The StarThe Star
The Unofficial Newspaper of the Texan University in Kurdistan
April 1, 2001 - Volume 69. Issue 69
(This issue is not meant to be taken seriously. There is no t a shred of truth within these pages.)
Dr Huwiler Sighted in Cafeteria (John)
Crossing Ponit (Alla)
First Floor Epidemic (Anisa)
Madeleine Reeves Secret Past Revealed (Medina)
AUK Gets New Computers (Ahoura)
Applied Sexual Education (Medina)
AUK Administration Came Up With Another Idea... (Alla)
A кружку пива не желаете? (Saodat & Galina)
O суевериях и не только... (Fatima)
Как бросить курить (Tania & Anton)
Chief Editor Resigns (John)
Dr. Huwiler Sighted in Cafeteria
By John Atwood
Dr. Huwiler cause quite a stir on Friday, March 30th when he was spotted in the cafeteria eating lunch with students. Students were upbeat about the rare chance to see Dr. Huwiler. “I really liked some of the ideas he told me about,” said Fatima Gayazova. “He explained to me how the credit system worked. Now I realize that it is a really good idea,” said Marat Yusupov.
Dr. Huwiler’s colleagues were less
supportive of his impromptu lunch with students. “What was he thinking,” said Larissa
Mikhailovna. Martha Merill claims that because of Dr. Huwiler’s “waste of precious
time” that he was late, and unprepared for the special rektorat meeting that afternoon.
“I was late because I had to find the curriculum committee’s report which someone
forgot to give me,” replied Dr. Huwiler.
The lunch hour started out like any other. Students began taking their places in line at around 12:00. Dr. Huwiler joined the line right before 12:20 when it can grow so large that it takes up most of the cafeteria. No one noticed that Dr. Huwiler was waiting patiently in line like any other student. After placing his order Dr. Huwiler walked to a table near the corridor and politely asked the occupants if he could join them. They informed him that the extra seat at their table was saved. Dr. Huwiler then sat down at an empty table and proceeded to enjoy his lunch. “It was incredible,” said Dr. Huwiler, “no one had any idea that I was AUK’s president.”
Soon the table filled up and Dr. Huwiler began talking to students. “I thought he was a visiting lecturer or something,” said Pavel Milyutin. Students were fairly open with him in sharing their thoughts on AUK. “It’s a pretty good place, except no one knows what goes on up their on the third floor,” said a student. “That president guy doesn’t really do anything,” said another student.
Dr. Huwiler preserved his anonymity with skill and cunning. None of the students who had conversations with him had any idea who he was. “I found it very informative and enjoyable,” he said. “No one felt like they were talking to me as president.” Dr. Huwiler would have spent the entire lunch hour in total anonymity if it had not been for Boris Borisovich. After getting his lunch Boris Borisovich carried it to a nearby table, sat down, turned to Dr. Huwiller and politely said, “priyatnogo apetita president Huwiler.”
Janybek Sultanov, who was engaging Dr. Huwiler in a conversation about the cancellation of elective classes, shrieked “Oh my god you’re AUK’s president.” Students at nearby tables turned around to see what was the commotion. Many students who had already talked to Dr. Huwiler walked quickly away. Many of them felt embarrassed that they had talked to the president in the manner they did. Those who had not talked to Dr. Huwiler crowded around and started asking him questions. “What are you going to do about this cafeteria mess,” asked one student. “Is AUK broke?” asked another. Dr. Huwiler answered almost all of the questions then politely excused himself because he had a meeting to go to.
Odysseus the Ingenious, and Manas the Big Hearted will meet in a bloody fight on April the 3rd.
By Alia Naumova
The head of the Journalism department Evangelia Papoutsaki and our famous manaschi Talgat Agoly will compete in narrating these two great epics in CH/2, 17:00. Although the idea might sound rather strange, this event might influence the general education standards in AUK.
Ms. Papoutsaki was literary shocked when found out that Kyrgyz epic was 3,5 times bigger than “Manas”, her students present at that crucial moment confirm. “That’s just unbelievable,” – she muttered a few minutes later.
Evangelia, famous for her love for literature, then conducted a serious research among the students of Journalism testing their proficiency in Humanities, but refused to reveal the results. Instead of discrediting MM199 publicly, she decided to have them read all the works by Shakespeare during the summer break. Certainly, all of them are required to attend the performance.
