A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."
The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a thermos flask."
The boss then says, "What does it do?"
He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.
Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims, "Ah, 71st and again barefoot!"
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Punjab.
But two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????"
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV" he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 kms from home."
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife "What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else."
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied, "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The ground control issues commands;
" Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound) "Press the red button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button."
"Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof."
"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a ClockTower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared.
Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, but unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there."
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?
"The scoundrel called back."
Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript:
O: Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials, I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites.
S: Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions.
O: Above
S: Below
O: Front
S: Back
O: Left
S: Right
O: Male
S: Female
O: Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S: Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O: Ugly...U-G-L-Y (Officer spells it)
S: Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y (Our Sardar also spells it)
O: U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S: P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ......L..... Y......(Our Sardar also shouts)
Officer is now angry.
O: Get out
S: Come in.
O: Quiet please.
S: Talk please.
O: You are rejected.
S: I am selected.
Santa Singh got his job.
A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Sir, what are you doing?"
To this the the Sardar replies, "Oye, you have put this up, "Wash Basin"."
Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."
Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"
Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."