A/N: This is sort of a parody of a book I’ve been reading
called Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging. It’s a
great book, you should read it. This fic’s also parodizing the MTV episode of Diary
on Marilyn Manson. After you read the book and see the episode, this fic will
be even funnier. Anyway, I hope you can enjoy this…and tell me what you think!!
Needless to say, from Manson’s POV.
The Diary
of Marilyn Manson: A Walking Disaster
By Trent
Reznor_X_Marilyn Manson
May
The
Antichrist Has Landed
Monday
May 3rd, 1995
8:05 AM
The start of a new day. The possibilities are limitless.
9:00 AM
Got my lips caught in a blender.
9:25 AM
Twiggy called and said he’d be late for practice today, due
to a mishap with his laundry. Apparently, one of his dresses must have gotten
caught in the wash and now he has nothing to wear. Ay, ay, ay….
9:30 AM
Called John. I wanted to ask about Trent, but I didn’t want
him to think I didn’t care about his personal life. ( I don’t.) So I decided to
start off with a simple question.
“ Yo, ‘sup? How’s life?”
“ Good….I talked to Twiggs a few minutes ago.”
” You did? Was he calling about his wardrobe problems?”
“ Nope…he was just talkin’ about his personal life.” John
said.
“ Anything interesting?”
“ Oh yeah, loads.”
“ Like what?”
Pause….John drives me UP THE WALL!!!
“ He said he was thinkin’ about tryin’ to cut back on the
makeup because-“
“ John, I said INTERESTING, not really, really boring…did he
mention the be-yoo-ti-ful Trent Reznor?” I asked.
“ Nope…lemme ask Pogo.” I heard John calling up the stairs
to Pogo, my keyboardist. “ HEARD ANYTHING ABOUT TRENT?”
“ NO!” Pogo yelled back down. “ WHY DO YOU ASK??”
“ JUST CURIOUS!!” John turned back to me. “ He said ‘nope’.”
“ John…I only wanted to discuss the matter with you, not
your whole block….”
9:45 AM
I want a call from Trent! It seems he may never, ever call
me…You might be wondering why I’m not calling him. Well, for one, it’s rude.
Two….um…there is no number two. Anyway….I am desperately waiting for my
wonderful, beautiful mentor to call….
9:50 AM
I’ve tried asking God for Trent to call me, but the phone
never rang. What’s the point of our ‘wonderful Father in Heaven’ if he never
even answers your prayers? That seems kind of rude….I wonder if I should become
an Aetheist…..
9:52 AM
If I do become an Aetheist, I wonder what language the god
of Aetheism uses? I truly hope he or she understands English, but I do suppose
it’s more of reading your thoughts.
9:56 AM
I am lying on my bed, with my head over the side. Soon the
blood will drain to my head and I’ll pass out. But not if my dear, precious
Trent rings.
10:00 AM
Oh, word!! ( That’s my way of saying ‘very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very cool’..If I said that, whoever I was talking to would be
asleep before I even finished the sentence.) My sweet Trent called!! He said he
needed me over by 11:30 for early recording, and said just to wear something
casual. Easy for him to say. He just picks the first thing he sees in his
closet. I said I’d be there by then. Oh, tra la la la la!
10:05 AM
I don’t think going casual was such a good idea. Everything
I put on makes me look like I have breasts, which should not be because I’m a
guy. Oh well, such is life.
10:15 AM
Looking in the mirror as I’m fixing my makeup. I’m running
out of black lipstick and my mascara’s about gone. As I put in my odd one
contact lens, I realized that the way I had done my eyebrows, it makes me look
like a unibrow. Marvelous. Thank you God.
10:20 AM
Fixed the eyebrow problem….but now my face looks all
squashed….
10:45 AM
I finally fixed my face up so I don’t look like a circus
freak, and I need to get to Trent’s studio so he doesn’t get his panties up in
a bunch….
11:31 AM
At Trent’s studio, and everyone from my band and his is
there. I tried to sneak in without them noticing, but irony is my middle name,
and they all stood and stared as I walked in fashonably late. Now that I think
about it, Marilyn ‘Irony’ Manson has quite a nice ring to it.
11:45 AM
As a kind act of
generosity, Trent let me and my band record first, but I forgot a few of the
words. Trent pulled me aside, which was kind of embarrassing, and asked me what
happened.
“ Is it possible, that after I was kind enough to let you go
first, you forgot your lines?” He asked.
“ Well, I didn’t want to say that because it might have made
you mad…”
” Indeed it might have. Go ahead and admit it.”
“ I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you.”
” It’s not all the same to me. So, to be blunt, you forgot your words?” Trent
said.
