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“FRIENDS”

Seriously, What’s the Fucking Point!?!?


    Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of judgemental friends who like to offload all their shit to you about things like their car trouble, marriage infidelities, or their problems with their job, but won't even give you 5 minutes and an ear to lend for your OWN fucking problems?  Anybody sick of people who are interested in your company only because they can get something from you or financially/socially benefit from your shit?  Seriously, I almost want to put an e-mail link on this site, and have someone let me know, but I'm afraid I'll make another "Friend" in life who'll just cause disappointment and want to take and never give. - yet again!


    The problem with being an adult and making friends, is it's no longer just "I like this cool thing, you like this cool thing too, let's hang and chill!" - no, now it's all about social networking, who you know, what you know, what you have, how you can benefit the other person for their own selfish needs, all the while being the non-judgemental giver in the relationship the entire time, whether that's an ear to lend, or letting that rotten sack of shit borrow (and subsequentially ruin) your power tools, or finding out that so-called "Friend" is now fucking your girlfriend on the weekends when you're busy working overtime, either way, having friends in the 21st century totally sucks.


    And after all, the FRIGGIN INTERNET is part of the reason we have shitty friends now, because most people I know spend all their damn time online lying about how perfect their lives are while talking in their double lives about who they're fucking, how much their wife sucks, or trying to make a full scale plan to assassinate their boss which they will never carry out.  And you sit here - the guy that's me - and listen to this horseshit, over and over and over again, quiet, saying "uh huh" the whole time, thinking about how much when you're wife has relapsed and gone off the rails, the dentist turned your teeth into painful swiss cheese, and your own family disowned you (true story), that no fucking fucker will give you the time of day because "I got too much shit in my life right now, go complain to someone else!".  Yeah, so I'm supposed to sit here and listen to you whine all day because that bitch you fucked won't give YOU the time of day now, but if I'm having problems - REAL FUCKING PROBLEMS - you're going to just turn around and gloss over me like I'm a stranger - seriously dude, FUCK YOU!


    And this is why I have a rant site instead of a friend!  Because seriously, people are selfish but worry so much about their own shit, while putting on airs to care about yours until you actually NEED it,   Then when that time comes, they are too busy, too stressed, and too bothered to fucking care. Well guess what, fuck you, and your life too, because I seriously, have no real fucking reason to put up with your shit if you're not going to listen to mine!


    And shit it is.  90% of the crap you're complaining about is going to bother you right now, and then it'll wane off, like a tide, and stop bothering you for awhile later.  Wonder why it took 1001 years for me to even post this site (because It's been sitting on my desktop for 5 years with constant deletes) - yeah, I know you don't care, but I don't care either that you don't care!  What's going to happen is this too shall pass....assuming you don't off yourself.  At least, that's how it usually works, unless of course, your spouse kills you, or you die of something else - then I would not fear the problems at all, because you're dead, you got nothing to worry about anymore.


    Another problem I see with so-called "Friendship" is that when it starts out, everyone is wary of each other, and everyone is on their best behavior.  Once you become besties though, then at least one party gets a little too comfortable and starts becoming the Gilligan to the other one's Skipper.  That person becomes annoying as fucking hell!  Or, YOU Become that annoying person, and the friendship does not fade, because people are scared of letting go, so here you are, this third wheel, being dragged around like someone's mentally challenged little sibling - and it feels like shit, it feels awful.  It feels like they are doing you a favor by being your company, and sometimes, it even comes out that it's that way.  So you walk away.


    When people get older and have kids, that ruins friendships as well, because parents have this elitist complex that they THINK that they are better than everyone else because they had a kid.  Oh wow, you came in her cunt and you popped out a kid....well guess what.....


(music starts)

birds do it

bees do it

undereducated fleas do it

hey everyone

let's get down and fuuuuuuck


cats do it

dogs do it

elephants, and monkeys

and frogs do it

hey everyone

let's get down and fuck


put your whoopee shooter

in your baby's cunt

and make another baby come out

in another nine months

hey everyone, let's get down and fuuuuuuuck


giraffes do it

koala's do it

kookaburas and shrews

they do it too

every fucking animal on earth

GETS DOWN AND FUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKSSSSSS!



Do you get it now?!?!?


    Yeah, wow, you are soo educated, so special, so amazing, you put another life on the planet, just like 100000001 other lifeforms do!  I'm so proud of you, I can't think you could pull it off, doing the same movement as all four cylinders in your little car you drive to work in the morning does!  Serious...it's so stupid and easy........


    But somehow, being a single or childfree friend of a married or parental is STRESSFUL! They think they're better than you for having a kid, and you might even think you're better than them for not (I think you are, but that's beside the point). The point is, that's one of the most destructive things in a  friendship - having a kid.  Because your life becomes ALL ABOUT THE DAMN KID! As it should be, at least, if you're any sort of a parent.


    And as you get older - like I have - you start to realize how full of horseshit most people are.  Most people, don't want to be your friend, so you have fewer friends.


    And the fewer friends you have, the better, and the more time to actually become a person whose actually interesting to talk to!  Seriously, all these parents, when they get old, they're going to be sitting around hoping for the million year sleep because they're so worn out from 18 years (or actually far more) of child rearing they don't really want to hear about going on a swanky safari in the rainforest or chilling on a beach in bermuda!


    And the fewer friends you have, the less people rely on you for shot at the most difficult of times, don't appreciate it when you do it, and then won't pick up the same when YOU need it.