THE PAIN OF SEPARATION
by
Sant Ajaib Singh Ji
July 9, 1977
Shamaz Meditation Retreat
Potter Valley, California
The separated soul calls: "Listen, 0 my Beloved:
How can a fish live without water? Its life is the water!"
To meet God, first of all we need to create yearning within us. Until we
have that yearning we can never realize God. When the yearning for lust
comes up within the unchaste man, until he satisfies that he has no peace;
in that condition sleep and rest become illegal. In the same way, until the
devotee of wealth collects that wealth he cannot sleep, and he doesn't
enjoy anything of the world. And those who want to get knowledge, they
also have the yearning within them; that's why they go to schools and
colleges, because of this yearning to get knowledge.
Naturally the problem of realizing God is very difficult, because when
we have never seen God, to create longing to see Him is very difficult.
Hazur used to say, "You can love only your fellow beings, the ones you
are seeing." So when many souls cry and plead for God, that God comes
from Sach Khand, and from Sach Khand He comes into the world in a
human body to liberate the souls. He comes here after hearing our
requests. Guru Nanak said, They come for the people's sake, and after
coming here they impart the Life Impulse to us. They have taken up the
body only to do good for people and they give us the donation of their
own Life.
Kabir Sahib in this hymn says, "The soul which is in the pain of
separation is beseeching and crying for God, and is saying, `Oh God,
without You I am suffering.' " He gives the example of a fish to describe the
yearning which the disciple is having for the Master. If the fish loves the
water, the water is her life; as long as she is in the water she lives, and as
soon as she is separated from the water she dies. So such a yearning or
longing should be between disciple and Master.
The separated soul's body burns in the strong fire;
it becomes restless.
Within she is empty, she is searching for her beloved.
Death also goes back after searching for her; she is not there.
Within that body where the soul is in the pain of separation, the fire is
burning so much that you will not find any other fire in this world which
can be compared with it. Because of that fire of separation, the bones are
burning like sticks, like firewood. And even if Death comes to take the
soul at that time, He will not find her there; because the soul in the pain
of separation is searching for her Beloved.
Seeing the separated soul burning, the Lord came.
Sprinkling a drop of love, He extinguished the fire.
Beloved Hazur always used to say, "It is the law of nature that it supplies
the food for the hungry and water for the thirsty." Whenever our soul is
burning in the pain of separation from God, and we cry out to Him, that
God also cannot bear our pain, so that's why He comes; and, giving us a
drop of His love, He extinguishes the fire of separation which is burning
within us.
Eyes are tired, looking in His direction.
Tongue is blistered, repeating His name.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "The soul who is in the pain of separation, her
eyes get tired looking for her Beloved to come on the way, and her
tongue gets blistered because she is always repeating the Name of her
Beloved." When I was searching for God, I made a rosary, and people
told me to repeat some name for 24,000 times a day. But, in the love and
the pain of separation from God, I did double amount: I did 48,000
repetitions. And I got blisters in my hand, and I did many other practices
to realize God. And when I was searching for God in such a difficult
way, then God Kirpal, He also couldn't bear my pain, and that's why He
Himself came to my ashram and, giving me a drop of His Love, He
extinguished the fire of separation which was burning within me right
from my childhood.
Suppose anyone loses a great amount of gold and is wandering here
and there outside of his home like a homeless wanderer, getting nothing
to eat or drink. But, if someone who knows about his wealth, and who
knows the secret about his hidden treasure, comes and helps him to
regain that wealth which he had lost, and after getting that wealth again,
if that person makes a good residence and if he lives his life very com-
fortably, then whom do you think he should thank? Should he thank
that gold which was lost? Or should he become thankful to that person
who helped him to regain that gold?
In the same way, my Lord was also separated from me for ages and
ages, and that God Kirpal came, and He helped me in regaining my God,
Who was within me. So to whom will I be grateful? I will be grateful only
to God Kirpal, because He came and He made me realize the God which
was within me. And that's why I am always thankful to Hazur Kirpal.
That's why now I am saying that on the land there is Kirpal, in the water
there is Kirpal; there was Kirpal, there is Kirpal and there will be Kirpal.
