A/N: Here’s the sequel to The Diary of Marilyn Manson: A
Walking Disaster!! I hope you all like it!!
On The
Bright Side, I Am Now The Most Controversial Rock Star On The Planet: Further
Confessions of Brian Warner
By Trent
Reznor_X_Marilyn Manson
A Note From Marilyn:
Hello, all my Satanist chums! (Or non-Satanists…) It is I,
Brian Warner, writing to you from the exciting organ that is my mind....I hope
you all liked my first journal..if not, I can only pray for your family.
:p…Since ‘A Walking Disaster’: Twiggy has been un-suspended, Antichrist
Superstar has been released, and I’m still makin’ headlines! I hope you like
this journal as much as ‘A Walking Disaster.’ It’s been great the past
few months….ahhh….the sweet smell of controversy….Anyway, TTFN,…
Lots of
Luuuuuuuuuve,
Marilyn J
June
Return of
the Antichrist
Saturday, June 5th, 1996
10:00 AM
It’s morning, and there’s nothing to do. I called Trent and
we talked for a bit, but he had to go somewhere…..If only I could have gone with
him….Ah well, who cares?
10:35 AM
John called. It’s
funny how every time he calls, something bad happens later that day.
“Yo, what’s up?” He asked.
“Nothing. You?”
“Same here.”
“John…..”
“What?”
“You’re annoying me.”
“But I’ve only been talking to you for a few seconds..”
“That’s my point.”
Silence. “Um…..John?” Still silence. “John….”
“What?”
”What are you doing?”
”I’m not annoying you.”
I could KILL that man!!
10:45 AM
Did you know a cockroach can live for a month without its
head before it dies of starvation?
10:46 AM
Sheesh, imagine how hard it must be to navagate without your
head….
10:55 AM
Reading is fun…for some…I’m reading a book of weird facts no
one knows, or cares about.
10:56 AM
The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves
per side in a
Game of chess is 318,979,564,000….wow….never knew that…
10:57 AM
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t
wear pants?? Hahaha…
11:00 AM
Twiggy called and told me we have to go to some weird
promotion for Antichrist Superstar in a few days. Neato. Hopefully protests and
maybe some crazy person with a death wish will jump over the barricades and
challenge me…or maybe not, but hey, I can still dream.
1:00 PM
Quite an uneventful day. No one else has called. I might
need to make my own fun.
1:15 PM
Nothing new, but my ass is sore.
1:19 PM
If you want to sue somebody, just get a little plastic
skeleton and lay it in their yard. Then tell them their ants ate your baby.
1:20 PM
It’s amazing how life can be so ho-hum, but I can still
laugh and joke!
1:24 PM
Isn't it funny how
one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you're just driving
real fast, swerving back and forth across the road?
1:26 PM
Sometimes
I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both
sides.
1:29
PM
If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing between you and disaster is the strength of that pudding skin.
1:32 PM
I wish a robot would get elected President. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
1:35 PM
I’m not much of a philosopher, am I?
1:36 PM
I’ve got new socks on! Hehehehe…
1:45 PM
I
should write a book about a group of pirates who go out to sea in search of
treasure but never find it. The ending won’t tell you why, and at the back,
there’s a page you can lick and tastes like Kool-Aid.
1:45
and 30 seconds
I
kill me. Harharhar…
1:50
PM
Arrrgh!!
I wish SOMETHING would happen!!
1:52
PM
On the bright side, I’m now the most controversial rock star on the planet.
1:55
PM
Ah,
screw it…I’m going to bed.
Monday,
June 6th, 1996
7:00
AM
Ahhh…..a
new day, with new boring things to be done….
9:00
AM
Aw
yeah!! Trent wants to come over along with Ginger and Twiggy!! Haha…I can’t
stop laughing!!
9:15
AM
Put on
some makeup. Just a hint of black lipstick. Not like I’m appearing publicly or
anything. Besides, I don’t have much left anyway. I just noticed I have really
sultry eyes when I use makeup on them….Hmmm…..maybe Trent’ll notice…hehehe
9:22
AM
I
have nothing to wear……why is it that I always have to settle for crappy
clothes?