Evangelia Papoutsaki’s concern about the academic background of her pupils might turn out to be crucial for their further curriculum she is working on right now. Her zeal didn’t find sympathy on the third floor. Although both sides have not met the consensus yet, the library was already told to put aside a certain amount of money for books.
“It’s public misunderstanding that made me decide on this performance,” Ms. Papoutsaki says, “I hope the audience will realize the necessity of deeper literary education when faced the actual masterpieces.”
Departments
of Journalism and of Kyrgyz ethnology have a long history of neighboring in one room. This
time they will have a chance to share not only officehours but also the stage in the
performance that will, indeed, turn out to be historical for AUK. Both of the epics will
be performed in their mothertongue in Ancient Greek and Kyrgyz, but hopefully, their
genius will help spectators to jump over the language barrier. The time limits have not
been set yet and will be decided by the narrators themselves according to the reaction of
the audience. It is quite possible though, that the latter will end up snoring taking into
consideration that both epics are usually being narrated for weeks.
The matter of academic proficiency turned out to be the issue of identity for the students of both departments. “I think the week of April, 2 will turn out to be the spirit one for us,” says Zima Filippov, MM199, “we have to see who is who here!”
Students of Journalism department decided to support their advisor in a quite extravagant way. All of them will wear white gowns similar to those of the Ancient Greeks. Girls will be dancing on the front row in the rhythm of Ms. Papoutsaki’s narration and boys will surround her holding torches. “We hope she will be feeling more comfortable and confident when surrounded by the familiar atmosphere”, says Konstantin Sudakov, MM199. Students of Kyrgyz Ethnology have not decided on their plans yet.
Gulnara Amanovna, would you like to comment on the coming event?
- Valia is a foreigner who came here only a year ago, so her ignorance is quite excusable. The fact that “Manas” epic and other pieces of Kyrgyz Literature are being so deeply examined by Journalism students is an attempt to revive Kyrgyz culture.
- Why did you agree to take part in the competition?
- This was not my idea. Personally, I was against it. Talant Agay has accepted as another opportunity to practice his narration in front of the large audience.
- Valia, can your position be interpreted as antagonistic towards local culture?
- Not at all! Although I am sure that quality does not have anything to do with the size, I am quite disturbed by the fact, that students of AUK are much more aware of the content of the “Manas” epic than of those by Homer. Sure, Kyrgyz literature has to be taught in AUK, but the proportions of time spent on the masterpieces of world’s verbal culture and of the local one are just incomparable!
- Don’t you think that your idea about Shakespeare would be a too severe punishment for students?
- Certainly not! Don’t you think that reading Shakespeare is not the best leisure possible? Oh, I am sure they will realize it themselves once they will get over the second volume. Understanding comes with time, you know… More than that, this is just the first step. Unfortunately...
By Anisa Afshar
AUK teachers do not want to teach classes on the first floor. According to their claim students who have classes on the first floor show weird and abnormal behavior. Many of the teachers have asked the Registrar’s Office to give them classrooms anywhere but the first floor of the main building. “I’d rather teach my class in the park or on the side-walk, rather than room 103. It is sick!” said Kurmanova Gulnara.
Teachers’ complaints speak
of: inappropriately high levels of activity, difficulty in concentrating, poor
coordination, low frustration tolerance, a state of euphoria, hallucination, and, usually,
behavioral problems. The complaints say that students on the first floor cannot sit still
during the class period, they move all the time, write notes to each other, and draw on
the desks. Even their eating behavior has changed: They eat all the time, chup-a-chups and
chips are the most common. “All I hear during my lecture is sucking and chewing. I
cannot stand this anymore”, said Deborah Eisenberg.
The issue reached its climax when one of the male teachers was sexually harassed by three of his students. The incident involved two boys and one girl. The teacher filed a confidential memo to the third floor, which initiated a medical, psychological investigation. The psychologists came to AUK as guest lecturers and electricians. Their investigation showed that the hyperactivity of the students occurs only if the students spend more than 6 hours per week in the first floor of the main building. When students who spent more than 6 hours per week on the first floor were kept out of the first floor, they suddenly became depressed and showed manic outbreaks. Typically, a student would lose all interest, and withdraw from usual activities, feel worthless, guilty, hopeless, and helpless. In most cases sexual interest diminishes, and students contemplate suicide and death.