Kirpal is the creator; Kirpal is the destroyer. Everything is Kirpal. And
those who remember Kirpal with love, they will be liberated by Him.
Hearing our request, that God came in the form of Kirpal in this world,
and He extinguished the fire which was burning within us.
Water is flowing from the eyes as it does from a Persian wheel;
In the hope of meeting her Beloved, she repeats His Name like
the rainbird.
Now He says, "What is the condition of the soul which is in the pangs of
separation? From her eyes the tears are coming out just like the water is
coming out from a well with a Persian wheel. And, as the rainbird is con-
stantly searching for rain, and repeating the name of its Beloved, in the
same way she is also repeating His Name and she is waiting for Him."
Separation is very pain-giving;
Heart gets no consolation.
Until she meets One Who is the form of Shabd,
the pain cannot go.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "Such a soul who is in the throes of separation is
having much pain. But, until she meets the Person Who gives her the
Shabd, she cannot get any peace of mind." And it is only that Shabd
Who comes, taking birth among us, and He gives us the message of
Shabd: "I am sitting within you in this form."
Separated soul stands on the path and asks the traveler:
"Tell me, when will my Beloved come and meet me?"
Now He says, "The soul who is having intense longing and yearning, she
will never go to many people and talk with them or chat with them, but
she will always sacrifice her own being and her everything if anyone
makes her hear anything about her Beloved." One who is thirsty will
never talk a lot, and will never ask whether the water is salty or whether
the water is sweet or bitter. He knows only to drink the water to quench
his thirst. But, one who is not thirsty will ask many questions about the
water: what it tastes like, and many things about it. But in that way he
will never be able to quench his thirst.
In the same way, the persons who are yearning to realize God, and
those who have real intense longing to see Him, they will never have any
doubts or suspicions. They want only to realize God and they ask to be
shown the Path and that's all; and after that they don't have any doubts.
In our ashram many people asked Master many questions, but I didn't
ask Him any questions. On the contrary, I became only grateful to Him.
"I am thankful to You because, from ages and ages - who knows from
which age? - I was separated from You. But, now when I have seen You
again, my every question is answered."
Once a man came to Master and he started talking with Him just like
he would talk with an ordinary man. At one time, he said that he wrote
Him a letter and in the reply Master wrote him, "You do this and that
thing will happen," but that never happened. And then he said that he
wrote Him a letter about a disease, but he was still suffering from that
disease. And he was talking like he would talk with an ordinary man. At
that time, even though I was not initiated, I still couldn't bear that.
Holding his hand I told him, "You come with me and I will tell you all
about that letter." And then, taking him to the door of the ashram, I
told him to leave the ashram. I asked him, "How do you understand
Him? Do you understand Him only as a man?" Then he realized his
mistake, and he fell down at my feet, saying that he didn't understand
Him.
So, those who have real longing to realize God, they will never ask any
question to the Master. To whom will you ask any question? What ques-
tion will you ask of the Master-the Master Who knows everything of
your heart? How can you ask anything from Him?
I have been waiting for you many days, repeating your name;
My soul is longing to meet you; there is no rest or peace in my
mind.
Now, when such a soul gets the Beloved, how can she ask any question
of Him? She will only say, "I am very grateful to you because I was
burning in the fire of separation. Thank God that You have come and
You have brought peace to my mind." Where is the place for asking
Him questions?
Separation bites the body as the snake bites;
no remedy helps.
One who is separated from Naam doesn't live;
if he lives he goes mad.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "The separation, or the intense longing, bites a
man just as a snake or a scorpion bites." The body cannot bear that bite.
He will just become unconscious. In the same way, the soul which is in
the pangs of separation or of intense longing within him, what will he
do? No matter what people are saying about him, whether people call
him mad or crazy or a fool, still, wherever he will find people talking
about his Beloved, he will go there and he will sit there.
The same thing happened with me also. People used to call me mad,
and some people came to me with sympathy for me, and they told me
that they wanted to take me to Amritsar where there is a mental hospital
and where they treat the mentally ill people by giving electric shocks. So
with much sympathy for me they came to me and told me to go to that
place, but I told them, "The One Who is giving me electric shocks, the
One Who is going to treat me, I have Him and I don't need your sympathy."