9:30
AM
Haha….I
look like a rapper….with makeup…O_x
10:13
AM
Hehehe….Trent
and the gang are here….I don’t know why Ginger wanted to come. All he does is
critique my decorating sense. Like one time, when he came over, he practically
redecorated my whole bathroom. He should be on one of those shows like ‘Trading
Spaces’ where dudes redecorate one room in a neighbors’ house. Oh god, if
Twiggy ever redid my bedroom, I might have to sleep in the kitchen. He has NO
talent in decorating. If he ever sees one thing out of place in your room, look
out. He’ll give your bedroom pink curtains, blue walls, purple ceiling, and
plaid bedcovers. Ewww…
10:30
AM
I
fear Ginger may eat me out of my house. Since he got here, all he’s done is
eat. I must resist the urge to fire him.
10:35
AM
If
all these people wanted to do was eat, they should have told me that over the
phone so I could hide my lunch. Trent and Twiggy have all begun to steal my food.
And I just got new food too. L Twiggy has the largest appetite
known to humanity. He could clean out your fridge in less than 30 minutes. And
yet he never gains any weight. O_o..Strange but true.
10:45
AM
Did
you ever have one of those times where you couldn’t stop laughing, even though
you knew you might get killed if you didn’t? Well, that happened to me. I got a
mean look from Twiggy, but it was worth it. Picture it. Ginger, Twiggy, Trent
and I were sitting on the couch watching T.V. Ginger was boring the crap out of
me by talking about himself and his personal life. Fortunately, ( or
unfortunately, depending on where you were sitting,) Twiggy let out the biggest
burp known to humanity. It was pandemonium. I could not stop laughing. Even
Ginger and Trent were laughing. Twiggy gave us all mean glares, but I know he
meant to do it. Hahahahhahahahahahahahahaha……
10:50
AM
Hahaha….
10:55
AM
I’m
okay now…hehehe
12:00
PM
Fun’s over, everyone’s gone….
Sunday,
June 12th, 1996
9:00
AM
Didn’t
mean to wake up this early…
10:00
AM
OMG!
OMG!! Trent called and said he wanted to come over for a ‘little talk.’ I must
prepare….you can never look too good…hehe
10:35
AM
Makeup
overload!! Hehe…I used black lipstick, eyeliner, (as I said, I have really sultry
eyes..), my contact, (^_*), lip gloss, and lip liner…whew! As I looked in the
mirror, I realized just how lucky Trent is to have me. I mean, let’s look at me
for a bit…
Hair:
great
Eyes:
sultry diamonds….hehehe
Nose:
Well, let’s skip over that….shall we?
Mouth:
okay, I guess, when I put lipstick on…
Face
overall: Trent is very, very, lucky….
11:00
AM
Dressing
up in my best outfit, yet I don’t want Trent to think I’m goin’ to a wedding or
something…
11:10
AM
I am
beautiful….and Trent loves me…..
12:00
PM
OMG!!!!
This is great!! Trent knocked on the door. I opened it. He sort of looked at me
for a split-second, then looked back down at his shoes. I thought I had
overdone the makeup….I asked him to come in, he did. We just sat for a few
minutes until I decided to break the silence. I said, “Trent, what did you want
to talk about?” He blushed slightly. He had hoped I didn’t notice, but I did.
“Um…Brian…”
He started,”Do you consider me as a close casual?” I nearly laughed.
“Of
course! If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be the most controversial rock star
on the planet!!! Why would you think I hated you?”
“You
might not now, but after I’m done, you’ll kick me out of your house….” He said.
“Brian…I…I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship that goes beyond
‘just friends’.”
“What
are you hinting at?” I asked. I looked at him like a cow looks at an oncoming
train.
“I….I…I
think I love you….” He told me. God, I HATE it when he does this. He says
something so sadly that you want to cry and punch his lights out at the same
time. “Ever since last year, I think is when I started ‘liking’ you…You were so
innnocent, it made me wonder…..”
My
heart felt like it had skipped a beat. This is the moment I had been waiting
for for years, and when it finally comes I’m like a deer in headlights. Come on
words!! Form!! All I wanted to say felt like it was stuck in my throat, and no,
not even the Heimlich could get it to come out. I stammered for words. I think
he thought I was a freak, stuttering like someone with a speech problem. In a
sense, I DID have a speech impairment when it came to odd situations like this.
I could never say what I felt, even if my life had depended on it. What I
wanted to say was ‘WELL, KISS ME, YOU DUNCE!’ but that seemed too sudden.
Besides, although I had dreamed of this moment for years, I didn’t think I was
quite ready for it. I looked deep into his eyes, and thought I would drown. I
had to pull away for my own safety, as well as sanity.
“Trent…I…this
is…quite sudden…” I smiled at him, hoping he would lighten up.