According to the repost of the medical research team, the reason for this epidemic is the large amount of Lithium that is buried near AUK’s main building. Lithium is very light and easily combines with other elements. Analysis of the dust, which was gathered from the first floor, showed a high percentage of Lithium. Lithium enters the students’ bodies through breathing the air. 10 tons of processed lithium was buried in there in 1945 to be saved as a strategic stockpile.
Lithium has been traditionally used as a drug to cure depression. But overuse of it leads to hyperactivity. Lithium is also addictive. Perhaps this is the main reason of high traffic of students in the first floor. “I don’t know what do the students want, what do they need in this room?” yelled Nikolay Grigorievich trying to kick students out from 105/I. Well, now we know what’s behind it: Lithium.”
Are AUK students the victims of conditions in this building? Is there anyway to prevent the penetration of Lithium into the students’ bodies? What is the future of the infected students? Only time will show…
By Medina Aidarova
Madeleine Reeves is a sociology
professor. Everybody knows that she came from the UK. But, did you know that she is
daughter of the Duke of Heartingham earldom in Scotland? She is, so to say a “little
princess” of Scotland’s Highlands. Why do you think she is so well brought up, nice,
polite, educated and speaks with such clear and distinctive pronunciation? She had special
tutor-professors coming to her castle and teaching her science, math, Latin, Greek,
Hebrew, and Celtic languages. She was fed up with her studies and the way her father’s
court treated her, so she ran away from the castle at the age of 15. Her family was
eccentric and let her go. With such a good education Madeleine did not have any problems
entering Cambridge. Boarding school introduced her to “student life” and allowed her
to socialize with different people. Even though she was a student still had to go for all
of the celebrations, 5 o’clock teas and queen’s parties.
Madeleine’s inheritance will be given to the orphanage house in Scotland.
By Ahoura Afshar
Have you ever asked yourself why computer lab 207 is still not working? A special reporter of The Star asked Nancy Leland, the co-head of the Computer department, the same question. Our investigation led to a startling discovery that will astonish everyone in AUK. AUK will get 50 new computers.
“This is going to be a big step towards
further advancement in the Technology Information department of this institution,” said
Nancy. She then explained that the plan to open lab 207 anticipated only 17 new computers.
But on March 14 Nancy received a phone call from Martha Merrill who wanted an urgent
meeting. Nancy re-arranged her schedule and went to the meeting with the Administration
and the Board of Directors. At the meeting Martha proudly announced that AUK won a grant
for 50 new computers.
“Writing proposals to different organizations had become a part of my profession. I was elated to learn that finally one of them was actually accepted and we won a grant,” continued Nancy. This grant is provided by the Foundation for Universal Computer Knowledge. The chief editor of The Star, John Atwood, was very opposed to print the acronym of this institution, saying: “I could not, with a good conscience, allow this disgusting acronym to grace the pages of the Star, the highest example of professional journalism in Central Asia.”
The Foundation for Universal Computer Knowledge is sponsoring the development of technology information facilities in other organizations. This institution has been very active especially in Sri Lanka and Chile. It also owns a semiconductor factory in Hong Kong.
But this by itself should not make anyone too happy. The new computers need a place to be installed. There have already been discussions between the Computer Department and the Registration Office. The plan is to get the rooms 201 and 214 in the old building and convert them into computer labs. The technology information engineers in room 205 are already working on the project. All the computers will be connected so that the same login and password will be valid on all of them. This will require more network cables and a supplementary generator to compensate for probable power shortages, and also a surge protector to regulate and ensure the safety of the electric switches and chips.
“When we get the new building, the whole second floor of the second building would be given to computer labs,” said Boris Borisovich. Nancy has also been looking for another computer engineer to employ. Once Nancy said that they would make everyone happy. Now we are sure that they keep their words. We just have to be patien.
By Medina Aidarova
Dear friends, I am very excited to tell you fabulous
news!!! Finally, next semester we are going to have an Applied Sexual Education class.
Louis Petrich will be an instructor of this class. The class will be taught by the Dutch
method of studying. The Dutch method of sexual education, developed by Andreus Van Dike,
emphasizes hands on experience that leads to greater personal learning and understanding.
The class will be twice a week at 7 pm. There will be an informational meeting on April
3d, at 5:30 pm.
The class will cover such topics as: the right way to put a condom on, the pleasure spots of body, where they are and how to best stimulate them, how to excite the opposite sex without physically touching them, how to give an upside down kiss and hug, pregnancy preventions, correct techniques for leaving a hicky in an interesting place. Participants in the class must provide their own Vaseline. Demonstrations will be provided in every class. You will be given a certificate of completion of this course, which might be useful for some of you in your future careers. I really recommend this course because of the great instructor and the demonstrations. Good luck!!!
