Videl: I'm Son Videl! And thanks to all of you for coming!
Gohan: Hey, V-chan, guess what?
Videl: What?
Gohan: I just saw the best movie ever! It's called "Lord of the Catolope". Have you seen it yet?
Videl: *sweatdrops* Uh, Gohan? I think that was "Lord of the Rings".
Gohan: Huh? Oh wel...Hey Videl-san! I gotta questiong for ya! What did the two pears say to each other when they were planning their wedding?
Videl: Married pears? I'm not sure if I want to know...
Gohan: Catolope! Get it? CANT-EL-LOPE!
Videl: *sweatdrops*
Gohan: Hey V-chan! Knock knowck.
Videl: Er, who's there?
Gohan: 'Member.
Videl: I don't think I like this joke much...
Gohan: NO NO NO VIDEL! You're supposed to say 'Member who?'
Videl: 'Member who?
Gohan: 'Member when I touched your--
Videl: GOHAN!
Gohan: What?
Videl: That is very PRIVATE information.
Gohan: Okay, V-chan! Hey Videl, whatchya doin?
Videl: NOTHING!!??
Gohan: Oh..okay! Okay, here are 10 things that you ladies will NEVER hear us men say.
Videl: Except one...
Gohan: Huh?
Videl: Read the list, Gohan
Gohan: RIGHT! Here it is:
1. Let's watch Lifetime!
2. Sex is overrated.
3. I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4. Yes, I did notice your sister's breasts are bigger than yours.
5. There is nothing I like better than crawling into bed with a good book.
6. I'm glad I don't have a large penis.
7. My hips are too big.
8. Aw, can't we watch Oprah?
9. Does this suit make me look fat?
I10. 'll never get tired listening to Celine Dion.
Videl: Riiight...Okay ladies, here are the worst and slimiest pick up lines a guy can give you.
1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.
2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized?
3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can't hold it in.
4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could I meet you between the holidays?
5) How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I'll give you the meat.
Gohan: V-chan? I don't understand some of those...
Videl: Of course you don't Gohan-san.
Gohan: No, really Videl. I don't get what those mean.
Videl: Okay...uh here it is again. Gohan, what's the quickest way to a man's heart?
Gohan: Through his stomach?
Videl: Nope. Through his chest.
Gohan: I don't get it.
Videl: There are alot of things on this world you don't get Gohan-san...
Gohan:Um, okay. Why did the woman cross the road?
Videl: To get to the oher side?
Gohan: Who knows? I don't. Nothing they do ever makes sense...hi Videl...how long have you been standing there?
Videl: Gohan-san!
Gohan: VIDEL!
Videl: Don't run away from me!
Gohan: OUCH! V-chan! That's my ear! OUCH! Not so loud!
Videl: *dusts off clothes* Now that's THAT'S sorted out, Gohan, do you mind?
Gohan: What? Huh? Oh yeah! As you males already know, something means completly different in girl language. Here's a dictionary: THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n. Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes ''look bigger.'' Male: what you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female: A desire to get married and raise a family. Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female: A good movie, concert, play or book. Male: Anything that can be done while drinking. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion. Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes PMS (p-m-s) n. Female: Exasting, once a month period that has you irritable. Male: 'Personal Man Slaughter'.
Videl: Gohan...
Gohan: That's not what I mean!
Videl: GOHAN...
Goham: *throws notecard out window* Moving on to next topic!
Videl: YEs, thankyou. Male Seminars, by Females.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques: formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks"
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You: The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake in Public
16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down: formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"
22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull
24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Seeing the True You: formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"
32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary
34. Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary
35. Techniques for calling home
Gohan: Uh, okay...Female Seminars, by males of course.
1. Elementary Map Reading
2. Crying and Law Enforcement
3. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
4. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
5. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
6. The Seven-Outfit Week
7. PMS: It's YOUR Problem, Not Mine "It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty....... Deal With it"
8. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
9. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Orange Lights
10. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
11. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
12. Football: Not a Game: A Sacrament
13. Telephone Translations: formerly titled "'Me Too' Equals I Love You"
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals: formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good"
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
18. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self Serve Station
19. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+Channels
20. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
21. His Best Friend Can Be Yours Too
22. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
23. Commitment Schmittment (formerly titled "Wedlock Schmedlock"
24. To Honor and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?
Videl: Hmm...You've all been a wonderful aduience! Until next time! Bye!