“I
knew you wouldn’t accept it…” He sounded like he was going to cry.
“No,
no, no!! I do, it’s just….I don’t know….I don’t know if I’m ready…yet….but…give
me some time…and I’ll clear my head…I promise..”
He
smiled at me! Ooooh!! I wish I wouldn’t turn to jelly when he does that!! He’s
so hot…I should just kiss him now, but…arrgh, shut up!! I smacked myself in the
head to keep my thoughts together. You wouldn’t believe it but I actually hit
myself in front of Trent. Neither did he, and he was there and saw the whole
thing. He raised an eyebrow, giving me the ‘Do I need to commit you?’ look. I
could have died. I was probably so red, you could have fried an egg on my face.
I hate it when that happens. Trent laughed. At me, I bet.
“So,
you’re gonna think it over, right?” He asked.
“Yeah,
I just need some time…I’ll get back to you, believe me…”
“Thank
you…” He smiled, again….ooohhh….and rested his head on my shoulder. I looked down
at him…God, he was cute…maybe if I just….leaned down a little closer…..NO!! I
can’t think like that!….but he still makes me go jelliod every time he smiles
at me…..mmmm……I wrapped my arms around his waist and just held him in my arms.
Kind of symbolically compelling, in a way.
3:00
PM
Oooh,
what if I am the most controversial rock star on the planet, AND Trent Reznor’s
sweetie?! I feel a bit faint……
Tuesday,
June 15th, 1996
10:00
AM
Nothing
much has happened…..although Pogo did call me to ask about Trent…He wanted to
know what had happened, but I told him nothing...
11:14
AM
The
funniest thing happened a while ago…The phone rang, for the 15th
time, I picked it up and yelled, “POGO, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU CALL ME, I
AM NOT TELLING YOU WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!” That’s when I noticed Trent had called
me……~_~***…
“Oh………hey……”
He said after a long silence. I could have crawled under a rock and died.
“Sorry
‘bout that…Pogo’s been bugging me….so, what’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing
much…anyway, I wanted to thank you for understanding….y’know..”
“Ahh,
no problem….” I blushed.
“You
can keep it secret, right?”
“Yeah….you
know me…”
”I know, and that’s why I’m worried…” Trent laughed.
“Very
funny…”
“Hehe….anyway…thanks….”
“No
prob. You coming to that promotion thingy I’m having Thursday?”
“Sure,
why not?”
“Cool….I’ll
call you and tell you when to be there….”
Wednesday,
June 16th, 1996
10:00
AM
Phoned
Twiggy. We shared sympathy with each other. He said to emphasize my eyes and mouth
to draw attention away from my nose. Okay, so it’s heavy lipstick for now on.
10:35
AM
Called
John and asked him about my nose. He said, “Y’know, you should use shadowing.
Use foundation as a straight line down the middle and use darker makeup around
the edges. Y’know…to sort of narrow it down a bit..”
Wrongo,
John. The correct answer is, “Don’t be silly, Marilyn. You’re beautiful and
there is nothing wrong with your nose.” But I didn’t say that. I didn’t give
him the satisfaction. I simply said, “Sorry, John, but I’ve seen your younger
photos and nobody wants to look like Stephen Tyler anymore.” Then I hung up.
Hehehe….
12:00
PM
Same
boring time….same boring place…
1:23
PM
Ginger and Pogo came over and tried to convince me to help them learn levitation.
Oh goody, we’re summoning the devil.
I
suppose if we’re going to make contact with the devil, I should strike some
kind of a deal with him…like swapping Twiggy’s soul for a better ass for my
performance on this year’s VMA’s. I politely declined and said I had to prepare
for tommorrow’s promotion.
2:00
PM
My idea of ‘preparing’ is lying on my bed, wishing for a miracle.
2:10
PM
Fell
head first on the floor.
2:30
PM
Called
Twiggy. I was all drunk and must have sounded pretty stupid. I said, “Yo….wuzzup,
my homie?”
“Sheesh,
whatever they got you on, cut the dose!” Twiggy is such a smart-ass sometimes.
“Don’t
hate….”
“HAHAHAHAHA!!!
What’re you on, Brian? Any fan would think you’re an idiot…”
”Please….fans are like family…they KNOW I’m an idiot…”
Twiggy
laughed.
“You’re
a nut…” He said.
“ Fo’
real?” God, I can’t believe I said that.
“Yeah…’fo’
real’…..” Twiggy must think I’m stupid now.
“Wanna
hear my new freestyle?”
