Kiran Subbaiah/Texts by KS/
Love Death and Mathematics
This mathematical problem involving love and death came to be at the Neuw Ooster Begraafplaats - an exceptionally beautiful graveyard in Amsterdam - not very long ago, and till the time of mmy writing it down, the problem remains unresolved. An unfortunate young man who was deeply in love with his wife lost her one day, when she died. In salutation to her untimely departure he arranged for her - as people who witnessed it say - a very special funeral ceremony at the Neuw Ooster Begraafplaats. He spent most of his savings on her grave, which was designed and built most exquisitely and must be noted as a rare phenomenon in contemporary Dutch funeral culture. While selecting her burial spot he made sure that another gravesite remained vacant next to hers so that he could be buried beside her when he died. This was not as easily done as said: Land in Holland has always been scarce. Religious faith has consistently grown to be so too. Through a general consent of its pragmatic and egalitarian citizens Holland�s burial sites are kept expensive - in order to keep the space occupied by the dead from taking over the living. The standard, affordable lease period of a grave is for 10 years after which it is generally cleared for reuse. An extra 10 years extension of the lease is not uncommon, but in any case, contrary to Christian scriptures, gravesites cannot be kept for good and have to be recycled. As a consequence of this rule the man had to start paying for his own burial space many decades in advance. As exceptions to this rule the Neuw Ooster Begraafplaats has a few graves, which, for the distinguished accomplishment of their occupants or creators, have come to be considered important historical monuments and have been declared to remain preserved as such. Many recent occupants who possessed the means have also tried exploiting this possibility of exception to compete quite explicitly for the same status through the splendors of their deathbeds - with the hope that by the time the periodd of their lease ends, the authorities of the Neuw Ooster Begraafplaats would come to recognize their graves either as exceptional works of Art or as those of extraordinary souls and let them remain there forever. Most noteworthy among these are the graves of wealthy gypsies, lavishly decorated with narrative sequences of images in ceramic depicting rags-to-riches stories of their life�s journey - setting out as young men on dirt roads in modest mule wagons, which, after a series of heroic deeds, eventually transform into a Rolls Royce or a Mercedes Benz. Gypsies who belong nowhere in particular have carefully planned their posthumous agendas well in advance as a final attempt to establish roots in this buffer zone to oblivion. Amongst the native Dutch this young man was an exception. Unlike the gypsies his extravagant expenditure committed on the twin grave was not out of any superstitious insecurities about his fate after death but out of sheer gratitude for the brief period of love he had enjoyed in life. The two adjoining gravesites he chose were in the most beautiful spot he could find, incidentally located between graves which according to rumors circulating amongst the undertakers, already showed promise of making it on the Neuw Ooster�s list of eternal deathbeds. This distinction of location was not particularly the reason for the man�s decision in settling for the spot, but it was something for which he would later regret. As fate has its way in being elusive as always about whether it worked
for the better or for the worse, soon after the death of his wife the man
fell in love with another lady. In good time they were married and as I
write, continue to live happily as man and wife. Their only dilemma is
their deaths because there is space only for one person next to where the
man�s first wife lies buried.
 How is the man now to honor his love for both women equally? The problem could have been resolved by moving the grave of the first
wife to another location in the yard where two empty graves could be procured
beside it, for the man and his second wife to occupy later on.
 But, apart from the expenses to be incurred for this solution, it would require, if not an entire demolition and reconstruction, a considerable disruption and restoration of the original grave. This would inevitably offend the sanctity of the funeral ceremony and ridicule the emotions that had led him to its creation. Understandably, the grave was for the man, more than a mere artistic masterpiece. The possibility that he might just carry on with his initial plans and
will himself to be buried next to his first love would obviously mean a
betrayal towards his second love, who would then have to be buried alone
elsewhere.
 This solution could be resorted to justly, with the willing consent of both the man and his second wife, only if their love went wrong somewhere along the way. This probability would of course, resolve the dilemma of their burials. But God forbid the cruelty of our imagination for conceiving such a solution merely for its convenience, for it is not in death but in life and love that we must wish them all happiness and success. Another solution would be that the man gives up his initial plans altogether
in exchange for equally passionate ones for his new love - a twin grave
for the two of them elsewhere.
 It is quite likely that the second affair, given more time to flourish, would through a natural course of matrimonial entanglement, settle the couple into the comforts of family life, bring forth children, grandchildren and so on. Through the materialization of the lovers� aspirations and the fading of memory with the passage of time, the man could come to accept bygones to be bygones and reconsider his funeral around the woman who bears his offspring. Wouldn�t that be the least he owed her? If this were the decision he was to take, then it would best be declared soon to relieve him and his new wife of the dilemma and allow the confidence in their love to flourish. As further assurance he ought to also abandon the renewal of lease for his gravesite beside his first love, begin saving money and making plans for the second twin-grave elsewhere. We propose this solution with the best intentions for their love, but love is a mysterious subject, way beyond the control of mere speculation and even beyond that of the individuals bound by it. As the old Confucian aphorism advises: �The Only Thing To Be Taken For Granted About Life Is Death/ And The Last Thing, Love.� So we must consider, without actually wishing it, the possibility of Cupid�s arrow withdrawing. By some sly twist of fate, if the man broke up with his second wife after all, he would have to repent having invested his time, money and effort in vain. It would make life for him thenceforth bitter, for he would have to suffer the grief of having forsaken his first love by giving up his place next to her. And if by the end of his life she proves to have been his only true love - how bitter that would be. If a solution was sought purely from the standpoint of equality and
dispensing fairness towards both women with mathematical fidelity, without
favoring one more than the other, and within the limitations of the given
circumstance; then there is just one: The man could give up his space next
to his first wife to his second and have himself buried elsewhere.
The grave of the second wife in this case should be built identical to
the one of his first. And his own- well, that wouldn�t matter - it could
just be another conventional Dutch grave.
 Even though the problem ultimately concerns the dead, it must be pure coincidence that the only possible mathematically just solution for it favors the allegation that mathematics is cold-blooded. For in succeeding to dispense fairness, the solution leaves all the souls concern (that is, if souls exist posthumously and are bound by the premises of their graves) in a very awkward state of discontentment. It is only the man�s soul that could derive satisfaction from this solution and that is only if some terrible experience in his life turned him into an outright misogynist. Justice could also be dispensed on the basis of equity rather than equality.
We ruled out two of the previous solutions due to the indefiniteness of
what the future had in store, but the man could wait till he was closer
to the threshold of death to decide, and like the Sultans of old will himself
to be buried with the wife who brings him most happiness. If his second
wife proved to be the better, then he could move his first wife to a single
grave elsewhere and occupy the twin grave with his second.
 The unfavorable condition posed by the equity solution is that it grants only one of the two Boolean extremes of �all� and �nothing� to each wife. This would inevitably mean condemnation of the one who gets nothing, and that would least likely be deserved. God grant that by the end, each wife will have succeeded in unfolding to the man her own, unique and incomparable delights. Let us recall now, that the two graves on either side of the twin grave
in which the man�s first wife lies buried, are occupied, and it is just
a rumor circulating amongst the staff of the Neuw Ooster Begraafplaats
that these graves are to remain there for good. The fact is that the concern
authorities have not passed a decision upon the matter yet and therefore
there still remains the possibility that at least one of these graves will
be cleared and made available for reuse. If that gets to be so, then let
us pray that the grave that is going to be cleared will be the one on the
man�s side of the twin grave so that he might rest appropriately in peace,
between his two wives.
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