Lovingly I used to say, Remembering Kirpal Singh, many sinners have been
liberated. That's why Ajaib says, don't give up the company of Kirpal Singh.
Entering the body, the snake of separation has made a wound
in the heart.
The separated soul doesn't move the body; whatever that
snake wants to eat, he can eat.
Now, when the pain of separation controls the heart, the whole being,
and after that, when it starts eating up the body, the soul which is in
that pain will never say anything to the Beloved. He will always say, "I
have surrendered to You completely. Now it is up to You: to eat me from
my feet, or to eat me from my head. Whatever You want to do with me, You
can do with me." After that she doesn't mind anything. Whatever her
Beloved does, she is happy in that. Those who have such pangs of
separation, they do not need to do anything; because for them
everything is all done.
Baba Sawan Singh Ji used to say, "A wife gives her body to her husband,
but she never gives the mind; but in Sant Mat, one has to give his mind."
Between disciple and Master there is the wall of mind, and when we give
up our mind, the wall which is between us and the Master goes away.
God says to the Sadhu: "Go and give peace to him who is
remembering Me in separation;
And he who has the yearning within him, search for him."
Now, when we have the yearning within us, what happens? That God
comes in the form of any Sadhu, and that Sadhu comes to such souls
which have intense longing to realize God. And, giving the key to open
the door, He takes the soul back to the place from where it was
separated; to our Beloved. Guru Nanak says, "God has taken up the
form of Sadh." Whenever that God wants to give the Light and Life to
anybody, He comes in the form of a Sadhu.
O Kabir, the wife says, "Listen, my Beloved Husband,
Come soon to see me or I will leave the body."
Just as if any wife's husband goes to a foreign land, and she is separated
from him for a while, she writes him a letter; in the same way, the soul
which is separated from God, and which has the longing to meet Him,
she also writes such letters to God. She also requests God: "If You will
not come back, if You will not take me again to You, I will die."
Hazur Kirpal promised me: "You don't need to come in any society or
any conference or any meeting. Whenever you will need, I will come to
pay a visit to you." And Hazur kept His word, and when I was doing
meditation, many times He would come physically in His private time to
see me. That was a distance of three hundred miles; but many times in
His sickness even, He came to see me. He used to come there by Himself
to take care of me, to see how I was sitting in His Remembrance. And in
that period of seven years when He told me to do meditation, I left all the
world, and I was not meeting anybody from the world. I made an
underground room in an orchard to meditate in.
So this is my personal experience: that Master knows everything
without requesting. To ask Him anything or to tell Him anything is just
like showing a little lamp to the sun. Guru Nanak says, Without know-
ing, He knows everything; to whom are you praying? If He doesn't
know anything, then we need to tell Him.
Either finish this pain of separation, or make me see Your face;
I can't bear this burning twenty-four hours a day.
The separated soul makes her heart a begging bowl; tears come
out from her eyes -
She begs for darshan, which is everything for her; she lives on
it day and night.
Now what is the separated soul doing? She is making her heart as a
kamandal or sadhu's begging bowl; and tears are constantly coming out
of her eyes; and what is she begging for? She is asking for the darshan
of her Beloved. She says, "Your darshan is everything for me; it is my
food, it is everything." Very often I say this thing: that I never asked
any outer or worldly thing from my Satguru Maharaj. I asked only Love
from Him and I got only Love from Him. Because, except for You,
whatever we will ask, 0 Lord, we are asking for pain. Whatever we will
ask from the Master, except Him, is going to give us suffering.
I'll make a lamp of my body, and a wick of my tongue;
I'll use blood instead of oil, and by that light I will see my
Beloved's Face.
What is the separated soul saying? "I will make a lamp of my body, and
I will put a wick made out of my tongue in that." Because a lamp needs
something in which the oil can be stored, and it needs a wick also. But
she says, "My body will become that lamp, and my tongue the wick.
And instead of oil, I will use my blood, so that I may have the darshan
of Your beautiful face in that light."
O Kabir, give up laughing, and love weeping,
Because without weeping one can neither get love, nor our
Beloved Friend.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "Leave laughing and take up weeping, because
without weeping you can never reach God." When the baby cries, the
milk of the mother also starts flowing, and she comes after leaving all
other work aside, and starts nursing the baby. Weeping doesn't mean
that we should show people how we are crying and acting or taking out
tears from our eyes. "Weeping" here means to give up attachment to
worldly pleasures, and to divert your mind, you attention, toward God.