“No
thanks, I’d rather stick my head in a bucket of rabid, radioactive scorpions than
listen to Marilyn Manson rap…”
I
started to sing ‘The Nobodies.’ “Please, please!!! I can only handle so much
before I blow chunks….” He hates me.
“Come
on…I’m probably going to die from a mad crowd of protesters tomorrow, so
lighten up and let me have some fun…” I think that was about the only thing I
said while sober.
“A’ight,
a’ight, call me back later…”
“Okay….TTFN….”
Thursday,
June 17th, 1996
8:00
AM
Today
is the first day of the end of my life….
10:00
AM
Phoned
my dearest Trent and asked him to come over for a few minutes. He’ll probably
stay longer, but….hehehe…
11:14
AM
Applying
my heavy lipstick and eyeliner. I actually got my mascara on without poking
myself in my eye with the brush. I’m wearing really crappy clothes, but hey,
it’s just MTV….
12:25
PM
My
fans are quite rabid today…..I fear for my own safety as I innocently sign
autographs and all the worthless crap celebrities do at album promotions.
12:32
PM
One
fan asked me some weird questions with big words even I didn’t understand. I
didn’t ask him to elaborate because I felt a coma coming on.
1:12
PM
Erlack…..my
fans are WEIRD!!! Weirder than me if I can be called weird.
2:35
PM
When,
oh when, I ask of you Lord, when will this torture be over??
2:43
PM
ARRRRRRRGH!!!!! Ah…..I feel much better….
3:00
PM
Thank
God…I get to leave….I thought I was gonna die.
4:15
PM
I’ve been thinking about my upcoming VMA performance. Twiggy has suggested my
costume. He is a pervert as well as clearly being a freak. Who else would make
me wear a G-string in front of millions of people on national TV? He calls it
‘fashion.’ I call it the sick wanderings of a sick mind. If I’m scorned because
of this outfit, HE WILL DIE!!
4:30
PM
John
phoned.
“Yo,
‘sup?”
”Nothing.”
“I
heard Twigg’s suggested your costume.” John hinted.
“Yeah,
and I’m not wearing it.”
“Awwww,
come on!!” He pleaded. I could have died.
“Great.
My bassist and my guitarist are both sex perverts.”
Silence.
I could hear him chewing gum on the other line.
“What
do ya mean, ‘pervert?’”
“Any
MAN who would want to see my bare ass needs mental help.” I kill me.
“Who
said I’m a guy? I do, after all, occasinally dress up like a girl and wear
makeup.”
I
pray to God John is not a transvestite. It would be more than flesh and blood
can stand if I had to ‘understand’ his feminine side. And for me to see him
walking around in a pink nightgown and fuzzy slippers……I might just have to
start calling him Jane.
“John,
dear, answer this truthfully…..would you actually enjoy seeing my bare ass?” I
asked. I could hear him doing the ‘ghetto smack’ with his gum.
”Hmmm……maybe….”
“What
do you mean, maybe?” I yelled.
“Well,
I mean…maybe….”
“John,
you either would or you wouldn’t…there is no ‘in-between’.”
“In
that case…..sure, why not??”
I couldn’t believe it. Noone could believe it. It was unbelieveable, that’s
why.
”J…John….you’re not……gay, are you?” I asked, even though I really didn’t want
to know.
“It
depends….” He smirked. I couldn’t take it anymore. I slammed the phone down.
Great, I have become the centerfold for gay men everywhere. Double damn.
5:00
PM
I
hate my life……why me? Why do I have to be the object of Twiggy and John’s
affection? Nearly half of my band is gay. I might as well be dead.
Friday,
June 18th, 1996
10:00
AM
VMA
practice in a few months, recording in a few weeks. There is nothing worth
being alive for.
11:23
AM
Called Trent.
“Hey,
I heard about the VMA costume.” He said.
“Please…..I
have also found out that nearly half of my band is gay. I don’t need any more
grief.”
Trent
laughed.
“No,
it’s nothing like that.”
“Thank
God…..”
“I
just called to say ‘hi’, and see how you were doing.”
“I’m
feeling suicidal. Does that answer your question?”
“Awwww,
why?” He actually cares! Wow….
“Half
of my band is gay, and one of the queers wants to dress me up in a G-string in
front of millions of people…..”
“What’re
you gonna use?”
“Huh?”
”what’re gonna use for suicide?”
“Hmmm…..never
really thought of that.”
“Hah…..well,
call me back when you get an idea…” He laughed.
“Riiiiight……ttyl,
then?”