AUK administration came up with another idea to make our life a little more fun.
By Alia Naumova
Another quite shocking project has rolled down from the third floor to 105, March 18. From now on, the students of AUK will be recognized in the street not only because of the highly intellectual faces screwed with high IQ records, but also because of the nice outfit, exclusively designed for our university.
Well, let’s call everything by its proper name. The third floor is the third floor, and yes, we are talking about the uniform. The original idea belongs to Martha Merrill, who finally got tired of constant complaints by teachers about the dressing code in AUK. “Sometimes I get puzzled with what my female students are wearing,” says Mr. Hansen, head of IR department, “Is that a belt or a skirt? Was she that concerned with getting to my class on time that she forgot some of hmm… very significant parts of her outfit?” “The way some of my students show up to the 8 o’clock class is quite disturbing,” confirms Evangelia Papoutsaki from the Department of Journalism, “ girls come wearing full evening make – up, and after all, is the difference between a rather modest underwear and a revealing shirt not distinct enough? Some of them seem to be mixing those up…”
The idea basically derived from the need to maintain the psychological stability of the university staff as well as to avoid some disciplinary problems. “A girl in a skirt that goes down below her knees feels and behaves herself differently than a girl without any skirt at all”, claims Martha Merrill. This statement is hard to disagree with indeed. “Although some specific details such as amount of inches below the knees and amount of buttons fastened have caused some rather heated debates in the University Senate,” she continues, “ we have finally come to consensus.”
As it was already mentioned, girls will have to wear the skirts 2 inches below their knees. The rulers will be provided for every classroom together with the markers and the erasers. Although the tops will vary according to the season and the weather from the turtleneck sweaters to shirts fastened up till the second button from the chin. The amount of make – up allowed is still to be cleared up. The boys will be wearing corduroy pants with white shirts, ties and waistcoats. Both girls and boys will be required to wear ties on the regular basis.
The general color of the outfit Due to certain financial problems the university will not be able to saw the costumes according to every student’s parameters. There will be three sizes of both girls’ and boys’ outfits available for everyone to choose from.
The uniform will be mandatory for all the students starting September 1st, 2001. Alternative clothes will be allowed inside the building only upon introducing the ticket from the dry-cleaning and will not be welcome during the official ceremonies such as Initiation and Commencement.
The tie color grading criteria:
Red checks for girls and blue checks for boys GPA above 3, 6
Pink stripes for girls and purple ones for boys GPA above 3, 2
Orange polka dots for girls and yellowish ones for boy Everything else below.
By Saodat Asanova & Galina Kravchenko
Пиво, наверное, один из тех напитков, которые нравятся абсолютно всем, даже представительницам прекрасного пола, несмотря на то, что они боятся поправиться из-за содержания в пиве дрожжей. За кружкой пива мы беседуем с друзьями, решаем проблемы мирового масштаба и, наконец, расслабляемся. Пиво – это просто хорошо!
Каково же было наше удивление, когда мы
узнали, что в период сессии в
стенах нашего университета во
время ланча каждый
студент будет иметь право на свою законную, чеcтно
заработанную кружку пива. Почему законную? Да
потому, что наши статистические данные показали,
что в период экзаменов
умственная активность студентов и огромные
волнения могут быть причиной всякого рода
психических расстройств. Выпитая кружка пива,
объёмом 250 мл, значительно успокаивает нервную
систему и нормализует эмоциональное состояние
человека.
«Но ведь пиво – алкогольный напиток! - cкажете вы. – А алкогольные напитки в АУКе пить категорически запрещено». Это верно, и именно поэтому каждому студенту полагается только 250 мл любимого напитка.
Но кто же является автором этой необычной, мы бы даже сказали , несколько экстравагантной идеи ? Её придумали наши дорогие ауковские врачи, которые неустанно стремятся как можно больше внимания уделять нашему юношескому организму. А одобрил и утвердил эту идею наш президент Дэвид Хьювайлер, который, кстати, и сам не прочь выпить кружечку пивка. Кстати, эту идею также поддержал и самый ярый поклонник пива, Билл Хансен. Правда, он почему-то потребовал, чтобы пиво было доступным не только студентам, но и преподавателям, причём в объёме 1 литр на каждого. Г-н. Хансен считает,что преподаватель испытывает гораздо большее нервное напряжение при общении со студентами, поэтому и пива, соответственно, преподаватель должен употреблять в большем количестве.
