| A few words from the Visionary Steven Wright All those who believe in telekinesis , raise my hand. I almost had a phychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. Okay, so what's the speed of dark? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job I intend to live forever, so far so good Egales may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in case, coincidence? When I;m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded What happenes if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried! Experience is something you get just after you need it For every action there is an equal and opposite critisism No one is listening until you make a mistake Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread The severity of the itch is proportional to your reach To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism - to steal from many is research The problem with the gene pool is there is no life guard Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before A fool and his money are soon partying Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but atleast it is a scenic route I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back Half the people you know are below average 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. |