”Sure.”
”Bye.”
”Bye.”
2:00
PM
Ink
fight at Pogo’s house. That usually cheers me up, but I was so depressed I
couldn’t even flick right.
2:30
PM
Finally, I get to go home and kill myself.
3:15
PM
I wonder what it would be like to be dead. What if you didn’t know you were
dead? How would you know? Would someone have to tell you? Oooh, I’m giving
myself the creeps.
3:30
PM
Twiggy called.
“Hey..”
He said.
“’Sup?”
“I
wish I was dead…” I told him.
“Man,
I sure hope we get a lot more fans from this VMA performance….” Twiggy said,
mistaking me for someone remotely interested in what he was saying.
“Sorry,
Jeordie, what were you saying? I kinda dozed off there….” I said.
“You’re
mean, Marilyn!” He said. Hahahahahaha…..
“Well,
you’re boring…..”
“Fine.
Get a new bassist….see if I care…”
Silence.
“Twiggy?”
Silence.
”Dammit, Jeordie!!”
”Sorry, I had a bit of an epidemic….I bit my tongue and I’m bleeding.” He said.
“Yeah,
well, if I kick your ass, you’ll be bleeding from both ends, now shut your trap
and listen…..I am not, under any circumstances, wearing that costume you
suggested for the VMA’s.”
He
got all pouty.
”Why not? It’s fashion!!”
“No
it’s not, it’s the sick wanderings of a sick mind. YOUR sick mind…..If I didn’t
know better, I’d say you were gay.”
He
gasped.
“You
wouldn’t!!!”
“Oh,
yes indeed. I would. What guy would want to see my bare ass besides John, who’s
already admitted to that fact?”
“…….”
“Ahah!!
Maybe…….YOU!!?” I smirked.
“It’s
like having Perry Mason right in our conversation…..so what if I’d like to see
your ass? It’d be good for a laugh…”
“WHAT
DID YOU SAY?!?!!?!?!!” I yelled through clenched teeth.
“I
said your ass would be good for a laugh….”
I
slammed the phone down. I am never talking to Jeordie for as long as I live.
Sunday,
June 27th, 1996
11:00
AM
I
haven’t spoken to Twiggy for a week.
3:13
PM
Made
a list of all my friends.
20
‘close casuals’: Friends who would give you money if you needed a Coke.
10
‘social only’: Some people you wouldn’t invite to parties.
6
‘inner circle’: Y’know, someone who would cry properly at your funeral.
Twiggy
is not on my list.
July
Twiggy Must Die
Wednesday,
July 10th, 1996
9:56
AM
Nothing
much has happened the past few weeks. Although I do have a MTV appearance
coming up in a couple days. (AGAIN???!)
Friday,
July 12th, 1996
8:23
AM
Waking
up early so I can do my makeup and get dressed in something…well,…..natural,
for a change.
9:00
AM
Wearing a really crap pair of rap jeans and a Fat Albert shirt. Hey, hey, hey!
9:25
AM
Makeup
time!! Mascara, eyeliner, lip liner, black lipstick, eye shadow, concealer, and
my pretty little single contact. I actually managed to get my mascara on
without poking myself in the eye with the brush.
10:00
AM
Nothing
to eat. No wonder I’m so thin.
10:15
AM
Ginger
called and asked if he could come over for an emergency makeup applying. I said
‘okay.’ I’ll be out of lipstick in 10 minutes.
11:00
AM
The
gang’s all here, outside MTV’s….whatever building. We look like a group of
funeral directors out for a drink. As usual, the protesters are here. One of
them had a death wish and jumped the barricades.
”Ah, a Christian..” I said to Pogo, who went all girlish and giggly. He really
is bonkers. Anyway, Mr. Let’s-Jump-Manson started yelling really crap insults
at me. I snickered and said, “Who’re you?”
“I’m
here to protest your-“
I roasted him with my eyes.
“I
asked WHO you were. I don’t care how you are.”
“Oh,
Bob’s the name.”
”Let’s get things straight, ‘Bob’, either you call off your mad group of
haters, or I wring you like a sponge!!”
He
backed up a bit.
“Um….I
know what you’re thinking…You’re probably thinking that we hate your stupid…er,
that is, you probably think we were trying to protest your music…..and I
realize the, uh, evidence looks pretty damaging, but I think I can explain
everything….honest…”
That’s
as far as he got with his story. He couldn’t seem to get past the “I can
explain everything part.”