Ну что же, мы от всего сердца надеемся, что обрадовали Вас этой новостью, тем более, что экзамены не за горами. Пейте пиво, господа, и расслабляйтесь!
By Fatima Gayazova
Прожить один день из жизни студента АУКа - задача не из простых: чего только стоит выстоять очередь во время ланча, или пройти сотни раз из одного здания в другое, или вот как насчет того, чтобы дойти-таки до пары и не заснуть на ней?!
«Студент без проблем» – это чистой воды оксюморон, парадоксальное явление, которое не имеет место быть на территории АУКа. Однако, не все так ужасно. По просьбам читателей, специально для студентов нашей Alma Mater, я подготовила очень полезный материал. Правда, мистического характера, но подобного вы нигде не найдете.
Это заговоры, приметы, предсказания и гадания, полезные в условиях учебы, именно в АУКе.
Вся эта магия существует, наверное, с того момента, как прародительница Ева слукавила, заставив Адама вкусить запретный плод. С той поры и накапливались магические знания, передаваемые из поколения в поколение, собирались всевозможные тайные приемы. В том, чтобы предать огласке наиболее невинные из них, нет ничего плохого, поскольку цели они преследуют самые благородные...
Очень часто, чтобы изменить свою жизнь к лучшему, необязательно трудиться в поте лица, забыв о распространенных методах и советах магов, гадалок, хиромантов и предсказателей. Иногда можно прибегнуть и к магическим уловкам.
Например, каким намеревается быть ваш день, можно легко предсказать по количеству курильщиков около входа в новое здание. Если с утра, перед тем как войти в здание, вы насчитали нечетное количество куряг, то можете сразу разворачиваться и идти обратно домой, так как день у вас будет, прямо скажем, «фуфло». Если же, наоборот, четное, то смело открывайте дверь и шествуйте дальше, обращая внимание на другие приметы и знаки. Так же просто можно погадать на номерках из гардероба, на чеках из кичинета или на количестве изюмов в «улитке»...
Выстоять очередь в кичинете – все равно, что пройти 7 кругов Ада. Но опять же… Если вы используете правильно подобранный заговор, то тетя Маша, будто заколдованная, обслужит именно вас в первую очередь. Если же ваш заказ поставят на красный поднос, то знайте, что уже сегодня или завтра ваш партнер удивит вас неожиданным всплеском эмоций, страсти, чрезмерным вниманием илюбовью. Если же поднос белого цвета – значит, все тихо, и ваш час еще не пробил.
В туалете же все совсем по-другому. Вы заходите в кабину, закрываете дверь – и обнаруживаете полное отсутствие бумаги. Это и плохой, и хороший знак одновременно – вас ожидают маленькие неожиданности…
Вышли, пошли руки мыть, а мыло размокшее. Плохая примета, жизнь ваша – болото и требует измененийю
На носу сессия, сегодня экзамен, вы готовы более или менее, идете по коридору в аудиторию, умоляя судьбу дать последний шанс... И вдруг навстречу уборщица с пустым ведром! Мой вам совет: быстро сворачивайте, а если не успеваете среагировать, то хотя бы возьмитесь правой рукой за пятку левой ноги и считайте до десяти, не поднимая головы.
Но не дай Бог вам встретить перед экзаменом Сердара! В таком случае «неудача» с радостью окажет массу услуг и останется вашей верной подругой до конца сессии. А там и GPA предсказать нетрудно.
Не удивительно, что после всего этого у вас разболелась голова. Ничего страшного, и на это действие могу предложить противодействие. Для этого нужно проделать следующее: (Предупрежу сразу, процедура заговора очень необычная)
Ровно на пятнадцатой минуте пары вы должны покинуть кабинет и направиться в туалет противоположного пола. Затем подставьте больную голову под сушилку для рук и произнесите следующее трижды:
«О духи и прежние обитатели этого здания,
Праведные
спасители и избавители,
Спасите и избавьте раба своего (полное имя,
фамилия, отчество, курс и направление),
проклятья снимите с него,
все заклятья с первого слова
и до последнего.
Всю
боль от корней до самых кончиков волос.
Аминь, аминь, аминь.»