“ Something like that….”
“ Very well, that just proves what I’ve suspected for a long
time: courtesy is wasted on you. Next time, I’ll save my generosity for someone
who deserves it.” Trent told me.
“ Sorry, Trent. I tried.”
” Who cares that you tried? The important thing is that you failed. Now I
suppose you know that you’ve got to keep trying ‘till we get this
right….right?”
I nodded. “ Good. You’re a great kid, Brian.” He smiled at
me. He SMILED at me!! Heehee. Trent thinks I’m a kid. Tra, la la la la la!!
12:30 PM
I came out of the little ‘cubicle’ we call the ‘Recording
Studio booth’ and walked over to Trent and complained about my leg.
“ Never mind your leg, it’s your so-called brain I’m worried
about. I’m going to get a soda from downstairs, don’t do anything stupid until
I get back.”
“ Oh. Okay.”
He turned around and left for downstairs, leaving me with my
insane band members and Trent’s. I wonder which one will savage me first? The
room has become so quiet you could hear dust forming on the ceiling. Not that
dust DOES form on the ceiling but if it did….well, you get the point. In this
symbolic silence, if you sneezed you’d be thrown out on the streets. Just
imagine if one had a cold and it was this quiet….I’m sure glad I’m not allergic
to stupidity, or I’d be hacking up a lung right now.
12:32 PM
Trent’s back….and must have forgotten his Prozac this
morning.
“ You’re sitting in my chair, you idiot.” He said. I looked
around for this alleged ‘idiot’ who had….. “ MOVE YOUR WORTHLESS CARCASS!!”
Trent appeared to be looking at…well, ME, you might say. I squeezed up a smile,
not knowing anything else to do. He glared at me. Sheesh, I can take a hint. I
got out of his beloved chair and had to stand using my bad leg. Trent still
glared at me, and said nothing. A little sympathy for the crippled, please.
12:50 PM
Why’s Trent in such a bad mood? All I did was misplace myself
in his chair and he gets all huffy. Although I must admit, I LOVE getting Trent
worked up. He gets so mad it’s a reward in itself to see the spectacle he makes
of himself. Hahaha. But anyway, here I am, in the ‘hellhole’, patiently
awaiting my release. Speaking of Trent, I just noticed how huge his pants are.
I mean, I guess he wants to look like a gansta rapper, but he should try
getting pants in a smaller size. I can only imagine how many homeless familes
he could house in those things…heeheehee….
12:55 PM
Time ticking slowly. It’s like waiting to be buried. Or
being in R.E.
12:56 PM
You do know what R.E. is, right?
12:59 and 30 seconds
Pogo is twitching, wheezing, groaning and doing all the
other annoying things he does in his half-conscious state.
1:30 PM
Lunch break. Twiggy is boring me. All he talks about is
himself. All I can think of are ways to kill him. I pretended to be interested
in his boring conversation, but he noticed I wasn’t so keen.
“ You’re not even listening…..” He said.
“ I…I’m shocked, Jeordie. Why would you think I’d be so
cruel and heartless and not listen to you?”
“ Just makin’ sure.” Twiggy smiled.
Damn, I’m good.
1:45 PM
Changed tables and sat next to Ginger and John.
“ Yo, wuzzup?” I asked.
“ John’s in deep thought right now.” Ginger said.
“ How do they get the peanuts into those shells?” He asked.
“ Considering what he has to work with…” Fish laughed.
“ So, John, how ‘bout another brain buster? When Twiggy
called, did he tell you any good gossip?” I asked. It’s hard to start
conversation with these weirdos.
“ Oh yeah, right. He did say some things you might wanna
know.” John replied.
“ OOOH!!! Like I might need to kick someone outta this band
if I heard it!?”
“ Nah, more like….um, I dunno….just ‘stuff’…”
“ Well, tell me this ‘stuff’, and I’ll see if bothering to
talk to you worked out.” I said.
“ Okay….I heard Twiggy got suspended….”
“ John, you nitwit…..Jeordie doesn’t go to school!!!” I
could’ve killed him.
“ No, I mean from MTV’s VMA place.” John said.
“ Oooh, spill the beans, Johnny boy…” Ginger smirked.
“ To make a long story short, Twiggy was messing around
there and so they suspended him.”
“ For how long?” I asked. This was pretty interesting.
“ Oh, just a couple weeks. Not much. Oh, speaking of MTV, I
heard they put Nine Inch Nails’ new video on their playlists.”
“ How
dare they put Trent Reznor on MTV! He couldn't sing his way out of a
nut-sack!" I said.
