappy. He is happy in our happiness. He is our Real
Father.
In Beloved Kirpal's Love, much, much Love to you,
Yours affectionately,
AJAIB SINGH
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