Оставаясь в такой позе, дождитесь первого, кто войдет в туалет и попросите его включить сушилку. Вот увидите: боль, как рукой снимет.
Могу предложить еще один безотказный заговор, который поможет избавиться от тоски (очень актуально перед наступлением весны). В любое удобное для вас время, выходите на середину площади, держа в руке лимонный или апельсиновый Чупа-Чупс. Встаете лицом к северу и произносите:
“Встану я, подумаю я и пойду я из здания в здание, из двери в дверь, выйду на площадь, постою, а потом опять в здание пойду, а около здания есть сосна. Так сломись, древняя сосна, отстань прочь, тоска, от студента невинного (такого-то, такого-то). Во имя меня, и Камилы и Дэвида Хьювайлера. Аминь”.
Проговорив текст два раза, можете делать все что угодно, только не забудьте съесть Чупа-Чупс. Но помните, ни с кем нельзя делиться. Через пару дней вы напрочь позабудете о своей тоске. Запоете и станете чаще улыбаться.
Все вышеперечисленное действительно может быть применено на практике. Если вы никогда не прибегали к подобным методам, то мой совет вам – попробуйте. Все равно, накануне праздника вы не будете выглядеть глупо и неуместно. Но прошу вас, не переусердствуйте, иначе в противном случае, в случае «привыкания», вы можете напрочь позабыть о том, как учится нормальный и обычный студент Американского Университета в Кыргызстане.
By Tatiana Pesina & Anton Kluchkin
Курение – привычка нехорошая. Это знают все, но... тем не менее, курят тоже все, ну, или, почти все. Проведенный соцопрос позволил нашей газете сделать вывод, что, как это ни странно, бросить хотят опять-таки почти все. А вот как – никто не знает. Именно поэтому наша газета и решила предложить заядлым бросальщикам бычков за углы очень простое решение их проблемы. Итак, слушайте (простите, читайте) и повинуйтесь!..
Правило первое
Если ваша доза никотина, жизненно
необходимого для хорошего самочувствия, не
превышает 5-10 сигарет в день, то попробуйте
суперновую фишку: как только появляется
потребность засунуть в рот любимой марки тачное
изделие, сразу же бегите к ближайшему водоему и
ныряйте туда ласточкой (ау-у, АУК, все оставшиеся
постарайтесь не пропустить сие действо:
во-первых, в целях профилактики – после такого
курить явно не захочется; а во-вторых, вы только
представьте, какое замечательное зрелище вас
ожидает: половина родного универа
самоотверженно рвется к близлежащим
фонтанам, возле которых выстроилась очередь не
хуже, чем в кичинете);
Правило второе Если в день вам 10 сигарет уже не хватает, ничего не попишешь, придется использовать вариант второй, т. е. употребление уксуса в особо крупных размерах (только не пугайтесь, не внутрь принимать, хотя, возможно, это и приятней, мазать безымянные пальцы правой ноги, паковать их на пару часов в ватные носки и валенки, а затем каждые 14 минут вдыхать неповторимый аромат, который получится в результате – за то, что будет весело, могу поручиться головой);
Правило третье Ну а если в день вам требуется более пачки, выход остается только один – шоковая терапия. Что это такое? Все очень просто: как только трясущиеся ручонки лезут в нагрудный кармашек, дабы извлечь оттуда сигаретку, кто-то из знакомых, родных и близких ловким захватом сзади выхватывает вожделенную пачку и красивым пируэтом отправляет ее, любимую, в мусорный бак или в ближайший арык. Шок обеспечен. По крайней мере, на несколько дней, в течение которых следует последовать советам №1 и 2.
P. S. Люди, решившиеся-таки опробовать вышеуказанные предложения на себе, пожалуйста, свяжитесь потом с нами и расскажите, что получится – нам ведь тоже интересно.
Весна!!!!! Апрель!!!!! Ура-а-а!!!!!!
Эй, все апрельские Бараны АУКа, мы вас поздравляем с величайшим в мире праздником, вашим Днем Рождения!!!! А вы нас поздравьте – у нас ведь тоже День Рождения! В общем, так: всем счастья, здоровья и удачи!!!! А 2-го апреля,Овны, в 23:49, в родной, любимой room105 , будет проводиться ОГРОМНОЕ празднование наших дней Варенья!!!
P.S.Поздравления и подарки обязательны.