“Excuse
me, Bob, you seem to have lost your mind, and you’re fixing to lose parts of
your body of you don’t call them off.”
He
glared at me. He shouldn’t have done that. It’s like throwing gasoline on a
fire ant. I clenched my fists.
“I
ask you, sir, from my deepest heart, is Satanic music really worth all this?
Look what it’s done. It’s turned you into a monster. I don’t know about you,
but you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean, we have every right to be
friends. We share the same world, yet here we are at each other’s throats over
religion. Tell me what you think. I honestly want to hear your feelings on
this.” He said.
“Well,
since you put it that way…” KAPOW!!! I decked him right across the face. I
didn’t stand to hear the rest of the sermon, which was just fine. There’s very
little a Christian says that I need to hear. “Is it possible that you hate my
music?”
“Well,
I….”
”Because if you do, you are a theiving, scheming, traitorous, treacherous
racist.”
”Oh my gosh, don’t say that!!” He cried.
“It’s
true, isn’t it! Out with it!!”
He was so shook up, I thought he might start crying.
”Well…….Alright, I admit it!!! Your music is WRONG!!!”
”I knew it!!”
”You don’t deserve to live!!!” That did it.
“Bob,
there’s something we need to discuss….I don’t like you…..And it’s not just
because you have the ugliest face I’ve ever seen. You can’t help it that you’re
ugly and stupid. What I don’t like about you is that you’re rude.”
I
looked back at my gang. They were all smiling at me. “And so, if you don’t like
my music…..then don’t buy it or come to my promotions….otherwise I’ll kick your
ass so hard, it turns inside out and comes out your mouth. Same goes for your
little ‘organizations’.”
Hehehehe……I scared him away and his little friends too. Hehehehe……..I love myself.
Monday,
July 15th, 1996
2:00
AM
Yessssssssss!!!!! Hahaha….
2:15
AM
I
sold about 2 million more copies of Antichrist Superstar all because of that.
3:00
AM
I
still haven’t talked to Twiggy.
9:00
AM
My
damn bassist who shall remain unnamed called.
“Oh,
what do YOU want?” I asked.
“Look,
I’m really sorry about what I said. Anything you can think of to let me be your
friend again, I’ll do…..ANYTHING!!” He said.
“Hmm…..”
I thought long and hard about this. “Well, let me break it to you the easy way.
We’ll get along fine as soon as you realize I’m God.”
He
chuckled a bit.
“Just
stop acting like a jackass and I’ll call off the VMA costume.”
”I wasn’t born a jackass, people like you made me that way.” I am the master of
sharp wit.
“I believe
that…..so, you still mad?”
”Nah…….no big deal….”
“Sweet….ttyl?”
”Sure.”
”Bye.”
”Bye.”
11:34
AM
If it
weren’t for humor, life wouldn’t be worth living.
Thursday,
July 18th, 1996
9:30
AM
WTF??
Due to an extreme twist of events, I have to practice for the VMA’s a month
early! Starting today! Double damn. The day is already starting to suck and
it’s only 9:30.
11:00
AM
At
MTV’s VMA stage thingy. All of my band members are already there. So, they
think they’re too good to wait up for me?
11:10
AM
Got
some weird looks as I walked in. Why can’t we all just get along?
11:30
AM
My
first run-through is over, although no one will admit it was perfect. Some
jackass told me to cut down on the movements, and said it was “unnatural.” Oh
yeah? Well, in some cultures, what I do is considered normal.
11:45
AM
Pogo is running around, acting like a loon. If he had a brain, he’d be a menace
to society.
12:02
PM
Trent
showed up, looking all gorgey in black. I had to try hard not to smile as I
sang, but with Trent right there, it was kinda hard. ^_~
12:05
PM
“The
beautiful people, the beautiful people…..”
12:30
PM
If I had a life, I’d be glad to get back to it.
1:22
PM
If this were a plane crash, I could eat the other passengers.
1:30
PM
Got hungry. Ate a candy bar……at least I HOPE it was a candy bar……
9:00
PM
Going to bed. I hope I never wake up.
Saturday,
July 20th, 1996
10:54
AM
I
cannot BELIEVE my life. If you can call it a life. When I think about it, I
want to stay in bed for the rest of it.
11:22
AM
Pogo called.
“You’re
not doin’ the VMA thing?”
“Not
the costume, at least.” I said.
“Oh…….”
There was a long silence.
“Umm…..Pogo?”
”Yeah?” I thought he was going to cry, which would have been horrific.
“…..What’s
wrong?”
