By the time you finish reading this, it may no longer be speculative fiction! 
 
THE WAR ON DOZOIS 

Good evening, my fellow Americans.   

Tonight I will address what is now the most serious threat to the survival of our constitutional democracy and the values which we hold most dear.  That threat is Gardner Dozois. 

Science fiction, as we all know, is the literature of dreams and aspirations, and hopes for tomorrow.  It is the literature of peace.  And yet, since becoming editor of Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine, Gardner Dozois has sought to single-handedly destroy science fiction.  

And so, in conjunction with an international coalition of anonymous internet forum posters, I am instructing the forces of the United States military to liberate the offices of Asimov's Science Fiction from the Dozoisian regime.   

For some time, right-thinking members of the international science fiction community have sought to remove Dozois from his position of editor within Asimov's Science Fiction.  Knowing that his days of power are limited, Dozois has nominally abdicated the editorship of Asimov's.  But let me assure Mister Dozois and all those who belong to his vast literary conspiracy, Americans are not the kind of people who flinch from pre-emptively attacking the stronghold of an adversary merely because he is no longer there.  

The parallels between the oppressive editorial regime of Gardner Dozois and the evil of Saddam Hussien are many.  Like Saddam, Dozois brooked no dissent, and was quick to dispose of those that did not meet his favor.  Thousands of authors whose only crime was lack of talent were brutally rejected.   

Let me quote from a rejection letter that one such author received:  "Thank you, but your story does not meet our needs at this time."  Few can comprehend the insensitivity capable of unleashing this kind of psychological devastation upon unsuspecting would-be authors, many of whom were innocently anticipating Hugo and Nebula Awards for their first submission. 

The United States military, in a joint-sweep operation with local sanitation authorities, has already uncovered a mass landfill containing tens of thousands of manuscripts recycled by the Dozois regime. Investigators tell of pages riddled with typos, and of hacked plots, tortured styles, and characters flattened beyond human recognition.  In every case, the paper clip has been ghoulishly removed.  

A disproportionate number of the victims are in Times New Roman font, causing literary watchgroups to suspect rejection occured solely on the basis of Dozois' bizarre craving for 12 point Arial. 

It is time for this editorial reign of terror to stop, so that all stories, those rich in style and those that are poor, the strong in characterization and the weak, and even the illiterate masses, can emerge from the hell of rejection and into the light of genre-market publication. 

As the US military mobilizes to meet the challenge of the War on Dozois, we are confident that the readers of Isaac Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine will greet us as liberators.  Asimov's will enter a new era of democracy and freedom, an era to begin once opposition is neutralized.   

Thank you, my fellow Americans, and good night.