Объявление
Приглашаются девушки приятной (и не очень) внешности на высокооплачиваемую (валютную) public part-time job. Контактный телефон: 66-35-26.
Объявление
Сдается в аренду СН в большом здании под офис, дискотеку, бар. Тел 666-666.
Объявление
Куплю сало для личных нужд. Анна Кирей.
ОбъЯвление
Как известно, кто предупрежден, тот вооружен. Ну так вот, ребята, я предупреждаю, а вы хватайтесь за оружие: по распоряжению нашей родимой мЭ-Э-Эрии, все ваши крут-тые тачки нельзя теперь ставить на Старой площади, перед нашим любимым АУКом. Почему? Да потому, что наш глубоко уважаемый товарищчь Ак. Ас. Ак. с 15го апреля в течение двух недель будет проводить открытые слушания в Жогорку Кенеше. Так что все вышеупомянутое делается в целях безопасности нашего президента.За нарушения, имейте в виду, будет взыскан штраф в размере 500 сомов.
Объявление
Куплю бигуди для химической завивки и подержаную швабру. Обращаться к Васе(ICP).
Аб”явления
Пра,даю кастюм, для урокв, па ваенки. Флах родены прелогаитьца. Пад-палковником Ни наш шеф.
Цитаты известных политиков. Ну и кто здесь тупой?!
«Виктор Иванович, я и сейчас вам не дам. Депутат Бабурин попросил меня...» (реплика Светланы Горячевой в Госдуме в адрес Виктора Илюхина)
«Абсолютно, и не только я, считаю, но я хочу продолжить дальше, чтоб понимать...» (Виктор Черномырдин)
«Вряд ли должность определяет или даёт мне какой-то вес. Ну куда же ещё больше нужно человеку, который всё уже прошёл, всё многое знает в этой жизни. Многое знаю. Может, даже лишнее. Вот это слишком всё прямолинейно и перпендикулярно, что просто мне неприятно лично.» (Виктор Черномырдин)
«Вопрос поставлен настолько в лоб, что на него ответить нельзя.» (Егор Строев)
«На такое событие, как смерть короля Марокко, Россия должна отозваться одним из своих руководителей.» (Егор Строев)
« Мы советовались, чтобы эта дата у нас состоялась...» (Егор Строев)
По материалам «Комсомольской Правды» от 14 марта 2001 года
29 March, 2001
Dear Staff Members and Advisors of The Star,
After a long period of personal reflection and examination I would like to submit my resignation to the editorial board of The Star. I have decided to do this for one of several reasons.
The first, and perhaps the most tragic reason why I am submitting my resignation is that The Star no longer provides a friendly work atmosphere. The staff members, who displayed such warmth and commandery at the beginning of my tenure, have let themselves degenerate into bickering, petty squabbles, and personal conflicts. This hurtful atmosphere of he said, she said type accusations has drained my reserves and deeply disappointed me.
The second reason is that certain staff members have become lazy. I never wanted to be an enforcer or a nag. However, I constantly had to force some students to turn in their articles, and to generally do their work. This laziness became a hazard. Reporters began to do a sloppy job of reporting. This created severe problems for me as I was constantly trying to repair the reputation of the paper and defend it from people who were wronged by the afore mentioned careless reporters.
The third reason for my resignation is the inordinate amount of work that I have to do. Routinely I stay at AUK till 9 or 10 pm editing, and laying out articles. This is slow, thankless work. My grades for other classes have suffered because I have not been able to spend enough time on them. The unreasonably large amount of time I spend at the newspaper also puts unfair stress on my family who must constantly reschedule family events to meet my sporadic schedule.
The last and most important reason for my resignation is the general under appreciation and exploitation of the editor. I am a volunteer for god’s sake. I don’t need all this stress. I feel that I have worked as hard as I possible could to resolve these problems in a rational and productive way. Unfortunately my efforts were all for naught. I am now left with only one recourse, which I take with a heavy heart. I hope I am succeeded by someone more capable, who will be able to rescue you from the edge of the precipice on which you are presently clinging with all your might.
Sincerely,
John Atwood
Editor in Chief
Editor-in-chief: John Atwood
Web Manager: Anisa Afshar
Staff who contributed to this issue: Anisa Afshar, Tatiana Pesina, Anton Klyuchin, Fatima Gayazova, Medina Aidarova, Alevtina Naumova, Saodat Asanova, Galina Kravchenko.
Advisers: Evangelia Papoutsaki, Deborah Eisenberg