“Ginger
hates me….” He said.
“Ah,
he hates all of us.” That made him cry properly.
12:14
PM
Trent came over and asked for my lyrics to my new stuff we’re recording. I had
written in slang and abbreviations I had made up. (Life is too short to use
long words.) He looked at it for about 2 seconds and went, “Umm…….I didn’t know
you were bilingual….”
1:12
PM
Twiggy
came over. (I’m getting quite popular. 2 people and counting in one day.) We
talked for a bit and eventually got on about the VMA costume.
”What made you give being queer a go?” I asked.
“What
do you mean, ‘give it a go’? You can’t just wake up and say, ‘Oh, I think I’ll
be gay today’.”
“Well,
what made you pick that costume? Besides, what do gay people do anyway?”
Twiggy, (the gay spokesperson-not) said, “…………”
“HAHA!
You don’t know do you?”
”…….” He blushed.
“Please,
continue. What do gays do in the privacy of their homes?” I was getting a kick
out of this.
“…..”
”You don’t know??! HAHAHAHA!!!”
”Umm….new topic….”
2:45
PM
Went to Pogo’s house. Trent was there, as well as John.
“Oh,
you know we have another MTV appearance next month.” John said.
“There
is no fun in my life…..” I told him.
“Aww,
come on! Where’s your sense of fun? Your sense of adventure?” Trent asked.
“Trent,
Manson never had any of those things!” John said.
“I
know, I’ve been asking him those questions since I met him.”
“It’s
not your fault that you’re dull and boring. God only made you that way to give
others hope.” Pogo said, trying to cheer me up. “If God made everyone the same,
we’d all turn out like me!”
“Hehe…there
wouldn’t be enough medication to go around, huh?” I kill me. Hahaha.
Wednesday,
July 24th, 1996
2:00
PM
John is unbearable since Monday, when he had a talk with Twiggy. He (John) sent
me notes all through recording takes.
Dear
Marilyn,
Twiggy
is sooo cool. He asked me out for a drink Monday. He said he’d call me, but
it’s been three days already. I’d call if I was him, wouldn’t you? If he calls
and asks me out for drinks on Friday, should I say, “Oh, I’m busy Friday,” or
should I say, “Oh, Friday would be cool?” If I say I’m busy, does it sound like
I’m putting him off, or should I say okay to any day he says? Write back soon.
TTYL
John
I
gave him my worst look before we started ‘Mechanical Animals’ but he keeps
sending notes. I am not interested in any of Jeordie White’s business.
4:25
PM
Sadly, it makes no difference to John whether I’m interested or not. All the
way home, he was telling me about what Twiggy said or did. The more I hear about
him, the less I think John should have to do with him. Alright, maybe I’m being
unfair and bitter, but John is my friend and should do everything I say….
5:00
PM
Boring
day at the studio and back to my even more boring home life.
11:30
PM
What a long, boring day. I hate Wednesdays; they are deliberately invented by
people with no life and no friends.
12:05
AM
Can’t be bothered.
Saturday,
July 27th, 1996
9:08
AM
It’s
almost embarrassing how friendly Trent is being. A few days without my hilarious
and witty conversation has reminded him of how much he likes me.
August
Tainted Love
Saturday,
August 4th, 1996
2:00
PM
I
still can’t believe how utterly crap life is.
2:25
PM
But I
am so, so, so, deeply in love with Trent.
2:26
PM
OMG, what have I said? Has it actually come to this?
2:28
PM
I need Trent….NOW!!!!
3:00
PM
Phoned Trent. Hey, I’m desperate.
3:34
PM
Pogo came round. I told him to leave and that I was depressed, but that just
made him probe into my life. Keyboardists are so nosy.
4:00
PM
Crying to myself in my bed of pain. Worst fears confirmed. I am ugly. I am an
ugly freak who tries to cover up my insecurities by wearing makeup and women’s
clothing. Yes, I did say women’s clothing. That’s not just sad, that’s double
sad.
4:10
PM
Still crying.
4:15
PM
I’d get up and kill myself but I’m too depressed.
4:20
PM
Why does this have to happen to me? Why couldn’t it happen to Pogo? He hasn’t
got much of a life, so it wouldn’t matter much.
4:30
PM
Phoned John.
“John…”
“Oh,
what’s up?” He is so dim.
“Let’s
just say I wouldn’t be talking now if I had a weapon……”
”Ah……I see….anyway, you know we have a tour in a few months, and our VMA
performance is in a few weeks. Also, Twiggy said yesterday-“
“Um….John,
it’s my turn to talk.”