“ Hey, since
Trent’s in such a bad mood, let’s make some jokes about him!” Ginger went all
girlish and giggly.
“ Good idea.
I got one. Trent Reznor is so poor, that yesterday, he had to put his cardboard
box up for a second mortgage!” I said. I thought John would collapse of
laughter. “ Um….it wasn’t really THAT funny….”
2:30 PM
Ah,
finally!! I get to go home….and do nothing.
3:15 PM
At home.
Trying to watch TV, but there’s so many crappy channels it’s hard to decide
what to watch.
3:30 PM
E-mailed
John, Twiggy, ( I asked about the suspension), Pogo, Trent, and Ginger.
3:45 PM
All of us
are instant messaging each other. Kinda fun. I like using the smiles.
Heeheehee.
5:00 PM
Dinner time.
Nothing to eat. Oh no, wait, I tell a lie, there’s a leftover slice of pizza.
Ick.
5:52 PM
Bored to
death.
6:00 PM
Still bored.
7:00 PM
E-mailed
Trent. (Again) I needed someone to talk to. He apologized about his crabby
attitude today. Heehee. He likes me. I can tell.
7:30 PM
Playing a
computer game against John. Marvel vs. Capcom. It’s quite fun until my Carpal
Tunnel Syndrom takes its toll. (Ouch!)
8:00 PM
So much
time, so little to do.
8:05 PM
I decided to
watch TV. MTV plays some crappy videos.
8:10 PM
OMG!! My vid
for ‘Sweet Dreams’ is on MTV!! Hahahahaha!!!
8:15 PM
Instant messaged
John and Twiggy. We’re making fun of the videos on MTV.
8:20 PM
I’m posting
the IM window here. Our pointless convo about the videos.
Twiggy:
Woah, look at his face.
John: Yeah,
his face sucks.
Me: lol
Twiggy: I
think these guys were in the state fair last year.
John: Yeah,
they won a blue ribbon in the pig contest.
Me: lmao
John: Where’d
these guys get their clothes?
Me: Probably
at the rock ‘n’ roll store down at the mall.
John: lol
Twiggy: lol
( Pogo has
joined the conversation.)
Pogo: Yo,
yo, yo!
John: ‘Sup?
Twiggy: Hey,
turn on MTV and make fun of the videos with us.
Me: Yeah….
( Different
video plays.)
Pogo: Is
this one of those beer commercials?
Twiggy: Or,
like, that one where that dude walks out into the desert, opens the beer and it
starts snowing…..step out of the old, and into the cold.
Me: Nothing
beats a butt….
Twiggy: lol
Pogo: lol
John: How
come Donny Osmonds’ the only dude with his shirt on?
Pogo: ‘Cuz
he’s a wuss.
Me: Yeah, he
probably has saggy pecs…lol…I heard that their dad, Lee Harvey Osmond, like,
killed one of the presidents…
Pogo: Yeah,
and I heard the whole Osmond family is a bunch of morons.
Twiggy: It’s
Mormons, buttwipe….those are those dudes that come up to your house on their
bicycles…
Pogo: Oh
yeah…
John: Is
this the Moron Tabernacle Choir?
Me: lol
Twiggy: I
hate this moron music….
( Trent
joins the convo)
Trent: Howdy
ho!
Me: Yo, turn
on MTV and make fun of the videos with us.
Trent: ‘kay…
( Different
video..)
Pogo: Woah,
is this Faces of Death 3?
Me: Uh…no,
it’s just a music video…butthole…
John: Woah,
a toilet!
Me: Yeah,
toilets are cool…they figured, like, since the song was getting wimpy right
there, they’d just, like, throw a toilet out.
Trent: I
wonder if there’s a turd in it.
Me: That’s a
good question, Trent. I wondered that myself.
John:
Hahahaha, that dude fell over.
Twiggy:
Yeah, he’s gonna get kicked out of the band.
Me: That
dude in the dress doesn’t put up with that crap.
John: Yeah,
you stand up straight, play your guitar, and shut uuuuuuuup!
Twiggy: lol
Me: lol
Trent: lol
Pogo: lol
11:30 PM
In my bed of
pain. Time goes by very slowly when you are bored. Or suicidal, which I am not.
I shall soon prepare to wreak havoc on the Catholics, Christians and all those
who oppose me. After the release of this album, chaos will erupt on Earth. Hell
will freeze over and I will use it as my own personal skating rink before all
those who have done me wrong apologize. Okay, maybe it won’t be THAT dramatic,
but hey, it’s all good!!
The End
A/N: Like
it? Hate it? Don’t care either way? Email me and tell me what ya think!! Should
I make a sequel?