Only the heart of the lover is weeping. What is the use of outward weep-
ing? Because the One Who is going to see that is within you.
Truly speaking, one doesn't get any interest in weeping if there is
nobody there who will remove the water of the tears coming from the
eyes. That's why, when we will weep with the inner eye, at that time,
because Master is sitting there, He will come to our comfort, and He will
remove the water of our tears with His handkerchief.
Laughing doesn't finish pain. Weeping makes one lose
strength:
Weep in the mind, like ants eat up wood from within.
So Kabir Sahib says, "Laughing doesn't decrease the pain; moreover, if
we will weep we will lose our strength. So it is better to spend that
moment which we are going to spend laughing or weeping in the
remembrance of God." Then he says, "The separated soul, within whom the
pain of separation is going on - if she forgets God, forgets the Beloved,
even for a moment, what happens to that body? That body has become
eaten up from within; just like ants eat up wood from inside and make it
hollow. In the same way, such a body also becomes hollow from inside.
Outwardly people see that the body is as it was, but from within, it has
become hollow."
Nobody saw the ants eating up the wood,
But when the skin of the wood was lifted, only sawdust was
found.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "When the insects or ants are eating up the wood
from inside, nobody knows when the ants came and when they started
eating that. But when we are cutting that wood, then we find only
sawdust there and no wood there. In the same way, the soul which is
having the pangs of separation, outside people see that the body is all
right, but from inside that body is eaten up by that separation, and it
has become hollow in the remembrance of God."
By enjoying, no one has got the Beloved; anyone who got Him
has done so by weeping.
If by enjoying and playing one could get God, then who would
not want to have Him?
Now Kabir Sahib says, "Enjoying the happiness of the world, nobody
has received God. Those who have received God have done so only by
weeping and staying awake and working hard to meet Him. If by only
enjoying the worldly happiness one could achieve God, in that way
everybody would have got Him; but that is not the way."
Once the King of Balkh Bokhara was taunted by one man who asked
him, "Have you ever experienced happiness since you gave up your
kingdom?" The King replied, "Yes, twice after giving up my kingdom I
have felt a lot of happiness and joy. Once I was traveling on a ship,
and there was one very wealthy merchant who had some servants who, in
order to please him, were putting on a show and doing imitations and
different kinds of comedy. Because I was the lowest person on that ship
and I was very poor, after doing all types of comedy and funny things,
they would come to me and hit me on the head; and at that time I was
feeling a lot of joy, because that gave them pleasure and that merchant
was pleased when I was hit on my head. And later, when the ship was
having trouble, the captain said, `The load is too heavy and we have to
throw one man in the ocean if we are to save our ship.' So, because I was
the only person there who was not having any heir or any family, they
chose me to throw in the water. And at that time I remembered my God;
and since there was no more danger to the ship, I experienced a great
happiness.
"And once, when I went into a mosque to spend a night there, the
Kazi of that mosque, looking at me, got very upset and thought, `Who
has come in this mosque to spend the night?' So he pulled my by the leg,
and threw me out of the mosque. And when he was pulling me down the
stairs, and my head was hitting on the steps, at that time my inner vision
was opening and I was getting the secret of God from inside. As my head
hit one step I got one secret, and as it hit another one I got one more, and
in that way, on every step I got the knowledge of God. But when I
reached bottom I felt very unhappy, because I thought that if there had
been more steps, I would have got more knowledge of God."
All the people are happy - they eat and sleep;
The servant Kabir is unhappy - he weeps and doesn't sleep.
Now Kabir Sahib says, "The people are living easily in this world and
they are happy, because they eat and they sleep. But Kabir is unhappy,
because I am always staying awake in the night and I am weeping for
God. I am saying, `O God, I am awake in Your Remembrance. Come
and meet me.'"
A healthy man doesn't know what the pain of sickness is. Only the
sick person can know the pain of sickness. In the same way, if you want
to know what the pain of separation is, you go and ask him who is having
that pain.
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