”How do you know?”
”I just do.”
“Oh.”
Honestly,
you could get more sense out of a potato.
“Anyway,
did Trent call you or say anything ‘bout me?” I asked.
“Um,
no…..just Twiggy…”
”John, I hate to tell you this so rudely, but I really don’t care about
anything you and Jeordie do….”
”Why?”
”Because, 1.), it’s not my business. 2.) Jeordie is a pervert. 3.) So are you.
And 4.) I have better things to think about than you two’s love affair.”
”Fine then. But I won’t tell you if Trent calls or not.”
”Yes, you will, John, otherwise you’ll control a wheelchair through a straw for
the rest of your life…..and I don’t think you’d want that.”
“Yes,
sir.” John actually sounded like he was thinking which is a) unusual and b)
scary.
“…….Anyway…….ttyl…..”
I had to end this conversation quickly.
“Okies….”
John said. Okies? Good God, where does he come up with this stuff? It’s like
talking to the very, very, stupid. Oh wait, it IS talking to the very, very
stupid.
Friday,
August 18th, 1996
12:00 PM
Oh God, no……Today is the VMA’s and I have nothing to wear.
12:15
PM
No, no, no, no!!!!! Please don’t make me have to wear the outfit Twiggy
suggested.
12:30 PM
Damn it. I have to wear the damn thing. Nothing else to wear.
2:43
PM
Pogo came over and we shared sympathy in a rare moment of socializing.
4:00
PM
Over at MTV’s…..whatever building. Twiggy looked at me and grinned. I thought
his face would split in half, which was really quite funny.
4:45
PM
A late lunch thanks to MTV. Twiggy is such a hog when it comes to food. So are
all my other ‘friends.’ Oh dear.
5:27
PM
God help me. Changing time, and there’s no bathroom stalls. Or anything that
could help you keep your privacy. It’s like being in a locker room. Twiggy
looked so smug, I wanted to punch his face in. He gave me this look, like,
“Come on. Change. You know you want to.” I turned away and tried to find a
bathroom with a stall. I have my dignity, mind you.
5:32
PM
Twiggy can’t see anything, since I have convieniently included a robe with my clothes.
Hahahahahaha…..
6:19
PM
Oh dear, performance time. I hope noone laughs at my ass, for they will pay
with their life.
6:30
PM
Ahhh…..I got through that ordeal pretty quickly.
7:15
PM
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Trent KISSED me!!! Double cool…Here’s what happened: I
was backstage, changing back into my casual clothes. When I had just gotten my
pants back on, Trent walked in. I was like, “Oh no! Wait! You can’t see me like
this!”, but I was also saying, “Ooooh! I’m only half-dressed! Heehee!”
Trent
goes, “Oh! My bad. Did I bother you?”
“No….not
really..” I blushed. He put his arm around me and smiled.
“You
did great tonight….I liked it…” Trent said. I was thinking, “Yeah, you liked my
ass…”, but I didn’t say that. When I was onstage, I tried not to turn around
too much in case Trent was looking. He might’ve had seconds thoughts about
liking me. “You know I’m going on tour in a few weeks, right?” He asked.
I
nodded. “Well, I’m really gonna miss you…I won’t see you for a long time, and,
well….” That’s when it happened. He kissed me. I still can’t believe it. It’s
like one of those times when you can’t believe something, but yet you believe
it. Trent’s a great kisser. He has that varying pressure thing that Twiggy
keeps raving about. (With his girlfriends, not with Trent…..at least I hope…) A
few seconds later, he pulled away. “I thought that’d convey my feelings better…”
He said with a smirk before walking away. I just stood there, unable to believe
he actually did that.
9:34
PM
In my bed of pain. Trent kissed me. Oh my god. I still can’t believe it. I love
him, I love him, I love him!!!!!!! I wish I knew what it meant, though. Is he
leaving and never coming back, or was he telling me his true feelings? Oh, I
don’t care!!! When he comes back, it’s go time!! He’ll wish he never asked me
to show him the God of Fuck. Muhahahahaahahahaaha!!!!!! By the way, don’t tell
anyone about this. If someone finds out what I’m gonna do to my dearest Trent,
well, you never know what would happen. It might bring me to my lowest point in
history. So, let’s keep this our little secret, okay? Thanks.
Much luuuuuuve,
Marilyn J
A/N:
Wow, that was long! Did anyone like it? Email me and tell me!